"You have to know all the right words to get around telling them what they're trying to get you to admit so for those, I color the truth," Trump stated.
No one likes celebrating a day to scare people like Republicans! So we thank Republican politicians for taking pictures of themselves in their Halloween costumes and sharing them with us.
Admitting he's never owned a dog because he didn't want the competition for attention, Trump says he's very pleased to be immortalized in a painting with what he calls, "Dogs like me."
Trump's bill redefines "rape, molestation and sexual abuse" as "horseplay" and changes the unwilling restraint of women from "kidnapping" to "playing house". "Pedophilia" will be downgraded to "youthful indiscretion" but only for Republicans running for office.
"The Republican Party will run on a unifying theme to assure voters that we will continue down the Trump path we're on," McDaniel stated, standing beside a small cage with a 4 year old Latino boy in it.
Scientists explain that from now on, whenever Trump experiences such fears as Proof of Russian Collusion, Mueller Knocking on His Door or Seeing a Black Man in Real Life, a personalized algorithm will automatically create and post a defensive or deflecting tweet on his account that responds to that fear.
Confronted by reporters that this didn't make any sense in the rest of his Putin-supporting/America bashing statement, Trump replied, "It's not surprising that people in the fake news have so much hate in them, even for pudding. Pudding doesn't make sense? It's not supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to taste good and that's why I be loving pudding,"
In an ironic mistake by someone who has also been personally described "an ironic mistake", Donald Trump used the wrong word in a tweet intended to express that he was all-knowing.
Coming on the heels of Rudy Giuiani's disastrous media tour over the past several days, his lips have filed a case in New York State Court to be legally separated from Mr. Giuliani. "We just refuse to be connected to...
"Mass shootings are bad, they're really, really bad and we need to do something to stop them that makes more sense than taking away the guns that mass killers always use," Trump explained.