Everyone just misunderstands me, President Donald “Whatever” Trump. They take everything wrong, obviously because they don’t like me – just jealous. That’s pitiful.
Like the weight thing. Don’t you people get anything? 420lbs. is the ideal body weight. Exercise is harmful. I told you! Remember that Chapel thing. I never got that. I mean: look at him! He’s a big fat guy. I’d put him on a diet.
And that Ukraine thing. When will they ever understand that I know everything, I see everything, and I am all-powerful. No one but me can advise me. My diplomacy is “perfect.” Congress are like a bunch of insects. Impeach this!
All the Liberal, enemy scum are complaining about me mocking the dead. You people have to learn that no rules or laws apply to me. Not just ordinary stuff, but even all that stuff going on up in heaven. What if I do kill someone. That’s my prerogative. If I want to kill you all, I can; but I am benevolent. If I choose not to kill you today – be happy! But, you know, that stuff about being God and the Son of God, now that’s kind of, you know: I’m not saying anything, but maybe they had a little too much of that sacrificial wine. I mean, who knows!
They lie and say that morale is low. But that’s just people who hate me. They don’t understand me, and they are too stupid to understand. The Bible says that too, you know. That Trump will never be understood: “and they comprehended him not.” It really says that. Honestly! About me!
Now, I’m going to have another round table and have my disciples praise me. I love this stuff! I’m the President of the United States, you know. Really! I am.