"Twas the nuts before Christmas, and through the White House
Not a sane thought was offered, not even by mouth;
The pardons were flung by ol' Trump in a fit,
In a manner like monkeys do fling their own sh*t. The MAGAs were riled by the lies they were fed, While visions of Soros plots danced in their heads; And Birx in her 'kerchief, and Barr full of crap, Had just bailed out so they won't take the rap,
Fired-but-continuing Trump Campaign lawyer Sidney Powell appeared in a Pennsylvania courthouse today along with colleagues Rudy Giuliani and Jenna Ellis and faced a confused Judge Matthew W. Brann who questioned why they filed a petition accusing themselves of fraud.
RUDY GIULIANI: "I'm thankful for absorbent Kleenexes, dental implants, Nosferatu, quick-dry hair dye, lax state laws about forcibly committing people to mental asylums, and nuts...lots and lots of nuts."
Yes, Democrats have all been conspiring with George Soros, Cuba, all poll workers in at least 6 states, voting machine companies, Republican governors, China, Joe Pesci, the late Hugo Chavez and the hair dye industry. You have to admit, it was a hell of a plan. Who'd believe it?
TRUMP: "You know me, everyone knows me as the calm, peaceful, soothing president, right? 'Mr. Peace' they call me, sometimes 'Mr. Peace of' something, I can't remember what."
Trump instructed his aides to always have Diamond and Silk wear name tags whenever they're around him. "The downside in having black running mates to prove you're not racist is having to tell them apart," Trump nodded earnestly.
"Look, it's all very simple. If you want to vote for Sleepy Joe, you vote 'Trump' on your ballot. And you can do that with the confidence that the president who promised to make Mexico pay for the wall and end American carnage would never cancel Opposite Day once the votes are in," Trump snickered into both hands, leaving an orange crust on both palms when they lowered.
"Have you seen what the Antifa radicals have been doing to these helpless symbols of white supremacy? I mean, 'our heritage'? It's disgusting. They've thrown paint on them, pulled them down, even moved one into the corner of my office," Trump complained until being told he was pointing at Mike Pence.
TRUMP: "I was thinking about this yesterday while someone was trying to brief me on something "urgent", I wasn't paying attention to their boring screams because I was thinking about this...what if I dropped nukes all over the U.S., you know, in the air, so it didn't harm any businesses. The radiation would come down so beautiful, like an invisible hero to kill the invisible enemy, Corona."
A Simulated Interview With Donald Trump

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