"Okay, I'm the Beast From the Abyss, the man of sin, the son of perdition but I am not a witch and the Democrats' impeachment is a witch hunt," Trump declared as his hair smoldered from Satan's fiery chuckles.
Trump explained, "Okay, some people say that Mr. Bin Laden may have been a hateful madman who was followed as a cult leader and didn't care about the lives of anyone else..but somehow, I feel a real connection with him."
Trump was asked if phantom armies exist: he said, "Of course not, but being non-existent and insubstantial, like my record of achievement, is a feature and not an issue. How better to fight non-existent foes than with a phantom army? We're bound to win - they're already dead!"
Donald Trump has been preoccupied over the past few months with the prospect of using his real estate development smarts to "develop" the U.S.. After flirting with the idea of the U.S. buying Greenland, Atlantis or Hogwarts,...
Trump stated, "I'll tell you who the real racists are, those four intentionally non-white congresswomen who called me racist. Only racists would call other people racists so I'm calling them out as racists," Trump insisted in an accelerated circular logic that caused even adviser Kellyanne "Alternate Facts" Conway to become nauseous.
Satire grants us momentary breaks from the excruciating demands of our seemingly never ending cycles of wayward and frustrating days. In exchange for a little of our down time we are granted a reprieve filled with an abundance of hilarity.
"Her Majesty trusted in me to serve a thick, over-sized side of beef in a flaky fragile shell and in the end, I wasn't able to serve Mr. Trump," Flanagan said.
Nunes claims that the portrayal he sees of himself in mirrors demean him and make him appear like "an overweight, slimy douche-bag".
Franks explained that the only issues were for the Fort Haven administrators, "They're having a heck of a time keeping track of who is one of their patients and who is a CPAC attendee,
Trump explained his surprising support for R. Kelly to run for the Senate in Alabama. He's got charisma, he feels for younger people and he doesn't take no for an answer," Trump groped.