A Simulated Interview With Donald Trump

Reporter: “Mr. President, Why don’t you support blanket testing nationwide. At this moment, I don’t know if you have it, you don’t know if I have it, and without information on deaths, neither of us knows how dangerous this area that we are in is. Don’t we need to know these things?”

(The President pulls his .45 auto from his coat, and kills the reporter.)

Pruz: “Next question.”

Pruz: “Where do they get these guys? He’s an idiot!”

Another Reporter: “Was! You just killed him.”

Prudzident: How do you know that (Trump shrieks,) are you a doctor? More fake news. Hillary, Hillary, Hillary. (Trump babbles constant idiocy for an hour.)

The Last Journalist Still Alive: “Okay. But, he is,) pointing to Dr. Faluci.

Faluci: Apparently, there is apparency of death, but that can be misleading. I believe that this will require further investigation, but we just don’t have the resources.”

Reporter: But, but, he shot him!!!

Faluci: I really believe that I understand what you might think that you are potentially trying to say. But, I’m afraid that your report is anecdotal.”

Reporter: (Shoots the doctor.)

Trump: “I want to make an official president type statement, about how nice I am. Then the members of my Cabinet have prepared statements about my niceness, which of course are edited, redacted, and corrected, correctly. But I can’t do that!

“These idiot reporters can’t even do that! They don’t even do their jobs. They just lie there.”

Last Journalist: “Dead.” (Trump shoots the, Formerly Last Journalist Still Alive.)

Trump (to the air): “You know, I don’t think they appreciate my niceness. (to the brand new Press Secretary, disguised as a rosebush, and previously unnoticed): “Where’s Pence?”

Nearly Invisible Press Sec: Don’t you remember, Sir! There never was a Pence, just dummies. Did you really think that anyone could keep that same stupid, bedazzled expression for five years?

Trump: That’s not fair! I work with Congress every day. I see that same stupid expression in my sleep.

Press Sec: “Fair enough. But, you can’t shoot them, haha!”

Trump: “I’m making you the “Acting Special Temporary Secretary of State.”

New Sec. of State: “What about the bodies?” Should I call Barr?”

Trump (huffing a line that would give an ox cardiac arrest): Yeah. And, get me a couple of boxes of ACP’s; illegals; you know, like my guards use, with Teflon tips, the real nasty shredders. And mercury, you know what they say: “If you can hit ’em, it’ll get ’em. “

Sec: (Shoots herself.)

(Trump exits. The Rose Garden, planted by a former First Lady, is serene.)

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Air Force brat. My dad was shepherd to a bunch of B-52's; the GI's called that place "20 Minutes From Armageddon;" because a missile launched in East Germany would pop over our heads twenty minutes later. That put me in some of the best schools anywhere. I wrote in the Press Office of a powerful, charismatic Midwestern Governor. I dabble in graphic arts. My 50+ entertainment sites get a few million visits, and I have stopped counting the fans, likes, and shares, per year. I've rambled the world, hitched around the continent (counter-clockwise). Climbed a couple of teeners, been to a couple of thousand rock, blues, and jazz concerts. I was at a free concert on Telegraph Avenue, Berkeley, CA with about 350,000 freaks and hippies; and other festivals. I won a writing contest when I was six. It was a Poe-like horror story taken from an account of a mining disaster. I had already been reading Edgar Allan Poe (which may explain a lot). I could read before I could talk. I implemented some of the first client/server, TCP-IP networks (the Internet) at many of the world's largest corporations. I know a half-dozen programming languages, and have implemented and administered many network operating systems. Right now I build ebikes, and lithium batteries from scratch. I was taught that race and ethnicity don't set us apart. I think that the best thing that could happen in this country would be if a woman were to be elected President of the United States. I admire President Obama more than any man in history, save one.

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I wouldn’t put this scenario past trump, and his poll numbers would probably go up among SOME people.


This is very clever, and holds the Prez up to the appropriate disdain. It deserves a larger audience. May I suggest you reprint this over at NewYabz if you belong. If not, I would be happy to do this providing appropriate credit and a link to the story here….I keep want to draw more people here since the discussions can be lengthy and complex. In any case. Bravo!

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