According to a Trump administration source, Donald Trump has signed a secret Executive Order declaring that November 3rd, Election Day will also be officially recognized as “Opposite Day”. The details in the Executive Order state that all proclamations, comments, tweets, and expressions of opinion, including but not limited to voting, shall be legally viewed as representing the opposite of what a person is actually expressing.
Under this order, if Joe Biden was to win the popular vote in a state on Election Day, it would instead be legally interpreted as a win for Donald Trump.
When first confronted with the discovery of his order, Trump waved it off, “That’s crazy, I never signed an order like that! Gotcha! It’s always Opposite Day in this White House! COVID-19 is fake news, Russia is our friend, peaceful protesters are terrorists, I’m a stable genius…wait, that last one’s right but you see what I mean? Now, let’s sit down and talk man to man…ah-ah, Opposite Day!”
Asked if he thought this would not only interfere with constitutional democracy due to the confusion it would cause but could also lead Americans to mistakenly vote for the wrong candidate, Trump shrugged, ” Trump ’em if they can’t take a joke. Hah! No really, who said elections can’t be fun? Let’s have a little fun! And if a few people accidentally vote this way when they wanted to vote that way, that would be really sad,” Trump smirked as he mouthed “opposite”.
“Look, it’s all very simple. If you want to vote for Sleepy Joe, you vote ‘Trump’ on your ballot. And you can do that with the confidence that the president who promised to make Mexico pay for the wall and end American carnage would never cancel Opposite Day once the votes are in,” Trump snickered into both hands, leaving an orange crust on both palms when they lowered.
The question arose, if this was an innocent effort to make Election Day more fun, why was it being kept a secret?
“Because the opposite of telling people their vote will be counted as the opposite is not telling people their vote would be reversed and which of those would be better?” Trump asked, cocking his head like a Pomeranian and looking genuinely confused by his own words.
“I am absolutely, positively not doing this because the fake polls show Sleepy Joe is beating me. My polls show me tremendously ahead like no one’s ever seen in polling before, no one, not a person, woman, man, camera or TV,” Trump proudly stated while pointing at a GOP symbol on a document and exclaiming, “Elephant!”
To kick off the unintentional exposure of Trump’s Opposite Day on Election Day, Trump kept a straight face as he praised democracy, racial equality, and human rights before convulsing, being helped onto a gurney, and wheeled away.
A doctor’s assistant confided, “This happens sometimes, his bile ducts over-fill when he tries to act like he’s decent. It’s a real shame,” the assistant noded as he mouthed “Opposite Day”.