Arts and Entertainment

If 2016 was personified as a human being, it would be more often referred to as an unbelievable asshole who would not be welcome back even if it came to our door with a giant box of chocolates in one hand and an eternal youth potion in the other.

Instead of retaining their original "happy endings" where the poor but honest or morally principled hero or heroine wins out, the new endings to Disney films will portray the villain, as the hero.

"We am here to stay just like first Neanderthals," grunted Trump supporter and Newanderthal, Clyde Ham, previously explaining that part of the lifestyle includes not "con-jew-gating" verbs properly because they own the banks.

It is difficult to speak with Mr. Trump, with him ensconced in his VR world of adoration, and he frequently believes he is on a stage giving a speech so is prone to calling for his virtual supporters to beat up anyone trying to interview him.

"We have not as yet ascertained if the ham sandwich in Mr. Weiner's refrigerator is significant in any of our investigations but following our protocol, we have opened a secret investigation of it that we won't tell anyone about to protect its integrity."

Burnett explained, "There was no way to have a final episode of Trump's campaign once it caught fire! We just looked at each other and said, 'What the hell?! We've even called The Pope a jerk and they won't turn against him, this is ridiculous!"

Let me explain. The rhetoric from mainstream climate groups (and many scientists) over the past few years has sounded something like this: ‘if we don’t seriously reduce our carbon dioxide levels, our grandchildren will be in big trouble by 2100’. With that deadline 84 years away, the tendency is to become complacent. But nearly all such assertions about a 2100 deadline are based on carbon dioxide concentrations alone.

"Loyalty is important to me but so is flexibility. I've always tried to combine the two so that my loyalty is as strong as steel but as flexible as a rubber chicken. In this way, I think I can best serve the most vulnerable and needy...meaning myself and Republicans in Congress."

Captain Trump explained, "Yes, we hit an iceberg that had illegally immigrated into this part of the ocean to endanger our lives but because a ship captained by Trump is so powerful, it's the iceberg that's now sinking, not us."

Trump's hair explained, "Could I just sit around and pretend that what was going on right under my nose wasn't happening? I'd rather dye. I've lived believing that you don't judge based on one's color and I'm not going to flip on that so I just had to give Donald a permanent wave goodbye."