Saying that it could no longer remain connected to Donald Trump’s campaign in light of his racist “Alt Right” embrace, Donald Trump’s hair has parted from him.
“We’ve been together for a long time, through thick and thin but I just can’t continue with him now that he’s become so attached to an extremist fringe,” Trump’s hair explained. It brushed off suggestions that the parting had been difficult. “This was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Could I just sit around and pretend that what was going on right under my nose wasn’t happening? I’d rather dye. I’ve lived believing that you don’t judge based on one’s color and I’m not going to flip on that so I just had to give Donald a permanent wave goodbye.”
Asked if it might support Hillary Clinton, Trump’s hair expressed that it hadn’t made a decision yet, “I don’t know that she’s my style but I can say that you won’t see me standing up for Donald.”
Trump’s hair confided that it did regret all the years it spent being there for Trump and helping him build himself into the success and celebrity he’s become. “Without me, I don’t know that Donald would have had the great life he’s had, the wives, the wealth, the fame, certainly the comb-overs…I’m disappointed that we’ve had this falling out. No doubt he’s writing me out of his will but I’d rather have my self-respect than be hair to his fortune.”