"Okay, I'm the Beast From the Abyss, the man of sin, the son of perdition but I am not a witch and the Democrats' impeachment is a witch hunt," Trump declared as his hair smoldered from Satan's fiery chuckles.
This theory may have had its origin as an old wives' (or old grandfathers') tale but perhaps there is also a scientific basis for this...that you can't trust a man with thin lips. Let alone, a politician.
Trump expressed that he was very excited about reaching out to women, saying that they have actually been asking for it. "I get it, they've been saying 'no' in the polls but I know women, they really means 'yes'."
Dershowitz went on to suggest that it may have been Columbia drug dealers who actually tried to bribe Ukraine to smear Biden and that Mr. Trump suspects that the real perpetrator was a lying con man with a lot of money so he has been spending a great deal of time at golf courses to "find the real extorter".
Wearing Ivanka's bra, Trump frantically ran through the White House screaming "Traitor!" at a painting of Abraham Lincoln and yelled "You stole my fries!" at a painting of William Howard Taft.
In the cases where "Tea Party Republican" softball parents get what they want but their daughter's lack of skills lead to losses, they console their daughters that they did everything right and someone else is to blame (Obama?).
Captain Trump explained, "Yes, we hit an iceberg that had illegally immigrated into this part of the ocean to endanger our lives but because a ship captained by Trump is so powerful, it's the iceberg that's now sinking, not us."
My father was Noel Purcell, Actor, Comedian and Freeman of the City of Dublin. I do want to share the real man behind the Stage and Screen star, his pride in his work, his incredible humility for all his success but most of all, I want to show him as MY DAD!
"Her Majesty trusted in me to serve a thick, over-sized side of beef in a flaky fragile shell and in the end, I wasn't able to serve Mr. Trump," Flanagan said.
"I think he did himself a lot of good last night when he was sleeping, no gaffes, projecting an image of being relaxed and peaceful, we'll see a turn around in the polls if he keeps sleeping like this," boasted New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie.