2016 GOP Primary

Trump expressed that he was very excited about reaching out to women, saying that they have actually been asking for it. "I get it, they've been saying 'no' in the polls but I know women, they really means 'yes'."

"I think he did himself a lot of good last night when he was sleeping, no gaffes, projecting an image of being relaxed and peaceful, we'll see a turn around in the polls if he keeps sleeping like this," boasted New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie.

"I know how it feels to be famous and wrongly accused by women of abusing them, believe me, it's a tough pill to swallow," Cosby announced to the cringe of attending journalists. "I love women just as Mr. Trump does, if they only knew how much, they'd be knocked out."

"It sure beats having Hillary as President," said Senator Jeff Sessions while wading knee deep through the bloody carnage of tens of thousands of dismembered Alabama citizens. "Can you imagine what her liberal policies would do to the people of this country?!"

One might suggest that this crop of Republican candidates for President are boldly going where no candidates have gone before. They believe that the wealthy should live long and prosper and when it comes to emulating the offensive and...

So, here we are coming to the end of a pretty unbelievable year. A reality show host is on the verge of becoming a major party's nominee for President, racist police forces from the 1950's keep coming through wormholes...

TRUMP: "Look, who is this guy to be quoting The Bible to me?! For every Corinthian he names, I can name two!"

Satan explained, "Trump has the fearless demagoguery of a KKK Grand Dragon, the comic stylings of an Andrew Dice Clay and the dictatorially pursed-lips of a Benito Mussolini, I'm really impressed! For me, he's like an all-you-can-eat Homestyle Buffet of Evil...or is that an oxymoron?"

Now for the hard truth for these dandelion blowing Repubs...your wish will never come true, Donald Trump is like herpes, your party has caught him and there's no way to make him go away.

"David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, wish I could do that! 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free?' That giant metal immigrant, you know she's from France, needs to be deported along with 11 million Mexicans!"