Making a rare appearance on Fox News, Satan (R – Hell) spoke with Sean Hannity and after a moment of levity, as both men came out dressed identically, Satan was asked about Donald Trump and offered nothing but compliments.
“Some people make you lose your faith in humanity and you gotta give them their props for that,” Satan explained, “Trump has the fearless bigoted demagoguery of a KKK Grand Dragon, the comic stylings of an Andrew Dice Clay and the dictatorially pursed-lips of a Benito Mussolini, I’m really impressed! For me, he’s like an all-you-can-eat Homestyle Buffet of Evil…or is that an oxymoron?”
Satan went on to say that while it was against his personal policy to endorse candidates, he would go as far as to say that Trump comes the closest to representing him on the issues. “I’m a big believer in civil wrongs, Freedom of Oppression and that the best thing to fear is fear itself. On those issues, I think Trump schlongs the rest of the Republican field.”
Informed of Satan’s evilly glowing words about him, Donald Trump was very pleased. “I like to hear from one of the highest religious leaders that I’m their choice for President. Of course I’m flattered, what Republican wouldn’t be?” asked Trump. “Now of course those lousy people in the media are whining, ‘But Satan inflicts everlasting torment on the souls of billions of people!’ Well, not that I’ve seen. They just don’t like that he said nice things about me. Satan’s a strong leader who’s running hell better than Obama has been running this country, if he wasn’t they’d have voted Satan out years ago,” Trump insisted.
Trump went on to say that he likes Satan and he thinks he can work together with him. “You know what I hear all the time at my rallies? Give ’em hell, Trump! That’s what they say! Believe me, when I’m President, I really am going to give the whole country hell and who better to advise me on that than Satan? I mean, am I right?”
Satan said he had no plans to meet with Trump during the campaign but that they’re scheduled to meet for a prolonged period of time in the not so distant future.