Comedian Bill Cosby held a stunning press announcement this morning that he would be hosting a fundraiser for Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump.
In the opening of his announcement, Cosby stated, “I know how it feels to be famous and wrongly accused by women of abusing them, believe me, it’s a tough pill to swallow,” Cosby announced to the cringe of attending journalists. “I love women just as Mr. Trump does, if they only knew how much, they’d be knocked out.”
When informed that Cosby was now backing him and will be holding a fundraiser for him, Trump happily greeted the news. “Now here’s a man who knows that women exaggerate abuse. You give ’em a little push, just a little push with your hand or your penis and they act like something horrible’s been done to them. They get worse just trying to get on my plane, believe me!”
At his press conference, Cosby went on to explain his newfound support of Donald Trump. “When I heard of the accusations made against Mr. Trump and his campaign manager, my reaction was identical to Mr. Trump’s. First, I denied that anything happened and said that the woman who made the charge was delusional. Then, when proof emerged, I changed my story and admitted something happened but placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of who was responsible…the woman who caused these things to happen to her. In this era, shouldn’t we take personal responsibility for what happens to us when we’re not wealthy or famous?”
After taking a moment to wink at a female journalist in attendance, Cosby continued, “Let’s face it, that lady reporter’s arm was dressed provocatively, her arm was asking to be pulled, you can see in the video how brazen it was, the way it was attached to her body right next to a breast and how it dangled out wantonly in front of Mr. Trump and Corey Lewandowski . If she didn’t want her arm to be pulled, why was it extending from her body?”
Cosby dabbed an imaginary tear from his eye. “What really gets me are the real victims out there of sexual abuse. Just because you’re famous, when you assault a woman, the media portrays you as a criminal. It’s not fair to ruin the life and reputation of someone who’s famous because of a rumor or indisputable video evidence. What happened to our justice system? Isn’t everyone supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? It’s like justice in this country has been lured into a hotel penthouse by promises of helping it’s career then after drinking a strangely bitter drink, becomes dizzy then wakes up the next morning with its clothes on wrong and forgetting everything that happened the night before. It’s an outrage!”
Refusing to answer any questions from reporters, Cosby wrapped up his announcement, “So, to show my solidarity with Donald Trump at this time when he too is undergoing this unfair persecution by women who claim to be victimized by him and his campaign, I’m going to host a fundraiser for him which I’m calling, ‘Preventing Erroneous and Reckless Victimizing and Slander’, ‘PERVS’. I’m no novice at contributing money but this time it’s not to keep the person who’s getting it to stay quiet,” Cosby joked.
Cosby went on to say that admission to the Trump fundraiser would be $5,000 for men but free for women as long as they agreed to a two drink minimum.