Trump stated, "Not only am I twice as committed to getting the billions from American taxpayers needed to build a massive border wall that Mexico will pay for, thanks to new building materials by this company, Emperor Technology, this Emperor's New Wall will be the most magnificent, powerful wall ever built in the history of civilization, you won't believe your eyes when you see it, believe me!
Skeptics in the press corps questioned Trump on both the fictional basis of the weapon and the decades that building such a massive ship would take to which Trump replied, "That's just more fake news. The Death Star is real, we have it, it's up there, and Mexico paid for it."
According to sources close to Trump, he will spend the rest of his time in office, immersed in a virtual reality where all Americans look at him with love and trust and his hands appear much bigger.
McConnell provided an estimate from The Heritage Foundation that his amendment to a repeal of Obamacare would reduce the deficit by $4 trillion over ten years, thanks to huge savings in social programs as 50% of America's population dies prematurely.
In the nation's capitol, one thing is guaranteed while Donald Trump is Resident of the United States: whatever can go wrong, will.
"Look, I don't know this 'Donald Trump Jr.', I've never heard the name before and I've never met with him. This is Fake Son, a total fraud, just propaganda probably being made up by Obama and the left wing media," Trump ranted.
Some may see it as fitting that on July 4th, a day of patriotism, Donald Trump was attacked by Bob The Bald Eagle.
"I'm not a witch! There are reasons why I can't float or be seen in a mirror, believe me! I just don't want to, If I wanted to, I could. But I want to tell all those witch hunters at the FBI something, you like not being a toad? Ask yourselves that, that's all I'm gonna say," Trump smirked before transforming into a weasel then becoming irritated because no one noticed.
TRUMP: "I know that and I know all about vows, I've made three of the most magnificent wedding vows and each was more absolute than the last."
TRUMP: "Dear wall, I'm praying that you turn all the media into something...I don't know, salt, lepers, hey what about, snakes! With tattoos that say, 'I love Fake News!' but with the heart sign for 'love', you know?"