Without providing any evidence other than a cartoon from KlanWeek, Donald Trump released a series of stunning tweets today claiming that President Obama has been using a Trump voodoo doll to hurt him and damage his presidency.
"Thank you Donald Trump, as we discussed, you and I both like to be able to feel whatever we want," Yiannopoulos stated. "And I just love the idea of being in such a satisfying position with kids."
God explained that he doesn't have a Twitter account but wouldn't have replied to Trump anyway, saying he just found it amusing to see someone who thought he was the center of the universe.
Since it's a bit hard to relate to, for those possessing a full set of teeth and a conscience, we've paired images of Trump and those around him with matching horror film characters that people know to help with this transition from absurdity to reality.
Anonymous staffers have leaked the blueprints of this plan, called "The Extremely Repealed Amazing Replacement for the Freedom-Crushing Obamacare that Everyone Hates".
If 2016 was personified as a human being, it would be more often referred to as an unbelievable asshole who would not be welcome back even if it came to our door with a giant box of chocolates in one hand and an eternal youth potion in the other.
Instead of retaining their original "happy endings" where the poor but honest or morally principled hero or heroine wins out, the new endings to Disney films will portray the villain, as the hero.
"We am here to stay just like first Neanderthals," grunted Trump supporter and Newanderthal, Clyde Ham, previously explaining that part of the lifestyle includes not "con-jew-gating" verbs properly because they own the banks.
It is difficult to speak with Mr. Trump, with him ensconced in his VR world of adoration, and he frequently believes he is on a stage giving a speech so is prone to calling for his virtual supporters to beat up anyone trying to interview him.
"We have not as yet ascertained if the ham sandwich in Mr. Weiner's refrigerator is significant in any of our investigations but following our protocol, we have opened a secret investigation of it that we won't tell anyone about to protect its integrity."