The midterm elections take place in just 83 days and the threat of a Blue Wave, a nationwide Democratic victory over Republicans, seems quite likely.
Democrats have a wide variety of issues to run on in addition to putting a Congressional check on the deranged destructiveness of Donald “The Dog” Trump. Protecting those with pre-existing conditions from losing their health care, going after the corruption of those in Trump’s administration and blocking Trump from declaring Vladimir Putin’s birthday a national holiday.
Meanwhile, Republican politicians have been cowed by Trump’s takeover of the GOP and have no issues to run on in the General Election other than how sugary sweet Trump’s gaseous emissions are.
After struggling to come up with a convincing argument for re-electing Republicans who have given up all Congressional power to Trump, Ronna Romney McDaniel, Chair of the GOP and majority stockholder in Kool-Aid, has declared that Republicans should just embrace who they’ve become and hope it rallies their base on election day.
“The Republican Party will run on a unifying theme to assure voters that we will continue down the glorious Trump path we’re on,” McDaniel stated, leaning on a small cage with a 4 year old Latino boy in it.
“Our campaign theme for the upcoming November elections will be, ‘We Got Nothing’. Not only will this illustrate that we have no plans to disrupt the will of The President, we believe that this theme will also connect with farmers going bankrupt because of tariffs, the poor who are losing their safety nets and Christians who have abandoned all morality and principles to continue supporting Donald Trump. I think we can all raise our voices together as one with the same universal message…’We Got Nothing.'” McDaniel beamed.
In addition to offering the benefits of nothing to voters, McDaniel added that Republican politicians will all use “Trumplespeak”, Trump’s approach to presenting the opposites of truth as truths, to reach voters.
“We will educate voters that learning more about candidates will dumb them down, that the way to put more money in the pockets of 99% of Americans is to put it in the pockets of the 1% and that only by having each other as common enemies, can we all truly agree on something and get along,” McDaniels said as she proudly drooled from both sides of her mouth.
Interestingly, in order to promote their platform of offering nothing, McDaniels claimed the GOP was seeking to raise a record amount of contributions for an off year election.
“The less something makes sense, the more sensible it actually is,” McDaniels insisted as sparks and smoke began emitting from her ears. Technicians quickly hustled her away and all that was heard from McDaniels was a weary sigh and the words, “Not again.”