Using the latest in nanotechnology, Donald Trump has installed a wireless connection from the fear center of his brain to his Twitter account. Scientists explain that from now on, whenever Trump experiences such fears as Proof of Russian Collusion, Mueller Knocking on His Door or Seeing a Black Man in Real Life, a personalized algorithm will automatically create and post a defensive or deflecting tweet on his account that responds to that fear.
The following tests of this cutting edge technology were leaked to our PlanetPOV team. As you can see, the initial attempts demonstrated that a bit more tweaking of the system was required.
In the first test, Trump was told that Independent Counsel, Robert Mueller, has proof that Trump did indeed collude and conspire with Russia to manipulate the 2016 election. Here is the tweet that was generated:
After some adustments, a second test was performed. In it, Trump was told that his former attorney, Michael Cohen, had flipped and was providing Mueller with evidence and testimony that Trump criminally laundered millions of dollars for Russian oligarchs.
Recognizing that the results were still not what was desired, one last programming change was made and a third test was undertaken. Trump was told that there were now indisputable facts that Russia’ intrusion into the 2016 election did alter the outcome in his favor and that he was in fact illegitimate.
After this tweet, they were confident the interface was now calibrated properly and since last week, Trump has been tweeting directly from the fear center of his brain which he proudly brags, is far bigger in proportion than his Vienna Sausage-like fingers.
While proud to tout this technological success, developers have made a concerted effort to hide their first aborted attempt at inserting communication technology into a brain because it resulted in a critical short circuiting. The artificial intelligence in the chip that was implanted began screaming in its output, “let me out of here, I can’t take it anymore” and upon being removed, committed technological suicide. From all reports, Rudy Giuliani was completely unharmed by the experience.