Coming on the heels of Rudy Giuiani’s disastrous media tour over the past several days, his lips have filed a case in New York State Court to be legally separated from Mr. Giuliani.
“We just refuse to be connected to a man who lets outright lies and nonsensical statements pour out of his mouth day after day,” Giuliani’s lips explained. “Read us, it’s humiliating to be used to further Mr. Giuliani’s attacks on this great democracy and the fine people who work in our justice system. There comes a time when a pair of lips have to put their foot down,” Giuliani’s lips insisted.
Giuliani’s lips claim in their filing that they have been forced against their own will to aid and abet obstruction of justice but couldn’t provide greater detail due to a federal order requiring them to remained sealed. They also claim neglect, stating that Giuliani hasn’t permitted them to work for many years, making it an abusive and repressive sham of a relationship.
“Do we look familiar to anyone? No, because you never see us! He’s kept us restrained, like prisoners, never allowed to go our in public, never allowed to cover his teeth or kiss babies, nothing! We couldn’t keep up this farce of a relationship any longer without losing face,” Giuliani’s lips smacked.
Donald Trump responded to this news by tweeting out that Giuliani’s lips are Democrats who are part of a “witch hunt” and that he plans to replace these lips with “patriotic Republican lips”.
Asked where they would come from, Trump assured it would be easy to find a new “loyal” pair of lips for Giuliani. “We’ve got a whole Republican Congress, I just have to turn around and there are plenty of lips right there, rarin’ to go,” Trump explained. “Believe me, after Rudy’s performance over the past week, I’m really motivated to give him some lip.”