News & Politics

Captain Trump explained, "Yes, we hit an iceberg that had illegally immigrated into this part of the ocean to endanger our lives but because a ship captained by Trump is so powerful, it's the iceberg that's now sinking, not us."

In 1927, Koch developed a more efficient thermal cracking process for turning crude oil into gasoline. The larger oil companies instantly sued and filed 44 different lawsuits against Koch. Koch won all but one of the lawsuits, which was overturned after it was revealed that the judge had been bribed.

"Her Majesty trusted in me to serve a thick, over-sized side of beef in a flaky fragile shell and in the end, I wasn't able to serve Mr. Trump," Flanagan said.

Step right up! Try Republican Ryan's Remarkable Remedy! It's just the thing for what ails ya! One taste of this and whatever you were concerned about before will become the least of your worries!

"I think he did himself a lot of good last night when he was sleeping, no gaffes, projecting an image of being relaxed and peaceful, we'll see a turn around in the polls if he keeps sleeping like this," boasted New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie.

When did the American people decide to stop thinking and become willing participants in the destruction of the Republic and supporters of a wannabe dictator?

"I know how it feels to be famous and wrongly accused by women of abusing them, believe me, it's a tough pill to swallow," Cosby announced to the cringe of attending journalists. "I love women just as Mr. Trump does, if they only knew how much, they'd be knocked out."

"By mandating that all travelers fully expose themselves, we will be providing an atmosphere of humility and vulnerability that will naturally translate into a more civil and entertaining experience, especially for our management staff."

Confronted by reporters that this didn't make any sense in the rest of his Putin-supporting/America bashing statement, Trump replied, "It's not surprising that people in the fake news have so much hate in them, even for pudding. Pudding doesn't make sense? It's not supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to taste good and that's why I be loving pudding,"

 "Throughout the history of the human race, even up till the present moment, one of the most potent forces which men use to rally oppressed peoples together, in their drive towards freedom and emancipation from their oppressors, is religion....