Humor

"We do think we have a better shot than the Democrats at appealing to the pale white, mortified, brain dead, no information voter but that's not why we're doing this," Karl Rove evilly gloated, twirling a fake handlebar mustache he had just attached above his lip.

Reince Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, announced today at a gathering of high profile Republicans and Wall Street executives that the GOP is formally divorcing reality on grounds of irreconcilable differences.

One thing that America greatly values is its free press...which is why its been locked up in a safe that's hidden miles below the Earth's surface. Filling in for it, we have a corporatized Mainstream Media which looks just like the real thing only less filling.

Romney says corporations should be able to marry, gun manufacturing corporations should be allowed to have shotgun weddings, the energy industry deserves to have a nuclear family if they so choose and competing corporations should have the moral right to get into bed with each other.

There are complications that go along with having an eight year old boy as your campaign adviser including setting up playdates for him with Rick Perry and Herman Cain and having to discipline the adult staff to "act their age" so they're on a par with him.

It doesn't matter whether Bin Laden is killed, the economy is recovering or diet donuts have been invented that reduce your cholesterol and make you lose weight, the GOP is bent (in many ways) on spinning every bit of good news into something terrible.

It's understandable that no candidate would choose to openly campaign on cannibalism, except perhaps Ron Paul, so this terrifying agenda has been well hidden by Romney's campaign until Ted Nugent's accidental slip about it at the NRA convention.

In an unprecedented move, the Mainstream Media have announced that in order to keep the Presidential race the kind of competitive contest that Americans deserve, President Obama will now be blamed for the gaffes of anyone who ever supported or voted for him.

Romney has often demonstrated that he has more in common with firewood than fired workers, all that remains to confirm suspicions is for a woodpecker to perch on his block shaped head and begin pecking away.

Referencing the suffrage movement in the 1920's and civil rights supporters in the 1960's, top Republican leaders are nearing a vote in the House of Representatives to pass a law that would give corporations the right of other citizens, to vote in elections.