Humor

As part of their attempt to soften their image with voters just ahead of of next week's election, top names from the GOP have donned their Halloween costumes and are offering a trick...or treat...for America.

"We and the other networks are suing because of the incredible losses we've suffered due to Americans not suffering incredible losses."

Visit the "Brides of Foxenstein!" room where women are made up to look like the Bride of Frankenstein, chasing after and terrorizing older white men by demanding control over their own bodies and equal pay! Sca-a-ry!

If only on that dark day in Dallas, Secret Service Agent Steven Wilder, who was said to be easily distracted, hadn't misunderstood and thought he had been ordered to secure a book suppository.

The stakes with stopping carbon dioxide buildup are huge. The value of the un-drilled oil and methane and coal is in the trillions and if you think the oil and gas companies are going to write off those investments without a huge fight, I have a bridge to sell you.

Goodell stated, "These women are trying to corner me in a tight space, deliver a knockout blow to my head then drag me out of the NFL. It's an outrage! I'm not resigning because their claims aren't true, I don't tolerate violence against women...really wish I could pound that into their heads."

"These ISIS guys, they won't be armed, right? I mean, we're seasoned Ferguson cops, we're used to dealing harshly with groups of unarmed enemies, we're great at that."

When asked if it would strange to him, to be on vacation, Satan explained, "I am accustomed to being in horrific surroundings...so I booked a Carnival Cruise."

The real issue here is that when you criticize white people in power for using their power to further oppress black people, you're being racist. After all, aren't you attacking only white people when you do so?

The automatic impeachment declaration uses blank lines in the areas where charges against a future Democratic President should appear, and terms like "Enter Scandal Here", "List Connections to Terrorists" and "Fill In Traitorous Act" are placed beneath the blanks, in parentheses.