ebola suits

In an unprecedented action, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News have filed a joint lawsuit against the disease, Ebola, for $2.3 billion alleging they are incurring financial damages due to Ebola’s under-performance and as they term it, “irresponsible behavior unfitting a killer virus”.

This comes on the heels of the Center for Disease Control announcing today that 44 of 48 people have been cleared of being under watch for Ebola after having contact with Thomas Eric Duncan who died of Ebola in Dallas.

Roger Ailes defended the lawsuit, explaining, “Look, at Fox we know a thing or two about virulent public threats to our nation and in our opinion, ebola has shown incredibly bad faith by not fulfilling its responsibilities to the fear-based news structure upon which the entire U.S.’s media networks are based. And to the media, that’s scary.”

Jeff Zucker, president of CNN Worldwide, added, “We trusted Ebola, we looked for the worst in it, investing a great deal of resources in slashing our staff while promoting boundless terror in Ebola’s name and this is the thanks we get? 44 of 48 don’t get Ebola? And the other 4 may be cleared soon? Really? We’ve got ads to sell to oil companies trying to put a good face on spreading cancer through fracking, they don’t want to be associated with something as disrespectable as Ebola.”

MSNBC President Phil Griffin expressed dismay at Ebola’s failure to provide an actual epidemic as they and the other news stations promoted. “In any partnership situation, if one party can’t trust the other to perform, it is a breech of faith and an actionable breech of contract. Ebola has happily taken all the publicity we’ve delivered on its behalf and when it came time for Ebola to deliver, it came up way short. When we add up the amount we’ve spent in scary graphics, threatening intro music and acting lessons for our show’s hosts to look grim and unnerved over Ebola sweeping the nation, it’s quite  substantial. We and the other networks are suing because of the incredible losses we’ve suffered due to Americans not suffering incredible losses.”

Meanwhile, it was also announced today that attorney Mark O’Mara, who was the defense attorney for George Zimmerman, will be representing Ebola in this lawsuit. O’Mara declared, “Some may ask me why I would represent an unrepentant killing virus that threatens the piece of mind of millions of Americans and I tell them that George Zimmerman was entitled to a defense. As for Ebola, our position is that these news networks looked suspicious and attacked my client first so it had every right to respond as it did in self-defense.”

Ebola has filed a counter-suit claiming that being associated with CNN, MSNBC and Fox News has harmed its reputation.

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Harleigh
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Harleigh

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! This is a WARNING to all of my Republican friends! ALL of the polling precincts and ballots across our great land of freedom and democracy have been infected with EBOLA by Obama. The only way to avoid contamination and death is to stay at home and away from those places and documents for 21 days until the danger has passed or you may die! Please pass this warning on to everyone you know!

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UncleB
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UncleB

“The beatings will continue until morale improves”
— author unknown

“The fear-mongering will continue until ratings improve”
— modern day Media (?)

: (

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KillgoreTrout
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I thought this little tid bit from an article in Salon about Ted Cruz whining about not having a confirmed Surgeon General, and an ebola pandemic at the same time, quite fitting for your hilarious piece, Ad.

“But as good and decent and indicative of a functioning legislature as it would be to have a confirmed Surgeon General in place, let’s not pretend like it makes any difference in the supposedly epoch-defining struggle against Ebola (hysteria). There is no way that, as Candy Crowley put it, a Surgeon General would be able to “kind of calm what has become the fear of Ebola.” A couple of people in the United States have gotten the virus yet everyone is freaking out, because it’s an election season and the media famously sucks. There’s no stopping that train.”

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Funny stuff Ad and not too far from reality. Our news media these days is exactly what was described with such prescience in the great film “Network.”

The news media has become a real parody of it’s former self. What’s going on today with them and the general viewers of these outlets is something very weird.

So many people now have a lot of time on their hands, for various reasons like unemployment, retirement, illnesses….etc. The news outlets, at least the cable news outlets have way more time than they need and have to fill their hours with content. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. These hours are filled with vacuous debate about some of the most trivial aspects of life in America.

When these outlets get a real news story, like ebola coming to the US, they lose all perspective and just go on a feeding frenzy that helps fill all the unnecessary hours they have to broadcast. They have to whip up the tension, the suspense, the drama, the paranoia….etc. Their goal is to keep their audience glued to their screens, on the edge of their seats! Pass the popcorn and damn the truth, this shit is entertainment!

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funksands
Member

As of this writing, more people have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died from Ebola in the United States.

Great piece Ad, I really enjoyed it!

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KillgoreTrout
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Too funny funk!

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pinkpantheroz
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Ad, what a triumph! Indeed, this sure proves that the pen is a much scarier weapon than the sword, or disease, or rising sea levels, or any other phobia you care to name.

It is also a sad indictment of the intelligence of the average citizen. They cannot seem to comprehend that there is no epidemic, that the one outbreak has been controlled and that there are no hordes of ebola-ridden people flooding into the US. The fear mongers will, despite all reason, ‘keep up the skeer’ to those poor dimwits who will rush out to buy useless facemasks, hazmat suits and lots of guns and ammo to keep their kin safe. Shows how far down into the ooze Murdoch and his minions have slid. God help us if there ever is a pandemic.

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monicaangela
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I couldn’t agree more with your comment PPO! Truth, God help us if we in this nation or the world for that matter should ever undergo a real pandemic.

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monicaangela
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WOW!!!! You knocked it out of the park with this one AdLib!!

What are we to do about the MSM? That is the question. I read the article, and could actually envision all the cases and facts you represented for and against the unrepentant virus as truth. The characters you portray as those with a bone to pick are perfect, the fear-mongering networks and their leadership are portrayed perfectly. And, also too, the actual reason for the lawsuit is so spot on it’s uncanny. Why does the MSM choose to alarm the public every chance they get? FEAR SELLS.

“The only rule that ever made sense to me I learned from a history, not an economics, professor at Wharton. “Fear,” he used to say, “fear is the most valuable commodity in the universe.” That blew me away. “Turn on the TV,” he’d say. “What are you seeing? People selling their products? No. People selling the fear of you having to live without their products.” Fuckin’ A, was he right. Fear of aging, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of failure. Fear is the most basic emotion we have. Fear is primal. Fear sells.”
~~~~~~~― Max Brooks

Your article is very funny, but the truth of it makes me very sad. When will we have Truth in Media, something similar to Truth in Advertising. (When consumers see or hear an advertisement, whether it’s on the Internet, radio or television, or anywhere else, federal law says that ad must be truthful, not misleading, and, when appropriate, backed by scientific evidence. The Federal Trade Commission enforces these truth-in-advertising laws, and it applies the same standards no matter where an ad appears – in newspapers and magazines, online, in the mail, or on billboards or buses. The FTC looks especially closely at advertising claims that can affect consumers’ health or their pocketbooks – claims about food, over-the-counter drugs, dietary supplements, alcohol, and tobacco and on conduct related to high-tech products and the Internet, such as the dissemination of spyware. The FTC also monitors and writes reports about ad industry practices regarding marketing of food, violent movies, music, and electronic games to children). We need this same scrutiny and more when it comes to the MSM.

I have to compliment you on your description of O’Mara’s reason for taking the Zimmerman case and your description of George Zimmerman in one fell swoop…Kudos to you, what a perfect description. LOL !!!

Thanks for this article, I would truly love for every citizen in this nation to have the opportunity to read and reflect upon this article and what it is trying to convey. We no longer have integrity in news reporting, we instead have a 24/7 commercial designed to imitate what might have been what we used to consider the Morning, Afternoon, or Evening News. Sad commentary for a nation that considers itself an empire, number one among nations, and worthy of having people be angry with it just because they envy our way of life and our freedom of choice….what a laugh.

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Nirek
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Too funny Ad, you get a belly laugh from me.

Cable “news” is anything but NEWS! They give opinions like I do here. However I don’t claim to be giving news, just my opinions.

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GreenChica
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GreenChica

Hilarious, Adlib. I loved CNN’s big headline today, about how the hysteria is spreading much faster than the disease. As if they had nothing to do with it.

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monicaangela
Member

Spot on GreenChica, it’s uncanny how they try to play with the minds of the citizens of this nation and the world for that matter….unbelievable. 🙂

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MurphTheSurf3
Editor

Perfecto Mundo!!!! Ad Lib.

This little gem is being relayed to Yabberz and Daily Kos.

It is the piece that I wish I had written (but will get some credit for by association!)

I recall how angry the national media was at Ford after his pardoning of Nixon and how they set out to ruin his image and his campaign and to elevate a very unprepared peanut farmer who could not have won a second term in Georgia to an exalted level.

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