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AdLib On September - 11 - 2014

NFL: Annual Meetings

Reeling from harsh criticism over their treatment of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice’s assault of his now-wife,ย  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has taken a bold step to win back the support of women.

“Let me say first to all the gals out there, we at the NFL love you. We love the way you flail your hands when you run, we love how you cook our dinners while we watch tv and yell at you to keep it down and we love how you jump up on tables, holding up your skirt and shrieking when you see a mouse,” Goodell declared at this hastily arranged press conference.

“I know some women out there may have their doubts but that won’t stop us, we’re the NFL and we will express our love of women to them even if they try to resist it,” explained Goodell. “I do have to say, we’ve felt sucker punched by the unfair attack on us by women’s groups. In the world of women, they’re more powerful than us and using their greater power over us, to attack us then blame us for causing the attack is outrageous and hypocritical. They may come after “bro’s” but NFL men have always respected women by leaving the money on the dresser first,ย  trusting them with very personal pictures and holding elevator doors open for them when they’re unconscious.”

Goodell announced that as a gesture of good faith and to address women’s their concerns about the NFL being insensitive to violence against women, the NFL will dedicate a portion of the 2015 Superbowl Halftime Show as A Tribute to Women.

“We’re just putting all the pieces together now but it’s very important to us that the women of America see how we truly respect them. What it will be is a series of events focused on women that will give them the spotlight, to expose their unique endowments and receive a meaningful amount of money for doing so. So far, we’ve put the following together. We’ll begin with a wet football jersey contest followed by a field goal pole dance-off and end with a “We Twerk Hard For the Money” twerking contest with a $10,000 award to the winner and a contract to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. We’ve already got Hooters and Cinemax on board as sponsors, it’s really taking off.”

Responding to calls from women’s groups for Goodell to resign as Commissioner as the NFL, Goodell seemed vulnerable and offended. “These women are trying to corner me in a tight space, deliver a knockout blow to my head then drag me out of the NFL. It’s an outrage! To their calls for me to resign, I have just one thing to say, ‘No means no.'” I am not resigning because their claims aren’t true, I don’t tolerate violence against women…really wish I could pound that into their heads.”

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

39 Responses so far.

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  1. Harleigh says:

    Great piece Adlib! While we are addressing this issue then we should also take away some of the misogynist team names also too! Like the BEAVERS! WTF!? That’s as bad as calling themselves the Fightin Pussies! We could get rid of the Vajayhawks as well! harumph.

  2. James Michael Brodie says:

    What’s sad is that what you wrote is not far from the truth of what guys like these likely feel. But before we make this an NFL-only issue, I hope we will use this to really address violence against women.

    This happens in “Men’s Clubs” in various walks of life. What I hope this case does is offer up a chance for a real change and not a mere “gotcha” game moment.

    • monicaangela says:

      I agree JMB, we should not allow the main issue here to be swept under the rug. NFL, NBA, or whatever sports club, “Men’s Clubs,” whatever. The point is violence against women and how to deal with the misogynistic attitude that appears to run rampant in this world, not only in sports, but in many areas. This problem needs to be front and center in this conversation. Not Goodell, not football except to address the manner in which the game seems to teach/create violence. It is time we try to educate the young in order to eradicate this problem. We need to make this sort of thing a reason ostracizing those who participate in it. We need to make those that are guilty of it feel lower than dirt. If we did this along with legal punishment I believe some of this misogynistic behavior would cease.

  3. pinkpantheroz says:

    Paranoia, agressiveness, temper flares, WAGS abuse, all symptoms of Steroid abuse. I don’t follow the admin side of NFL ( It’s hard enough following my poor Carmineepidermi!), but I don’t recollect ever seeing NFL suspend players for Steroid abuse. Maybe someone can put me right on that. Does the NFL test for steroids, and, if not, why not? Maybe the only way to play today’s game is from being juiced up the wazoo.I Don’t know.
    No matter. Physical and mental abuse of partners is plain unacceptable. Covering up such abuse for the sake of the image of the NFL is criminal, as it makes them an accessory after the fact. But the one thing that disturbs me more than anything is what Goodell said about counceling Rice and helping him address the problem. What about the now-Mrs. Rice? I think that the NFL is full of dirty little secrets about the number and scale of abuse of players’ partners, and the League needs to clean up it’s act, and not throw the dirty laundry straight into the Spin Cycle.

    • RSGmusic says:

      HI pinkpantheroz,
      Yes the NFL test for steroids. THey can be used for healing if the player is not on any active player list’s including the practice squad.
      THe player must get permission before the use of them from the league.

      I do not know what disciple the players get if they get caught normally. I do no it has steps though.

      prosper always!!

    • pinkpantheroz says:

      A follow up. HP reports that:
      “The Wall Street Journal on Thursday afternoon reported that a team owner said Goodell didn’t punish Rice more harshly out of respect for Rice’s wife and also because Goodell heard Janay Rice say that she had struck Rice as well. The story also said that Goodell “said he left the meeting believing that Janay Rice had become unconscious because she had fallen during the scuffle,” according to the owner.”

      Irrespective of the fact that his then fiancee hit him, that is no excuse for what he, or anyone else, did.

      • kesmarn says:

        I seem to recall O J Simpson saying that Michelle was known to throw a punch now and then too, PPO. He seemed to be toying with the notion of a plea that he’d acted in self-defense when “she was killed.” (Almost wrote “when he killed her,” but he was acquitted.)

        I never realized how terrifying 100 pound women could be to great big NFL football players until recently!

        Maybe professional teams should start fielding their cheerleading teams. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. GreenChica says:

    ๐Ÿ˜† Brilliant.

  5. Beatlex says:

    Good post Adlib! What other conclusion could one come to after the first video that shows him dragging her off of the elevator?Obviously he had knocked her out.Just shows the power of video when the second vid came out.Goodale-Goodbye,hopefully ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. kesmarn says:

    What Goodell hasn’t figured out yet, AdLib, is that he hasn’t taken it far enough. He should double down. Get the word out that it really isn’t the fault of the guys in the first place.

    Wasn’t it Eve who took the first bite out of the apple and then disguised the rest in pastry, sugar and cinnamon and served it up to Adam as the quintessentially ‘Murkan dish? What did Adam know? Just that it tasted great with ice cream, that’s all. Sneaky woman. She’s the one who got them both banned from the Eden league indefinitely.

    Goodell should make it clear that if all the wimmen folk would just learn to cover up decent-like and keep their pie-holes shut, these disciplinary punches wouldn’t be necessary.

    He hasn’t figured out how to get out of defensive mode and go on offense!

    Once he does, he can go from offense to offensive in no time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. Kudos Ad. Another great piece of satire, and probably not far from the truth.

    Men who abuse women are not men at all. Just sick little boys in grown-up’s bodies. Men who beat on women should be made to go into a boxing ring with the meanest and toughest professional fighters. Let them learn, first hand, what it’s like to be pummeled by someone who has every advantage over them. Oh, and throw away the rule book. Let them get beaten to a pulp.

    • monicaangela says:

      Hello KT!
      Sounds like a great idea, but that would only make the cowards even more of a coward. The oppressor becomes the oppressed and the abused become the abuser. They would after being beaten take more pleasure in being able to beat up on someone who could not return the favor. I believe we need to chastise them where it hurts. Put them in jail, and continue to increase the sentence after each new infraction. While in jail they should receive psychological assistance and education. Hopefully that would help curtail this sickness that is much too prevalent in this world.

      • Monica, my plan was to have the abuser beaten to a pulp, for each offense. Of course I am being a bit unrealistic and not really advocating such punishment. It sure would give the abuser something to think about though.

        I believe that most men who beat their women are incapable of “learning,” not to do it. Counselling may help in some rare cases, but men who abuse women are much like child abusers. Beyond hope.

        • monicaangela says:

          I’m inclined to believe you KT…It’s sad really. Of course you know the aggressive gene that causes it is in all of us, and domination and the need to dominate is not only in men who beat women, it is in business, it is in religion, it is in every aspect of our lives. I guess the object is to learn to be human and in doing so much of the desire to be number one at any cost is curtailed, especially when those who would become abusive decide that nothing is too much as long as they are able to dominate.

          • Man IS an aggressive animal. Maybe someday that gene will be bred out of us. It will be a long time coming, though.

            • monicaangela says:

              Happy to hear that KT. I have tried both of those things. I have been having this problem since 7:00 am this morning. Can’t understand what is causing it. I left a message on the help desk but it doesn’t appear Ad or Kalima have seen it yet. I’ll be patient, maybe they can tell me what is happening.

            • Oh, not at all Monica. Ad and Kalima don’t block comments. Try refreshing the page, or leave the site for a moment and then get back on. That may solve the problem.

            • monicaangela says:

              I agree. Sorry I can’t answer your comment on O/T. I appear to be blocked from entering comments there. I’m logged in, but when I go to O/T or a couple of other areas on the site I get the you must be logged in to reply even though I am already logged in. Is this a manner in which comments are blocked here?

      • Nirek says:

        We certainly have to do something to curb abuse of anyone. Education is a key. To me it is never okay to hit a woman or child. If a man is hit he should walk away rather than hit back.

        My Dad taught me to treat a lady respectfully.

        • monicaangela says:

          You are correct Nirek, and so is your dad. Women who strike out rather than try to reason are also in need of education. In a situation where a man is much stronger, and able to control his urge to strike back, he should do so, however I don’t believe the issue should be dropped completely. I believe that man and that woman need to sit down later, discuss their relationship, and if they can’t continue to be together without violence should as friends decide to separate. That is of course just my opinion, but I believe a relationship where one person are the other has to resort to violence that relationship is not a healthy one. I believe those persons would be better off if they ended the relationship.

          • It, at first, surprised me that she went ahead with the wedding, but then I remembered that abused women are somehow (most likely fear and codependency) incapable of denying their abusers much of anything. Stockholm syndrome?

  8. monicaangela says:


    This is absolutely perfect AdLib, you nailed it. I could actually imagine Gooddell saying everything you wrote and more, and with a straight/serious face having all good intentions behind the sentiments. He is just that out of touch as are many men who are taught to think this way when it comes to women. Objects, something to be used for their benefit. In these types of arenas a woman can’t smile without a man thinking she is coming on to him, can’t walk without these types believing she’s adding an extra twist to attract their attention, and can’t use their brain because these types, those like Goodell and many in the NFL, believe women’s physical attributes are all they have to offer. :)

    • AdLib says:

      monicaangela, thank you so much!!!

      They don’t have a monopoly on it but generally speaking, men connected to professional sports sure do seem to be wired in that same misogynist way. Consider that they really don’t spend much of their day around women, they’re mostly around men non-stop. And how do most of those men talk about women? How do guys constantly competing against guys to be superior to them…come to look at women?

      And let’s face it, football players aren’t generally known for their intellect and philosophical explorations. Many are just adult boys, sports can coddle young men so they don’t have to grow up thus it’s less surprising that they can hold such immature views, especially of women.

      And I see that impact you mention in both directions, women who have been so repeatedly accosted just for offering a friendly smile that they avoid eye contact or smiling. That’s not right.

      It may be the 21st Century but when it comes to the sexes and race, the 19th Century is just below the surface.

  9. Nirek says:

    Ad, did you forget “keeping them barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen”?

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