Earlier today, Satan held a press conference in what was first believed to be Hell but later was revealed to be Fox News host Sean Hannity’s dressing room, to announce that for the first time ever, he would be taking a vacation.
“Don’t see why I can’t finally take a few weeks off. I mean, who’s gonna notice? ” Satan remarked, dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a faded “McCain/Palin 2008” t-shirt. “I mean, who’s going to miss me when they’ve got militarized police going rougue, ISIS massacring thousands, Israel and Hamas firing rockets at each other’s populations, Climate Change causing worldwide droughts, ebola…hey, it’s like checking off every item on your Christmas list…if you celebrated Christmas that is.”
When asked if it would strange to him, to be on vacation, Satan explained, “I have become accustomed to being in horrific surroundings…so I booked a Carnival Cruise.” Satan added, “You know, a demon of mine said, ‘Dude, but while you’re gone, who’s gonna tempt people to act on their worst instincts?’ I asked him, ‘You never heard of the Republican Party?’ Hey, ask the kids crossing the border about that one! Or women and minorities, the poor and vulnerable, even a black president…in fact, I’ve got a good mind to sue them for copyright infringement! Just joking, keep up the good work, boys!”
Satan said that after his cruise down the Mississippi to Saint Louis, he’ll join a tour group in Israel going to Gaza, backpack through Ukraine and Russia and hike up a mountain in Iraq.
“Death gets to take a holiday and I have to sit through his vacation pictures,” Satan remarked. “About time it was my turn to let my horns down.”