"Let's make America great again and maybe we can start to do that by basing our elections on something truly American, a mafia style threat that says, 'You didn't see anything, you didn't hear anything! Vote Trump!'"
"It sure beats having Hillary as President," said Senator Jeff Sessions while wading knee deep through the bloody carnage of tens of thousands of dismembered Alabama citizens. "Can you imagine what her liberal policies would do to the people of this country?!"
When we rhetorically hide our faces behind our hands when election results are obvious and say, "Where are the the winners? Who could they be?" then pull our hands away and say, "Peekaboo!!! What a surprise!!! What does this mean???"...it makes our viewers giggle with delight!
Trump expressed that he was very excited about reaching out to women, saying that they have actually been asking for it. "I get it, they've been saying 'no' in the polls but I know women, they really means 'yes'."
In a startling display of irrational hostility, Donald Trump accidentally beat himself up in front of a raucous crowd during a rally in Phoenix, Arizona today.
TRUMP: "Look, who is this guy to be quoting The Bible to me?! For every Corinthian he names, I can name two!"
South Carolina, proud of its reputation for having the lowest and most degrading style of politics, is hosting the next GOP debate that will require the candidates to speak only in nasty limericks.
Satire explained, "The final straw for us was really Sarah Palin endorsing Trump. We leveraged ourselves big time into a Trump/Palin product line and lost everything when Reality came out with the identical product. We just can't compete any longer with Reality so we have to close our doors."
So, here we are coming to the end of a pretty unbelievable year. A reality show host is on the verge of becoming a...
From Hillary Clinton's version of The Christmas Song: "Trump's nuts roasting on an open fire. Bernie's nipping at your heels. Wall Street's bankrolls being snagged by your PAC, And you dressed up like Lib-er-als."
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