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AdLib On March - 18 - 2016

Trump choke

In a startling display of irrational hostility, Donald Trump accidentally beat himself up in front of a raucous crowd during a rally in Phoenix, Arizona today.

While most of his speech was a repetition of familiar statements about his strong poll numbers, building a wall and making Mexico pay for it and claiming China, Japan and all other U.S. trading partners were “killing us”, he started espousing conflicting views on the occurrence of violence at his rallies.

Trump began addressing the mounting violence at his rallies by claiming that there was none and his supporters were peaceful. “We have a great time at my rallies, don’t we?! The people who come to my rallies are good people, believe me, great people who are as peaceful as they are uneducated,” Trump insisted to loud and oblivious applause. “It’s the protesters who come here looking for violence, not us.”

Trump then turned on himself, “Come on, we’ve had enough of political correctness! What I miss is the old days, when you could just punch a protester in the face if you didn’t like what he said. We need more people put in comas by politics, not less!”

Trump then shook his head at himself. “Now you’re lying, I’ve never said that, I’ve never promoted violence at my rallies, there is no violence at a Trump rally, believe me.”

His disagreement with himself became more heated and escalated into his roughly pushing himself around the stage before sucker punching himself. After knocking himself to the floor,  Trump yelled at himself, “You’re  horrible! Really horrible! You’re the biggest liar I have ever seen and I’ve seen plenty!”

The packed crowd looked on silently in bewilderment as Trump continued berating and slapping himself. Then, like a domino effect, it spread among the Trump supporters in the audience who began mimicking his behavior and enthusiastically beating themselves up and hurling vicious and bigoted insults at themselves while protesting that they were non-violent.

Secret Service officers eventually snapped out of their disbelief and wrestled with each other as some of them tried to restrain Trump from beating himself up while the others tried to hustle him out of the arena.

Hours after the chaotic rally ended and the crowd finally dispersed, Trump tweeted on his Twitter account, “Great rally today in Phoenix! Confident now, no one can beat me…except me!”

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

33 Responses so far.

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  1. James Michael Brodie says:

    Food for thought:

    According to PolitFact, Hillary Clinton’s statements come out at “True” 72 percent of the time (fully “True” at 24 percent) since the beginning of the campaign. Clinton’s challenged statements have rated out as “False” or “Pants on Fire” 14 percent of the time,

    Bernie Sanders comes out at 70 percent “True” (fully “True” at 24 percent). Sanders’ challenged statements have rated out as “False” or “Pants on Fire” 15 percent of the time.

    John Kasich has been rated “True” 67 percent of the time (fully “True” at 25 percent). His challenged statements have rated out as “False” or “Pants on Fire” 33 percent of the time.

    Ted Cruz rated “True” 35 percent of the time (fully “True” at 6 percent). His challenged statements have rated out as “False” or “Pants on Fire” 65 percent of the time.

    Donald Trump comes out at 23 percent “True” (fully “True” at 3 percent). His challenged statements have rated out as “False” or “Pants on Fire” 61 percent of the time.

    What this data means is for you to decide…

    Source: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/

    • AdLib says:

      That score sure seems high for Trump…still trying to think of something true he’s ever said. Oh, he called Cruz a liar…but he would have said that about whoever runs against him anyway.

    • kesmarn says:

      Wow…Trump is actually — for once — telling the truth when he says that Cruz is the biggest liar of all time!

  2. James Michael Brodie says:

    I really needed this. Good laugh. Great writing… :-)

  3. Ad, your article made me think of this classic.

  4. Beatlex says:

    “Sucker punched himself” ROTFLMFAO!! Love it Ad

  5. monicaangela says:

    I don’t know how you do it AdLib. How do you manage to take comedy and make it sound as though it could actually be true. I pictured the events happening as you laid them out. Yes, I said to myself, that’s plausible, this guy is so full of himself, I could see him actually starting something with himself and ending up getting the worst of it in the end. Loved the part where he sucker punched himself, wow could I visualize that happening. Somehow in my visualization his body guards were on lunch break and were not able to stop the attack before he accidentally detached that part of the fluff on his head that is sewn in or pasted on. Oh, it was quite an event (in my mind of course). Thanks for the laugh. However; as I said, this may seem far fetched but I could actually see it happening. 😀

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks so much, monica!

      I like the idea of him pulling his own mop of hair off…perhaps to reveal it’s a very calm and artfully styled Pomeranian?

      The allegory sure seems true to me, he is his own worst enemy and while his hatred is attracting the narrow minded, desperate white people out there, he is sealing his fate with women, Latinos, African Americans and young voters among many others, to oppose him in Nov.

      He is beating himself up and he is too clueless to realize it…thank goodness.

      • monicaangela says:

        I believe he actually believes it when he says Women, Latinos, African Americans and young voters love him because he is going to give them jobs…lots of jobs, he hires lots of people and when they see how many jobs he is going to create they’ll love him and vote for him…did I say they will love him because he is going to bring lots of jobs back to America, oh yes, and that he is going to make America great again..they’re going to love him, really, they’re going to love him. I believe that was a direct quote. LOL! 😀

        • AdLib says:

          Monica, you know what they say about a man with a small vocabulary…he can’t be trusted.

          I think it says less about Trump than the gross stupidity of his followers that they believe his obvious BS.

          It does seem like it’s a conflict that’s not just Repubs vs. Dems, bigots vs. pro-equality but also the stupid vs. the intelligent.

          The intelligent in the GOP are on the same side as intelligent Dems in seeing through Trump’s snake oil act and despising him. On the other side, if you’ve seen interviews with his followers, are the least educated, most ignorant rubes you’ve ever seen. They buy into such an obvious huckster, products of the deteriorating educational system that Repubs have been bringing about through cuts.

          • monicaangela says:

            It’s really sad what politicians have done to this nation and the people of this nation. I used to think that the media and political influence had very little to do with the dumbing down of America. Not so sure anymore. It appears there was a goal behind what they were attempting to do. First make them ignorant, next take their homes and jobs, final straw, place them in so much debt they don’t have time to complain and Voila we back in the days of slavery. Ain’t it great!

    • Nirek says:

      Monica, the republican party is self destructing all because of trump. I love it. There is not one candidate who can hold a candle to Bernie!
      Also there is still half the country to vote yet. Bernie is going to do better with the rest of the country.

  6. kesmarn says:

    AdLib, here’s another guy who completely agrees with you!

    Ben Carson insists that there are two (at least) Donald Trumps.

    And The Donald both agrees with him and disagrees with him at the same time:

  7. Kalima says:

    Your article was funny because that’s how crazy this all is, AdLib. Your humour keeps me sane.

    This isn’t, and the extent of violence on the map is scary. Trump should be careful that he doesn’t become a victim himself. His son has already received a suspicious letter. What goes around, comes around.


    (Click on the states to read an account of what happened there.)

    How Trump Has Inspired Violence Across The Country, In One Map



    Suspicious Letter Containing White Powder Sent to Donald Trump’s Son


    • AdLib says:

      Thanks Kalima!

      Yes, Trump and his minions are totally clueless that raising an atmosphere of hatred can cause it to be turned on themselves (as my parody illustrated).

      It’s of course the wrong thing to do but not surprising that those they’re hating against might send faux-anthrax letters are get into fights with them at campaign events.

      Hate is a boomerang, no matter how hard you throw it, it always comes back.

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