Texas Straightjacket

What is it that makes a minority of Texans into raving, paranoid loons? Is it the petroleum fumes in the air that impair their brain functions? Is it the mass consumption of fat and rampant obesity that clogs their arteries and starves their brains of oxygen? Or when you’re 18 and first register to vote Republican in Texas, do they complete the initiation by making you ride a bronco until you are thrown onto your head?

It’s gotten so bad that the word “crazy” is filing a restraining order against Texas Republicans from coming within 100 feet of it.

But these Home-On-De-Ranged Texans ain’t goin’ nowhere. Whether it’s suspicion of chem trails proving the government is chemically mind controlling its own people, President Obama being a stealth Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist terrorist who wants to cut off their heads in the streets or everyone coming to take their guns away, these misfits from the Loon Star State have more than enough paranoia to spread around in every direction.

What a way to live life, as abject cowards, eternally frightened by the world around them to the point of seeing conspiracies over even the smallest things and fearing them as existential threats.

Such a funny dichotomy, the “macho” swagger of these kinds of Tea-xans who wear their fear and cowardice as a badge of manhood. “You bet them government folks want to take away our guns. Yep, y’all better be ready when Obama tells them Muslims to rise up and cut all us Christians’ heads off. Uh-huh, them gays want to make Christianity illegal just so they can marry.’

They actually seem to think that saying such things reflects well on them, as if it makes them brave by facing up to all those “evil” people who are conspiring against them. In fact, they are exposing that they are insecure, intimidated and ignorant cowards, afraid of the slightest breeze for fear it’s part of a Left Wing plot to promote the Climate Change hoax and shut down all oil drilling.

This July, the U.S. military will be staging a sizable military training exercise named Jade Helm 15. It will take place in a number of states including California, New Mexico…and, oh yeah, Texas.

However, only in Texas have the Texas Toasted come out of the woodwork, whipped up by the cynical Right Wing radio and tv hosts and bloggers, to howl about what this really is…of course, it’s a plan for the federal government to invade and take over Texas! Because if there’s one thing the U.S. government has a track record of doing, it’s invading the states that are already part of them.

BTW, nutballs in Texas, don’t flatter yourself, you’re like an obnoxious high school nerd who warns the cheerleaders not to try and seduce him. If we really had a choice, believe me, we wouldn’t want to be seen with you as our date at the prom or anywhere else.

And if some think it’s only a fringe of the Texas GOP who have deep fried the reasoning center of their brains, Texas’ Republican Governor Greg Abbott has directed the Texas State Guard to monitor the exercises of the U.S. military during Jade Helm 15…out of fear that they will suddenly attack and take over Texas. Abbott said he was doing so because it was “important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed.”

And if the military really was there to take over Texas, what exactly would a poorly armed, poorly trained handful of Texas State Guard do to stop tanks, drones, attack helicopters and lots of armed and trained troops?

Of course famous Texas poster children for the dangers of eating paint chips, Senator Ted Cruz and Rep. Louie Gohmert are all up in arms at this and warning of the threat it poses to our “libertease”.

Everything’s bigger in Texas except the one thing they need most, mental health facilities.

So consider this, the Governor of Texas, one of its U.S. Senators and Reps, along with many others, are openly promoting the view that the U.S. Military is a possible enemy of their state, that our military may have a secret plan to overthrow their state government (and do exactly what after that?) and that our military men and women, who these two-faced, paranoid lunatics claim to support, should be suspected of possibly being evil invading enemies of all Texans (including the soldiers who are from Texas).

BTW, here’s an informative article about this in the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/07/us/conspiracy-theories-over-jade-helm-get-some-traction-in-texas.html

We knew that the election of Barack Obama as President would make some on the right crazy but most of us meant that in a figurative way. In Texas though, there are those who have literally gone Cuckoo for Conspiracy Pops because of it.

Of course, no such ridiculous suspicions of military training exercises (and the military has had such exercises in TX in the past…without taking over the state government of TX too many times) occurred when there wasn’t a black Commander in Chief. When these same types of exercises took place under white Republican Presidents, there was no expressed concern.

But a military under the command of a black man?! “They’s a’ comin’ for us, Cathy! They want to take away our churches and guns and fried turduckens! And they wanna take away our guvermint which we hate and don’t want anyway! Wait…hey…where are my balls, they already got them! H-E-L-P!!! They’s a’ comin’ to get the rest next!”

Yep, what brave men those Tea Partyin’ Texans are. Well, I’ve got one thing to say to them:

AN OPEN CONFESSION TO RIGHT WING REPUBLICAN TEXANS

You’re right! We are sending in the military to take over your state, take away your guns, break up your marriages and force you all to gay marry! Heh-heh-heh! It’s all going as planned! Once we take over, we will rename Texas to New California and laugh gleefully!

With our GMO crops engineered to control your minds along with the brainwashing qualities of the fluoride in your water, everyone in Texas will begin having abortions and children will be reading new textbooks that makes them force their parents into paying reparations for slavery to all black people! And we’re going to give every important state office to Mexicans, women and African Americans!

We’re not worried about finally exposing our conspiracy to you, there’s nothing you can do about it now! No one will believe you when you try to warn them of our using the U.S. military to invade you! And you poor fools, look around your state…we already have military bases everywhere! Ha-ha-ha! It’s too late to do anything about it!

You’ll never figure out all of our conspiracies and you’ll never stop us…unless you nominate Ted Cruz for President! Please don’t do that!  It will mean the end of all of our complex and truly stupid conspiracies. And think about it, without them, we may fail with our evil plans but you’ll lose your entire purpose for existence! It’s a lose-lose…and talking about lose-lose, whatever you do, don’t nominate Ted Cruz!

Thank you!

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jjgravitas
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jjgravitas

Ever wondered what would happen if Texas ever managed to “secdee” from the Union? The federal loans that prop up Texas economy would end and Texas poverty would skyrocket. As their poverty increased, so would their paranoia. The entire Texas border would be fenced in with barbed wire. Fracking would make all Texas ground water undrinkable, so Texas would have to ship all their drinking water in from outside their “country”. Free of the American Constitution, Texas would be free to institutionalize racism, reinstitute slavery, make guns available to everyone except so-called “undesirables” who are no good for anything except cheap labor. It would basically be the Lone Star version of North Korea. Worst of all, they would no longer be free to shout out “‘MERICA!”

AlphaBitch
Member
AlphaBitch

Good one, B’rer AdLib!

Nirek
Member
Nirek
Member
Nirek
Member

You know AdLib, that the crazies that have wormed their way into the Texas “leadership” have arrived from places like Conn. (‘W”) , Canada via Cuba (Cruz), and others.

Great peice Ad, but watch out some of it is already coming true. It must be hard to come up with these things ahead of them becoming real.

S-Man
Member
S-Man

The father of today’s GOP could be Rod Serling, they live in The Twilight Zone and their policies could be episodes of The Night Gallery.

kesmarn
Admin

nullATTENTION: ALL TEXAS LIBERALS

HELP is on the way.

You are about to be liberated. The U.S. Army is en route. Here come the Marines.

Hang on. Your long days and interminable nights are almost over.

AlphaBitch and friends and family — freedom is at hand. Feel free to throw flowers in the path of the advancing American troops. Your oppressors will face justice.

AlphaBitch
Member
AlphaBitch

GIMME SHELTER………..

Now the Alamo has been taken over by “the gubmint” and will be run like a Disneyland attraction (OK, it was Fess Parker as Davy that started my love affair with the place).

Texas: their voters are lazy and/or crazy. What else can I say?

Am negotiating a life in Canada via Twitter. Had a few invites. Trying to put on a lot more blubber so I’se can stay warm…..

In all truth, MOCK THEM. Actually mocking these guys is the best way to get them to back down. They are stupid, but when everyone laughs and points at your crotch, betcha look down.

So Kes, Ad and other sane Planet Folks: what say we move this operation north and attack from the OTHER America? You know: North America.

I had a feeling that my name would be brought up. Now I have to go help the Feds find their way thru town. Lots of one way streets. Need “boots on the ground”. Good thing I’ve got about 10 pair….

See y’all on Vox, maybe, if I am awake……

And y’all know that Gov. Rolling Disaster (code name for project) must have surely sustained a head injury as well as a spinal one from that falling tree.
-AB

kesmarn
Admin

Hey, Frennie! So good to see you!

Missed Vox, but I hope to catch you later!

😀

KillgoreTrout
Member

Great comment AB. Very funny!

choicelady
Member

You know, there ARE reasons to believe in government conspiracies. From unexplained discrepancies in the horrid JFK assassination to CONINTELPRO to secret bombings in Cambodia, to CIA interventions everywhere. However, if you look closely, those covert actions are virtually ALL the product of RW extremist forces. They are NOT the product of most liberal administrations, not even under LBJ in the thick of Vietnam.

What fascinates me is that because the movements in the 60s and 70s revealed so much about the covert operations that this nation had, it is the RIGHT that has embraced the “OMG it’s the end of the WORLD” views. As they have become the ‘victims’ of ‘oppression’ making their issues the new ‘civil rights movements’ of today, it’s all to push back against the truth that they dominate the most disgusting aspects of discrimination, of violence, of oppression.

By touting their victimhood, they think they can deflect our inquiries into their corruption and treachery. It’s all the ‘man behind the curtain’ sleight-of-hand to keep their own people, mostly poor white people, from looking too closely at how they have been betrayed by the RW.

It started with the KKK, a product of the white, rich planter class, to keep poor whites more scared of the newly freed Black populations than of their exploitation. To prevent unification between poor whites and poor Blacks, the KKK was a powerful tool to promote division, fear, distraction away from a unified action against rich planters and their merchant allies. It worked.

And people are still falling for it today. “That Black president is gonna take over Texas!” is the new “they’re comin’ fer ya” mantra. But as with Y2K and ginning up fear against that white Democrat, Bill Clinton, I’m wondering what the hell they will do for an encore. No FEMA camps, no take over of Texas, no martial law, no loss of guns, no nothing. There always has to be something. Otherwise, well, poor white working people and poor Black working people just might get hip to the REAL enemy. Can’t be having THAT now, can we?

Whatever will they do for an encore?

sillylittleme
Member

Projection. It is all they have when it comes down to it.

KillgoreTrout
Member

KillgoreTrout
Member

[img]http://media.fyre.co/xZzhGKXWS6LqwxGe9Jbc_Chucky-chucky-the-killer-doll-25650771-420-294.png[/img]

Carry on Mr. Norris!

S-Man
Member
S-Man

TX is an example of the consequences from drinking Koch-tainted water.

KillgoreTrout
Member

I really think Obama Derangement Syndrome is a legitimate psychiatric illness and should be included in the next DSM. Of course by then, it will have mutated into Hillary Derangement Syndrome, but with much the same symptoms of paranoia, delusion and hallucinations.

S-Man
Member
S-Man

No, the Hillary Derangement Syndrome is a mutation of BENGHAZI!
🙂