Humor

In the cases where "Tea Party Republican" softball parents get what they want but their daughter's lack of skills lead to losses, they console their daughters that they did everything right and someone else is to blame (Obama?).

In a remarkable turn of non-events, the major cable news stations all declared that there really isn't any news today so they have nothing meaningful to offer to the public until tomorrow.

TABLE OF CONTENTS Welcome from the Speaker Dress Code Lodging and Meals Committee Assignments Franking Fact-Finding Missions Personal Appearances Legislation Welcome from the Speaker As Speaker of the 2018 House and Grill, I would...

Throughout American history, Republicans have always stood for supporting the goals they speak up for...then attacking any Democrats who accomplish them!

ADLIB: If I said 2 plus 2 equals 4, isn't that the only correct answer? CRUZ: I can list the names of a number of Republican economists who would disagree with you.

Priebus ecplained, "We enlisted the best Republican minds to create a new language that would better respect and represent those in our party. When that failed, we asked the Koch Brothers to pay $10 million to Frank Luntz who quickly turned out the framework for this new language we've come to call, 'Benghazian'. "

Some possible team names that have been floated by Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy for their new racist basketball league include, "The Charleston Chattel", "The Houston Butlers" and "The Tennessee Involuntaries".

Cliven Bundy: "My favorite comedy? Don't know if this counts but I went to a movie last years thinkin' it was a comedy but I was the only one laughin'. Think it was called 'Twelve Years a Slave'."

"Reality poses a threat to Russia and its future so purely as a matter of self-defense, I have ordered Russian troops to move to the border of Reality and stand ready to use force to defend our country," Putin declared.

"Me know women get less pay for same job but speaking for all women as man, what feel worse to women is everyone knowing it. So me decree, on behalf of women, no one talk about it anymore." Problem solved!