Surprising most in the public, instead of expressing regret for his recently publicized racist comments, Clippers owner Donald Sterling announced that he will strike back at his critics by financing the startup of a new basketball league that will cater primarily to racists. The new league which he has initially named, “National Independent Basketball Backers Embracing Racists” (NIBBER) will feature players who sign lifetime employment agreements which bind them into servitude to their teams with only room and board for compensation.
Sterling has announced that he has recruited celebrity lawbreaker and racist rancher, Cliven Bundy as his right hand man, to head up the acquisition of players for the league and recruit racists to build their fan base.
Bundy expressed great optimism at the prospects of this new racist league, “I noticed that when I’m driving by the homes of unemployed black basketball players, they’re just spending their days getting abortions for their daughters and putting their boys in prison, probably dreaming of how much better it was in the old days when they could have been making three point shots into their burlap sacks with the cotton they picked.”
As to the fan base, Bundy says that for the militia types and right wing Republicans to whom he is quite popular, basketball and slavery is a real “twofer”.
While the concept of exploiting black men to get them to play basketball without getting paid may offend many Americans, the NCAA expressed bewilderment by the protests against it.
Sterling explained that the league will be primarily based in The South and that to protect the integrity of the fans attending, all those coming to games will have to provide an ID. He also described a new high tech scanning device that all fans will have to go through when entering the building that will make sure that they are carrying guns into the arena, have minimal brain activity and pass a skin color spectrograph that can discern between a white man with a red neck and non-whites.
Some possible team names that have been floated by Sterling and Bundy include, “The Charleston Chattel”, “The Houston Butlers” and “The Tennessee Involuntaries”.
Sterling, whose ownership of the Clippers may be jeopardized by his racism, says he is stunned by how the public has turned on him but insists that he will prevail. “I may be in the minority when it comes to issues about race but the minority shouldn’t be oppressed and treated like they are beneath anyone else. With that in mind, I am committing myself to establishing this racism-based basketball league so that all of those who are in the minority with me can be judged not by the content of their character but by the color of their skin.”