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AdLib On April - 21 - 2014

Putin crosseyed

Despite Russian President Vladimir Putin’s claims denying it, photographic proof was revealed today that confirmed that Russian military and intelligence men have been masquerading as Ukrainians while leading rebellion in eastern Ukraine. This has prompted an angry response from Putin who is now massing troops on the border of Reality and threatening to annex it.

“Reality poses a threat to Russia and its future so purely as a matter of self-defense, I have ordered Russian troops to move  to the border of Reality and stand ready to use force to defend our country,” Putin declared. “I don’t understand why anyone would live there, you would never find me living in Reality!”

Putin launched into a history of Russia’s conflicts with Reality and noted that they have multiplied since he originally took office, blaming Reality for trying to undermine his Presidency inside Russia and around the world. “When I hosted the Olympics, Reality attempted an invasion using our official policy of homophobia as cover! Reality was behind the overthrow of Ukraine President Viktor Yanukovych which Russia regards as a hostile action towards Russia so we have no reservations about preparing to invade Reality,” Putin explained.

Putin went on to say that he has always regarded Reality as an adversary to his Presidency and has always done his best to avoid any confrontation with it. “Suffice it to say that I would never allow Reality to gain a foothold anywhere near our booming economy, our respect for the rights of each and every Russian and our reverence for democracy! It should be self-apparent from everything I say and do, from my efforts to only protect Russians living in Ukraine to my denials of involvement with internal conflicts in Ukraine, that I stand in complete opposition to Reality and will not tolerate any outside influence by it in my Presidency or country.”

Putin wrapped his comments by commenting on how handsome he looks when shirtless and how respected and trusted he is in the world community.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

20 Responses so far.

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  1. NoManIsAnIsland says:

    AdLib, your brilliant satire of Putin the Puny would be
    more hilarious were it not true!

    But one has to deal with that when satirizing a
    megalomaniac who’s already a caricature of himself. 😉

  2. pinkpantheroz says:

    Reminds me of the BBC’s reporting in WWII: ” German planes bombed at random last evening. There are no reports of major damage”

    Lord Haw Haw then came on German Radio to announce that: ‘Random has been completely devastated!”

  3. kesmarn says:

    AdLib, the picture of Putin is — well, beyond words. “Perfect” just doesn’t quite do it.

    I could only think of his soul mate across the Bering Straits:


    The perfect couple.

    Mom always used to say: “Show me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you what you are.”

    So here are a few words from Pooty-poots BFFs:

    Lindsay Graham: “Every time the president goes on national television and threatens Putin or anyone like Putin, everyone’s eyes roll, including mine.”

    Donald Trump: “He’s [the President’s] not a respected man and the thing that I have the most concern about is that he’s being so lambasted for not being respected and for being a joke that he’ll do something really stupid to show that he’s all man.”

    Sarah Palin: “People are looking at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates.”

    Now — with people of this caliber vouching for Putin’s sanity (and hence the Prez’s incompetence), how could anyone doubt it?

    • AdLib says:

      Kes, now that is a marriage made in Loony Tunes heaven…er…hell.

      Excellent point about sussing out someone based on who their friends are. Putin’s friends also include the mass murderer Assad in Syria and Stalin’s ghost. So there’s that.

      Hope all these Republicans will be remembered for suckling on Putin’s manboobs. There really is no depth too low for RWs to stoop to in order to express their hatred of a black President. Just hope the history books do a good job of representing this racial hatred that accompanied the remarkable presidency of our first AA President who has accomplished so much…and still has nearly 3 years left to accomplish even more.

    • Kalima says:

      I guess she was having a problem “seeing” Russia from her porch that day. 😆

      She looks like the wicked witch from “Hansel und Gretel”.

      • kesmarn says:

        Doesn’t she though, Kalima? When you think of the way she and Dubya have fawned all over Pooty-poot (as Dubya used to refer to him), it’s a reminder that winning the approval of people like them is a sure indicator that someone has gone completely off the rails.

        They are the litmus test for loonies.

        • Kalima says:

          You can tell a lot about a person by their friends. Hasn’t she championed a bunch of losers just like herself?

          Who in their right mind would allow themselves to be photographed looking mean and demented?

          I never thought she was much to look at in the first place. She looked exactly like what she is, a cheap knockoff.

  4. Kalima says:

    Well I suppose that answers my question, AdLib. According to Putin, there is no build up of Russian troops on the border, even though the world has seen them on satellite images, we are all delusional. That must be a part of Putin’s war on “reality”, right?

    In the graphic you used, he looks absolutely certifiable. Mad as a hatter.

    Thanks for clearing that up. Now I can sleep peacefully again.

    Where’s my Prozac???

    • AdLib says:

      My pleasure, Kalima! Exactly, Putin’s War on Reality includes his invasion of Ukraine and denying he’s done so.

      That was the sanest photo of Putin I could find…where he was wearing a shirt.

      • Kalima says:

        Well I suppose I should dash out to my international supermarket before I find everything written in Russian, and Putin swinging shirtless from a tree branch in Meiji Jingue Park.

        I’ve read he has his sight set on Moldova next.

        Oh and about the anti-gay law, it’s a total misconception. He has friends who are gay and there are probably more than a few in the Kremlin. Gay bashing was going to be an event in the Winter Olympics, but a few people thought it was going a bit too far when the actual bashing turned into a beating. The gays didn’t mind, it was just a bit of fun to fill out their cold winter, and they practiced in their streets beating and sometimes killing them.

        Well done on the photo, I know what you mean. Haven’t seen a sane photo of him since he started to build his palaces and contorted his face with Botox. When he tries to smile, his manboobs reach all the way up to his collar bones.

        He reminds me of this guy who makes up things as he goes along.

        Trololo Sing Along!

        Off I go then. Better rush.

        • AdLib says:

          So many LOLs in your comment, including the Trololo Guy (someone really thought that needed subtitles???)!

          Gay bashing was indeed an Olympic sport in Russia. So was the Ski Jump Over International Law and Speed Skating Around The Truth.

          Personally, I find manboobs like Putin’s, that are a C cup or larger, not so masculine but then I’m old school..

          Consider though, often topless, riding horses, manboobs, Botox injections…and he’s aggressive about attacking people who are gay? Sounds a little curious, doesn’t it?

          • pinkpantheroz says:

            Gaydar alert!

          • Kalima says:

            “Ski Jump Over International Law and Speed Skating Around The Truth” 😆 that woke me up.

            Well you only have to look at your photo of him to answer your last question. Seriously? He’s wearing pancake make-up number 666 in a shade of “Mellow Orange” for goodness sake. Did Boehner send him a sample set?

            People who are over the top against something or other, are usually guilty of what they are ranting about. Just look at the Teapubs as a prime example. Say no more.

        • escribacat says:

          I forgot about that guy! How could I?

        • kesmarn says:

          Hahaha! Kalima, I really think the Trololol song should be the unofficial Planetary theme song. It’s been with us for quite a few years now, through thick and thin. And when crazy characters like Dubya or Putin have stressed us out, it’s always been good for a laugh. I still can’t watch it all the way through without cracking up! 😆

          • AdLib says:

            It’s got my vote! How can you not chuckle at it, especially after not seeing it for a while?

          • Kalima says:

            Hello kes. I agree we should totally adopt it as our Planet anthem, it’s just so easy to sing along with, and after three years, we laugh out loud every time we hear it.

            Btw, everything was still written in Kanji and tiny English on the shelves so we are still ok. 😯

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