Bizarro Superman GOP

PlanetPOV was invited to host an interview with Bizarro Superman on his home planet of Bizarro World. What appears to be the motivation behind this is the filing of a lawsuit by him and his planet against the GOP and many specific Republican politicians and pundits, claiming that they have been plagiarizing his speeches and policies, as leader of his Planet.

Following is a transcript of that interview which was broadcast on their planet last night:

PPOV:  Hello, Bizarro Superman, a pleasure to meet you.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Goodbye. Me am nauseous at meeting you.

PPOV: Those who aren’t familiar with you and your planet should understand that you often say and do the opposite of what we on Earth would do or say in the same situation. Isn’t that correct?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No.

PPOV: Bizarro Superman, you have filed a plagiarism lawsuit against America’s Republican Party, why is that?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me quite sad you ask that. It all start when me get satellite call from Karl Rove and Koch Brothers. They find out that me am leader of planet and me am Republican.

PPOV: Really? You’re Republican?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Of course! Everyone on Planet backward thinking like me. All am Republicans!

PPOV: Wow, so you only have one party on your Planet, just Republicans? So when you ran to be leader…

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me ran unopposed as Republican but somehow me still lose. Maybe me shouldn’t say me starve everyone and kick them out of homes but that am Republican platform here.

PPOV: Our planets are amazingly alike. So if you lost, how did you become leader?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: We Republicans! Biggest losers get to be leaders!

PPOV: What did Karl Rove and the Koch Brothers want to talk to you about?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN:  They hear about speeches me give that make people follow me so they ask to watch me and come with me to rallies. Me introduce them as enemies of all of us and them given very warm welcome.

PPOV: I guess Republicans are the same all over.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: First day they come, me give speech on fair pay for women. Me explain that everyone want fair pay for women but asking for it is not fair. Me say, “Me know women get less pay for same job but speaking for all women as man, what feel worse to women is everyone knowing it. So me decree, on behalf of women, no one talk about it anymore.” Problem solved!

PPOV: Fascinating, that is the same meme we hear today from America’s Republicans.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: That am why I sue! There am more! Me promise to stop poverty so me give lots of money to wealthy and me cut food, money and school for poor. Me make speech, “Only reason there am poor people am because they get help they need when they am poor. Once me stop them from getting money, food and place to live, then they stop having symptom of being poor which am getting help from government so that make them no longer poor.  Now they am not poor so they not need help.

PPOV: Have you had to deal with issues regarding the right to vote?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Never. Like last week, me sign law to stop all people who not vote for me from voting because me want to stop octopuses from voting.

PPOV: Octopi?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No, me am cutting down on desserts.

PPOV: Has that actually been a problem? Octopi voting?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: They am so sneaky, we never catch them even one time! That make it necessary to stop all citizens that not vote for me from voting so we can protect their right to vote from being corrupted by sneaky octopuses.

PPOV: We’ve recently had a Supreme Court ruling that furthered previous rulings, saying that corporations are people, money is speech and wealthy people donating millions to politicians doesn’t buy them influence.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Hah! That sound like Bizarro Constitution! Bizarro World founded on belief that all Bizarros are created unequal. Them who have lots of money am equal but them who don’t aren’t. In Bizarro World, money am people and money have right to vote. Citizens who not have money am not people and only have right to buy guns. That remind me, me sign “Stand On Ground” bill too, which give right to people to shoot anyone if they stand on the ground. This am what make me smile so much, Karl Rove and Koch Brothers steal my words and laws to use on Earth and me not get credit or lots of people.

PPOV: You mean money?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Same thing.

PPOV: Well, I wish you good luck with your pursuits. We want to thank you, the people of Bizarro World and this station, the Bizarro News Network for this opportunity to interview you.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Bizarro News Network am best too. They not cover most news, just show same two or three stories and make up lots of things about them and play with computers and toys for audience which am like little kids. Me guess BNN very different from news stations on Earth.

PPOV: Just by one letter. Once again, thank you so much. We hope we can do this again.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: You am not welcome. Hello.

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Assumed NamepinkpantherozKillgoreTroutKalimakesmarn Recent comment authors
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There was a nice discussion about this on The Diane Rhem (sp?) show. A real problem is the cultural distaste for speaking frankly about salaries–and even worse if you complain (gripe) about your salary (after all, of a piece with the Protestant work ethic is that the poor must be so as a result of inferior effort). What people often fail to consider is that employer reporting of salaries mapped onto both demographics and credentials doesn’t entail disclosing any one individual’s earnings (unless that individual is the CEO or some such). From the point of view of fundamental fairness, this really should be a no brainer.

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pinkpantheroz
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The late, great, Professor Stanley Unwin is Bizarro’s uncle, and explains the whole concept of his planet in the following:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85jRiZ6xNAU

and then gives the interviewer the fingermole.

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Amazing how he remembers all that! Pretty funny.

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Kalima
Admin

Bizarro Superman looks like a cross between Mitt The Twit, Teddy Cruzing and Michele Bachmann. It a wonder that he’s got any planet left to rule.

Very funny AdLib. 🙂

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kesmarn
Admin

Goodbye! Me just watch BOX Bizarro News (“Fairly Unbalanced.” “We Report Lies. You Decide That You Believe Them.”)

They report story of Appalling Ryan’s words. He say Medicaid make people sicker. Proof? He say: “People on Medicaid see doctor much more often than people who have no health insurance at all.” Conclusion: Take away Medicaid. People get healthy!

Could be people on Medicaid go to see doctor more because they no longer fear bankruptcy if they get care?

NOOOO! (Me mean “Yes!’) That am Socialist.

BOX News tell me Medicaid must make people sick, so me believe! BOX not lie.

Me learning to think from watching BOX. New idea: We give money to rich people, they trickle on us? What you think?

Oh. In case you think me make up Appalling Ryan words, here they am:

http://www.salon.com/2014/03/05/paul_ryans_every_distortion_fact_checking_his_anti_poverty_plan/

On pay for lady persons. BOX say lady persons feel “patronized” by Socialist President noting that they make less money than men persons. Me talk to lady person on earth Planet name of “kes” about this.

She say: “Please patronize me.”

That am all.

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Kalima
Admin

Dumber or more nonsensical words have never left his mean, ugly, alien mouth. He is such an idiot. Him am Bizarro Dumb. My face just reacted as if I had eaten a raw lemon. 😯

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kesmarn
Admin

Unbelievable, isn’t it, Kalima? Ryan actually felt that the proper conclusion to draw from the fact that uninsured people don’t go to see the doctor, while people on Medicaid do, was that Medicaid was making them ill.

That truly is Bizarro World.

And even little children in the U.S. know that day care workers (usually female) make much less than electricians (usually male). Neither job requires a college degree. And one would think that society would see the real value of either career. How can the GOP not view that as a gender-related pay inequity?

But then that’s asking a reasonable question about unreasonable people, isn’t it? 🙁

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KillgoreTrout
Member

kes, electricians belong to a very powerful union, AND, there are lady electricians. Not as many as men, but they do exist.

Maybe day care workers should form a union! 😉

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kesmarn
Admin

I agree, KT! They really should. Nursing assistants too!

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Kalima
Admin

To speak those words out loud and then not realise how incredibly stupid they sound, is a mental condition or a LOI, (lack of intelligence). Then again, Repubs can’t do the maths.

They should be asked publicly what makes a male electrician more worthy than a female day care worker who looks after the nation’s children? I would love to hear their explanation and then bang my head on a wall for hours.

It’s like the sheer madness of Monty Python without the humour.

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Nirek
Member

Very Bizarro! I had no idea the GOP came from outer space. I just thought they had a lot of empty space in their heads.

Very funny, Ad.

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