PlanetPOV was invited to host an interview with Bizarro Superman on his home planet of Bizarro World. What appears to be the motivation behind this is the filing of a lawsuit by him and his planet against the GOP and many specific Republican politicians and pundits, claiming that they have been plagiarizing his speeches and policies, as leader of his Planet.
Following is a transcript of that interview which was broadcast on their planet last night:
PPOV: Hello, Bizarro Superman, a pleasure to meet you.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Goodbye. Me am nauseous at meeting you.
PPOV: Those who aren’t familiar with you and your planet should understand that you often say and do the opposite of what we on Earth would do or say in the same situation. Isn’t that correct?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No.
PPOV: Bizarro Superman, you have filed a plagiarism lawsuit against America’s Republican Party, why is that?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me quite sad you ask that. It all start when me get satellite call from Karl Rove and Koch Brothers. They find out that me am leader of planet and me am Republican.
PPOV: Really? You’re Republican?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Of course! Everyone on Planet backward thinking like me. All am Republicans!
PPOV: Wow, so you only have one party on your Planet, just Republicans? So when you ran to be leader…
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me ran unopposed as Republican but somehow me still lose. Maybe me shouldn’t say me starve everyone and kick them out of homes but that am Republican platform here.
PPOV: Our planets are amazingly alike. So if you lost, how did you become leader?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: We Republicans! Biggest losers get to be leaders!
PPOV: What did Karl Rove and the Koch Brothers want to talk to you about?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: They hear about speeches me give that make people follow me so they ask to watch me and come with me to rallies. Me introduce them as enemies of all of us and them given very warm welcome.
PPOV: I guess Republicans are the same all over.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: First day they come, me give speech on fair pay for women. Me explain that everyone want fair pay for women but asking for it is not fair. Me say, “Me know women get less pay for same job but speaking for all women as man, what feel worse to women is everyone knowing it. So me decree, on behalf of women, no one talk about it anymore.” Problem solved!
PPOV: Fascinating, that is the same meme we hear today from America’s Republicans.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: That am why I sue! There am more! Me promise to stop poverty so me give lots of money to wealthy and me cut food, money and school for poor. Me make speech, “Only reason there am poor people am because they get help they need when they am poor. Once me stop them from getting money, food and place to live, then they stop having symptom of being poor which am getting help from government so that make them no longer poor. Now they am not poor so they not need help.
PPOV: Have you had to deal with issues regarding the right to vote?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Never. Like last week, me sign law to stop all people who not vote for me from voting because me want to stop octopuses from voting.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No, me am cutting down on desserts.
PPOV: Has that actually been a problem? Octopi voting?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: They am so sneaky, we never catch them even one time! That make it necessary to stop all citizens that not vote for me from voting so we can protect their right to vote from being corrupted by sneaky octopuses.
PPOV: We’ve recently had a Supreme Court ruling that furthered previous rulings, saying that corporations are people, money is speech and wealthy people donating millions to politicians doesn’t buy them influence.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Hah! That sound like Bizarro Constitution! Bizarro World founded on belief that all Bizarros are created unequal. Them who have lots of money am equal but them who don’t aren’t. In Bizarro World, money am people and money have right to vote. Citizens who not have money am not people and only have right to buy guns. That remind me, me sign “Stand On Ground” bill too, which give right to people to shoot anyone if they stand on the ground. This am what make me smile so much, Karl Rove and Koch Brothers steal my words and laws to use on Earth and me not get credit or lots of people.
PPOV: You mean money?
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Same thing.
PPOV: Well, I wish you good luck with your pursuits. We want to thank you, the people of Bizarro World and this station, the Bizarro News Network for this opportunity to interview you.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Bizarro News Network am best too. They not cover most news, just show same two or three stories and make up lots of things about them and play with computers and toys for audience which am like little kids. Me guess BNN very different from news stations on Earth.
PPOV: Just by one letter. Once again, thank you so much. We hope we can do this again.
BIZARRO SUPERMAN: You am not welcome. Hello.