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AdLib On June - 10 - 2011

Today’s the day that thousands of emails Sarah Palin sent while governor of Alaska have been released.

In an attempt to hide her statements and actions from the citizens of her state and the public in general, she used a private Yahoo email account to conduct official state business.

Though today’s release of over 24,000 emails could result in some fascinating revelations, PlanetPOV has exclusively obtained a small but remarkable collection of them, presented below for your review:

Subject: Shorter School Week
From: Sarah Palin <[email protected]>
Date: Fri, 10 Jun 2007 15:39:42 +0000
To: Cynthia Curran – Alaska Dept. of Education <[email protected]>

Hiya Cynthia,

I’d like to tighten up our budget a bit and was thinkin that if we could shorten the school week a scooch, we could save a boodle on edjudation.

So I’m wonderin, whatcha think if we passed a bill saying that in Alaska, there are only six days in a week? If that sounds good, which day should we cut out? I was thinking Monday cause everyone hates Mondays. Let me know, I’m tryin to plan a family vacation and I’m gonna need to know how many days I’ll be gone.

Sincerely,

Sarah

p.s. We could cut back on History classes, I never needed them that much when I was in schools.

Subject: Stump Speech
From: Sarah Palin <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:31:24 +0000
To: John McCain <[email protected]>

Hey there John,

Just wanted to give ya a head’s up. The “pallin around with terrorists” bit is pure gold, folks are just eatin it up! Thank Karl and the Grand Dragon for me.

I’ve been hammerin “Hussein” too but I’m confused about saying Obama was born and raised in Canyon. You mean the Grand Canyon?

Also, excited about going on Katie Couric this week! Gonna show up that liberal know nothing. So fun to see my name in the one publication I read, TV Guide!

All the best,

Sarah

Subject: Corrections Needed
From: Sarah Palin <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, 04 Nov 2007 10:13:31 +0000
To: Encyclopedia Britannica <[email protected]>

Dear Editors,

I’m writin ya to let ya know that ya got some mistakes at your site. My daughter Bristol was online lookin for the meanin of baby names for when she gets married and has sex for the first time and she found your site.

Now I don’t know how long you’ve been in business but if ya want to make it, ya can’t have all kindsa wrong things in a site that’s supposed ta tell ya the way things really happened.

First, ya got the years all wrong on when dinosaurs were around. If they only lived millions of years ago, how did Jesus ride one?

Next, even my youngest knows that the sun comes up and goes down, haven’t you ever seen a sunrise or sunset? Ya gotta fix that part about the Earth going around the Sun (dontcha feel embarassed?).

There are so many misteaks, I could go on and on but the last big one I want to mention is about the American Revelation. The truth is that it all started with the Tea Party that wanted to carry their guns in church and pay less taxes on their capital gains but the British told them they couldn’t. So the people rose up and held a Tea Party where they wore teabags on their hats and clothes and protested and told the British, “We don’t want your socialized health care or your misrepresentation without taxation so, yeah, we’re gonna protest and wear teabags instead of makin tea with them because drinking tea is what elitist communists like you do but we’re free Americans exercising our First Amendment rights so there’s nothing you can do.”

If you care about tellin people the truth, ya might wanna correct that.

In Sincerely,

Sarah Palin
Governor of Alaska (really!)

Subject: Great Advice!
From: Sarah Palin <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2009 15:39:42 +0000
To: Satan <[email protected]>

Hey Satan,

Just wanted to drop ya a line that everything’s goin great! How’s my soul doin? Ya know, I don’t even miss it a smidge, can’t tell any difference! Isn’t that just weird?

Just as ya said, folks just keep buyin into The Victim Act, thanks for the suggestion! So funny, I was just on Fox News and said how the English Language was attackin me and good ol’ Sean agreed! You should see my Facebook Page, all on their own, my followers have started a boycott against English and spellin. Can’t wait to see their signs in our upcoming protests against healthcare reform!

Hope you’re not worryin about our deal. Just cause we didn’t win the presidency (and yes, as we talked about, if we won I would’ve kept my promise and “accidentally” pushed John off of Mount Rushmore this year) doesn’t mean I’m not gonna do my part to bring Armegeddon around.

I think over the next year I’m gonna focus on pushin for more deep sea oil drillin and nuclear power. I’ll hammer Obama on not catching Bin Laden and not havin a birth certificate. Then when we take over Congress, Americans will fall right in line behind privatizing Medicare.

In 2012, when I win the presidency, people will think I’m the greatest president since Ben Franklin! Just as we agreed, I’ll launch wars against Iran, Pakistan, Russia and Alderaan (Princess Leia has gotten fat anyway, have you seen her lately?).

This is when you said you’ll send The Four Norsemen of the Apocalypse (hope they’re cute!) and Jesus can finally come back and take us good Christians up to heaven (Finally! There are so many people here on Earth to hate, it’ll be such a relief to get away from them!).

Let me know how you’re doin and if ya still want me to send you that fruitcake.

Yours Truly,

Sarah

We hope to have more secret emails for you soon, stay tuned!

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

85 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. Buddy McCue says:

    A Palin/Bachmann ticket is what we need!


    This music video is some very drawn out sarcasm and may go on a bit long, but it is well-produced.

    • AdLib says:

      Wow! This was brilliant and very well done! Thanks for sharing it, I really enjoyed it and was quite impressed.

      It is a bit longer than it probably should be but they had so much great material, it was probably hard for them to find something to cut.

    • jkkFL says:

      Palin is the thinking man’s Bachmann?
      Bachmann is the female Ann Coulter!!
      That certainly spells it out!!!
      Funny, but scary!
      This country is so screwed up- they Might get elected.. horrors..

  2. Abbyrose86 says:

    Adlib…A for effort, BUT I have some constructive criticism for you….sorry to say, but your sentences were actually understandable. While you did a fantastic job with getting the ‘gist’ of her idiocy…your sentence structure was almost literate.

    I know you tried REALLY hard..and you did a heck of a job…truly…very funny stuff…but it still sounded (in my head anyway) WAY above what Sarah is capable of drafting.

    Good job trying though..it must be very difficult to dumb it down to that level!!!! :)

    • AdLib says:

      Abby, I subscribe to Method Blogging, where the blogger “becomes” the subject they’re blogging about.

      So, after providing myself with a series of concussions, painkillers, hyperventilating, spinning till I was dizzy then hacking away all the “g”s in “ing” verbs, I felt I was ready to “be” Palin for that brief period while all of the above was in effect.

      What I forgot was the lobotomy, I could kick myself!!!

      • Abbyrose86 says:

        LOL! Yes Ad lib, in order to REALLY emulate Sarah, one would need the lobotomy!!! :)

        I give you much credit for attempting this….you really had to dumb it down. It must have been very hard for you…as you are WAY WAY to intelligent to bring it down to her level.

        Good job though! :)

    • Buddy McCue says:

      Abby -- You make a good point, but if Adlib truly recreated the word soup that Palin spouts, then this article wouldn’t be very readable.

    • jkkFL says:

      LOL! Ditto Abbyrose!

  3. whatsthatsound says:

    Good stuff! I can just see it if she becomes president. A “War on Syntax”.

  4. escribacat says:

    Bravo Adlib. This has got to be one of your best! I love that “shorten the week a scooch!” 😆 😆

  5. Gransview says:

    Hilarious!

  6. funksands says:

    I like Ezra Klein’s take on the emails:

    ezraklein Ezra Klein
    You wouldn’t believe all the important facts about American politics that I’ve learned while not reading Palin’s emails

  7. funksands says:

    AdL: Great stuff, I think you have a future career as Moosealini’s twitter and facebook ghost-writer! :-)

    [img][/img]

  8. funksands says:

    Reporter: But Governor Palin, are you ready to be President and leader of the free world?

    Palin: “Totally. I will totally lead the world. Any world. I will lead Mars or whatever too if those guys need a world president. Or just a Mars president. I took on the ole’ boys club in Alaska and I can take it on in Mars.”

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x387823

  9. lynettema says:

    I could tell right off SP didn’t really write these emails %<) -- too much truthiness. I plan to let those that have time to be bored out of their minds read the 24,000. I don't want to waste that much time on her. I get angry at myself when I even comment on an article about her. But it seems I just can't help myself. See, here I am.

  10. ADONAI says:

    Good stuff AdLib. These e-mails are far more interesting than the ones I’ve been reading about all day.

    • KQuark says:

      2X on that sentiment. I’ll wait until everyone reads them and they find something more juicy. So far they sound like standard politico emails to me. You can always tell when there is not much in there when some one has to explain why they are “bad”.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks AD. Yep, haven’t heard of anything earth shattering yet and as hard as the state fought to keep them private, I have a sneaking suspicion that anything problematic might not be in this batch.

  11. kesmarn says:

    Does it scare you (or the Missus) just a tiny bit that you are able to channel her so perfectly, AdLib?

    I mean, this is almost eerie. You’ve totally captured her essence!

    Thanks for a great and much-needed laugh.

  12. bito says:

    Great AdLib, I sent it to a few PlanetPOV twitter friends and a couple of ractions.

    8s Patricia Scott
    @PlanetPOV ;^D That laff was a good start on my afternoon!!

    ~~~

    jodotcom Jodi
    RT @PlanetPOV: EXCLUSIVE: The Secret Palin Emails! http://j.mp/lQQOv8 // LOL I think yours are going to be MUCH better than Sarah’s!

  13. Jenuwin says:

    Pretty darn hilarious!


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