Justice

"David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, wish I could do that! 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free?' That giant metal immigrant, you know she's from France, needs to be deported along with 11 million Mexicans!"

"I believe in the sanctity of life and in order to protect it, I think we need to be willing to require the deaths of anyone, especially women, who threaten it," Rubio stated.

This past Friday, the United States outdid itself. Reactions varied as Justice Kennedy delivered the finishing touches to the end of civilization.

Scalia explained, “History now poses a threat to the white male conservative Christian’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. That being the case, this court has no other choice but to order history to cease and desist.

"The first thing we need to do is change the public's perception of this and take away the unfair stigma," GOP adviser Frank Luntz explained. "We want to come up with a more positive term for 'molestation', that word just exudes negativity. We're spitballing a few ideas now as replacements. There's 'Mistaken Feelings', 'Confused Hands' and 'Oops Baby Baby'."

Should Dzhokhar Tsarnaev be put to death for his monstrous crimes or spend the rest of his miserable days confined in a small cell?

I had the misfortune of watching Faux News yesterday in order to ascertain how the conservatives plan to defend the indefensible: The Killing of Freddie Gray. Many vicious, hateful accusations and talking points were spewed to justify the use of excessive force by police to "subdue" African-American males.

Instead of letting the GOP get away with trying to create an anti-identity based solely on what they oppose and want to repeal, it's a good time to recognize who they really are as a party and what they truly stand for.

"No matter which religion you belong to, as long as you study and follow the teachings of the Bible, you can be Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, any religion at all, all Arkansans are eligible for this tax credit," Davis stated.

Sure, people get away with lots of terrible things until they don't. And Mike Pence found that out to his utter shock. "Really? Americans don't like it when you make it legal to be bigoted as long as you hide behind 'religious beliefs'? Who woulda thunk that?"