duggar-jeb-bush

In light of the molestation allegations against Dennis Hastert and the admission by prominent Religious Right Republicans, The Duggar family, of molestations committed by Josh Duggar, the Republican Party has decided to deal with these and future incidents by Republicans that will inevitably occur, by using a bit of political judo. Instead of defending those in their party that prey on children, they have enlisted marketing and propaganda veteran Frank Luntz to help them re-brand child molestation from being an ugly crime to something that’s just a bad choice, a mistake or the fault of little girls who lure Republicans into abusing them by going to sleep.

This effort will be followed up with the GOP inserting a plank into their platform (which is fine among consenting platforms) that calls for the de-criminalization of such acts.

“The first thing we need to do is change the public’s perception of this and take away the unfair stigma,” Luntz explained. “We want to come up with a more positive term for ‘molestation’, that word just exudes negativity. We’re spitballing a few ideas now as replacements. There’s ‘Mistaken Feelings’, ‘Confused Hands’ and ‘Oops Baby Baby’.”

Luntz proceeded to detail the broader campaign he is building. “We want to do a Caitlyn Jenner type of thing to normalize ‘Mistaken Feelings’, where we have someone like Denny Hastert on the cover of Vanity Fair, coming out and telling the world that he’s proud of who he is no matter who hates him for being him. We’re going to produce a series of commercials that show ‘Mistaken Feelings’ is not so unusual and something that’s been with us throughout history and a part of many of our greatest religions. We’ve also been putting together a list of theme songs for this campaign including, ‘Feelings’, ‘More Than a Feeling’, ‘Hooked On a Feeling’, ‘Invisible Touch’, and a few other contenders.”

When asked why Republicans believe that sexually molesting children, when done by Republicans like Josh Duggar and allegedly by Dennis Hastert, should be understood by the public, Lutz replied, “Americans have to remember that Republicans are the ones with family values, we believe in the family, we stand behind our families…maybe too close sometimes but that’s because we love them. To someone who can’t put themselves in his shoes, Josh Duggar may look like someone who was a sexually mature teenager preying on five year old girls but come on, should we condemn the very human trait of curiosity and ignore that those five year olds were sleeping in sexually suggestive positions? As to Dennis Hastert, my understanding is that he was going over and above as a wrestling coach to train young men how to get out of even the most uncomfortable of holds.”

A first draft of the text that will appear in the pro-molestation plank of the 2016 GOP platform was provided to PlanetPOV and reads as follows:

“Our children are our future. Our future scientists, teachers and strippers. We should never let anything create a barrier between us and the next generation, especially the cute ones. Neither government nor statutory ages should dictate to us, as responsible and religious white people with moral values, who we can or can’t fondle. Therefore, as they have been and continue to be  used to unfairly attack Republicans, we wholeheartedly support the repeal of all laws that criminalize the touching of children. Especially since they’re asking for it anyway.”

We are waiting to hear from the 2016 Republican candidates to go on record in support or opposition of this provision. So far, all candidates have responded that they will get back with us soon but they are currently spending time with their families.

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jjgravitas
Member
jjgravitas

Child molesters murderers and thieves are perfectly OK with the GOP, they endorse it all. But homos, blacks, Latinos and women should shut up and stay in the back room while the puffed-up idiots perform for the mics and cameras. The Log Cabin Republicans have been silent through all of this; I’d like to know their opinions on this.

goleafsgo
Member
goleafsgo

Hi, AdLib!
Is this one of your satirical posts?
Is this for real? I am flummoxed and in disbelief that this is really what the Republicans are doing! Wow! just …Wow! What a bunch of sick puppies.

LightningJoe
Member
LightningJoe

What’s hilarious about this is that if a (gasp!) Liberal were to propose such rebranding of a crime for the benefit of the criminal, the GOP and FUX Noise would be all over it gasping at the sheer affrontery of the proposal.

But of course Liberals never would propose such a thing. What’s a mystery, is why any Republican would either… Or maybe it’s NOT a mystery; but then one has to assume that they WANT to be able to get away with such things…

Frank “That Word Just Exudes Negativity” Luntz is the perfect man for this job, though… couldn’t think of a better.

“maybe too close sometimes but that’s because we love them”

A rebranding worthy of the New Coke Award… that is, a swift kick in the backside…

Nirek
Member

Ad, out of pure disgust, I have avoided this issue as much as possible. Hastart seems to have made it past the statute of limitations ( I don’t think there should be) I’m not sure if Duggar has. Either way they are both creeps.

I find it hard to believe the republican party has “family values” the way they have embraced Duggar. As I said disgusting!

pinkpantheroz
Member

A Masterpiece, Ad! Everyone has said what I’ve thought, but so much better, Congrats and send it out to the World!

kesmarn
Admin

A terrific piece, AdLib. Sometimes dark humor is the only way to deal effectively with dark attitudes and actions. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are right there with you!

I watched a part of the FOX interview with Ma and Pa Duggar and it was genuinely surreal. Jim Bob actually said that Josh allegedly came to him and Michelle THREE TIMES and admitted — tearfully — to this behavior. What kind of parents don’t protect their daughters and allow this to happen over and over before even beginning to take action?? What difference do Josh’s tears make when it’s obvious that he has no intention of changing his behavior? A little dark humor flickered through my own mind when I heard that — as in — the fact that the Little Duggar had fine-tuned his act down to a regular routine: molest, confess, boo-hoo-hoo, molest, confess, boo-hoo-hoo, etc., etc. ad infinitum and ad nauseam.

And — speaking of nausea — don’t you have to have the emesis basin handy when you watch those episodes that led up to Josh’s wedding? The ones where he carefully refrained from even holding hands with his bride-to-be until they were officially engaged? And then the first kiss was reserved for their wedding day. GAG!! How could his parents and siblings sit there with those simpering expressions on their faces when they knew full well what had gone on in that household?

The damage done to these kids is going to take many years to repair. Some of them are so repressed that they’re STILL denying that they were victimized by him. Instead, they do as they’ve been taught. They blame the evil “outside world” for noticing their hypocrisy and lifting up the rug where everything had been swept under. (I absolutely refuse to believe that these girls “slept through” everything he did to them as they’re claiming either. Not unless he put 15 Ambien tablets in their Ovaltine at bedtime. Which — somehow — wouldn’t surprise me.)

Virtually every family has its share of problems and oddball members, so I don’t want to come across as feeling vastly superior to the Duggars and their fellow fundies. But the difference is in how these things are handled. (Which was not well in the Duggars’ case.) And the great majority of us mere mortals wouldn’t have the almighty brass to put ourselves out there on national television as role-models every week after something like this.

The cynical side of me sees all this scrambling that they’re doing now — all this granting of access and interview time to FOX — as a last-ditch desperate attempt to save their financial empire. They’ve gotten so used to NOT having to work for a living that I think they’re petrified at the prospect of having to do what they tell everyone else to do — go out and get a real job.

But — hey — I hear Chik-Fil-A is hiring!! They’re just as intolerant of LGBT people as the Duggar clan.

Meanwhile — can you imagine what would have been the reaction if it had ever come to light that Barack Obama had done something like this in his teen years? How many passionate pleas for forgiveness would we have heard on FOX “News” then?

sillylittleme
Member

Kes, and there is always Hobby Lobby for the female members of the family. They too have some putrid intolerances.

kesmarn
Admin

Good point, SLM! And Plan C might be Abercrombie and Fitch. As long as the girls don’t wear the hijab, they might just fit right in around there too. (As long as they don’t gain any weight.)

sillylittleme
Member

Ad, what we all must realize is that Jesus died for their sins so they may as well sin at will…

Sick people. I wish we’d take mental health more seriously in this country.

Nirek
Member

SLM, I agree the faux “Christians” seem to think that since Jesus died for their sins, they can sin all they want. Just look at their lies about certain people and their actions. Your point is well taken.

Kalima
Admin

Right on the money, AdLib.

At 14, a normal child knows the difference between right and wrong. The worst thing after the actual molestation, is having parents who condone it, think that the molested child is lying, or choose to look the other way.

Parents are supposed to protect their children. All of their children. One sick rule for faux Christians, and another worldwide rule of right and wrong held by most of the rest of us.

The Duggar family is an abomination as are all those who are making excuses for them by using God as a shield.

Disgusting!

LightningJoe
Member
LightningJoe

Kalima, I’m not sure it’s fair to blame someone raised in this family, and in their Church, for violating “normality.” Especially if they were only 14 at the time.

I think it is only obvious, that Josh had a warped idea of sexual issues at the time.

Kalima
Admin

Hi, LightningJoe.

If you read my comment again, I’m actually blaming the parents and their lack of responsibility to their children. They failed every child involved, even the 14 year old boy.

Nirek
Member

Kalima, they lack integrity. Integrity noun
1.
adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

choicelady
Member

I think you have totally defined the GOP RW Dominionist mindset: we are ‘born again’ so can do anything we want because we TALK a good game. Actions? Well, back to that ‘saved’ thingy. Everyone else is evil, demonic, worthless. Only reason Caitlin Jenner gets no squawk from us, the GOP, is because he/she is a Republican, always was and apparently always will be. Since she is one of us…crickets. Josh is a good family man – in every sense of that term, right?

Life is good if you’re one of The Chosen. And we, the GOP, don’t mean Jews. It’s clear God made a little mistake there, and we’re setting it right. Ahhh. It’s so nice not having a whit of conscience. We’re the GOP. We don’t need to.