Trump Exploring U.S. Purchase of Wakanda

Donald Trump has been preoccupied over the past few months with the prospect of using his real estate development smarts to “develop” the U.S.. After flirting with the idea of the U.S. buying Greenland, Atlantis or Hogwarts, he has settled on pursuing the purchase of Wakanda.

Wakanda, the fictional, high tech, majority black nation featured in the movie, Black Panther, has captured the imagination of America’s most short-fingered white nationalist.

“The Fake News is saying, ‘Wakanda’s not a real country, you can’t buy it,’ but they just have a blind hate of Trump and want to stop Trump from having a big win! They’re too stupid to know that Wakanda wants everyone to think they don’t exist, it was in the movie, you lamestream media morons,” Trump energetically sneered, exposing a white powdery substance clinging inside his nostril.

“You look at all the places run by black…run by people who aren’t like Trump and they’re a total mess,” Trump insisted from a table in his Trump Tower Grille as a chef with a butcher knife chased several rabid mice out of the kitchen. “If you think Wakanda looks good now, wait until I get my hands on it. It will be more beautiful like you’ve never seen, I’ll increase its value so quickly, as quickly as we can build detention facilities for the natives living there now who would become illegal aliens once Wakanda becomes part of America. And we’ll need to rename it, sounds too foreign now, I don’t know what would be a good name, maybe, ‘Trumpville’? ‘St. Trump’? ‘New Trump City’? Whichever Americans like, doesn’t matter to me,” Trump explained while sourly spitting out a gulp from a bottle of Trump Water.

Trump shared other real estate development plans he is thinking over for the U.S. including turning The National Mall into a giant “National Shopping Mall” and buying the sun then charging everyone on Earth for sunlight.