GOP to Merge With Al Qaeda and The Taliban

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reagan-taliban

Against a backdrop of Republican politicians training on monkey bars, Reince Priebus fired an AK-47 into the air with the heads of Al Qaeda and the Taliban to announce a merger of the three organizations. This new entity, named for the first initials of each group, RAT, came together very quickly.

“When we first approached both groups, we were a little tentative,” Priebus remarked. “But it was surprisingly a natural fit. In our first conversation, we all agreed on limiting the rights of women, passing laws that enforced extreme religious beliefs, making it legal for people to kill minorities and restricting the right of those who oppose us to vote. I never knew how similar we could be to people who weren’t white,” expressed Priebus. “We do think of ourselves as a ‘big tent’ party which may be why we were so comfortable meeting with Al Qaeda and the Taliban in a big tent in Pakistan.”

“The real kicker was when we told them about what we were doing with our political power in the US, we explained that we were trying to slash funding and safety nets for the poor and the majority, undermine public education and allow oil companies and the wealthy to dominate our nation…we all had to shout ‘Jinx!’. And then, when we told them how we were threatening to not raise the debt ceiling and destroy the American and world economies if our demands were not met, they got excited like little kids and were saying, ‘Hey! We want to destroy America too!’  We had so much in common, it would have been unAmerican for us not to welcome them on board.”

Priebus described it as the best of all possible worsts. “We feel we can bring a lot to Al Qaeda and the Taliban when it comes to how best to terrorize America and bankrupt it until it is too helpless to do anything as well as how to best recruit mindless, sociopathic followers. Meanwhile, we can use their expertise on making videotaped extortion threats, establishing a theocracy and marketing burkas to women,” Priebus explained.

When asked if there were any reservations about going into business with a terrorist group, Priebus responded, “There was that worry at the outset but after a lot of conversations, deliberations and persuasion, we were able to convince Al Qaeda and the Taliban to put that concern behind them and come on board with us.”

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agrippaKalimakesmarnchoiceladyAdLib Recent comment authors
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choicelady
Member

AdLib – I just want to know how you got them all together for that photo op…

agrippa
Member
agrippa

Funny and sad.
Neither side sees the similarities.

Kalima
Admin

Ok, you owe me a box of tissues used to clean the coffee off my cardi. 😆

Hilarious but at the same time eye opening because they actually do have all these evil traits in common. The only real difference is that Al-Qa’ida and the Taliban wouldn’t have to bow to women at election time because they would not be allowed to vote.

Did you see the story I posted this morning about Al-Qa’ida and imagine the Repubs there in their “Kiss the Chef” aprons and funny party hats?

—-

Al-Qa’ida Family Fun Day??? 😯
————

Video: Al-Qa’ida holds family fun day in war torn Aleppo

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/video-alqaida-holds-family-fun-day-in-war-torn-aleppo-8730349.html

EDIT:

Sorry, this video is no longer available on YouTube because the account has been closed. I wonder why? 😉

” I never knew how similar we could be to people who weren’t white,” expressed Priebus”. Priceless. 😆

Thanks for the laughs AdLib, I was ready for some right about now.

kesmarn
Admin

😆 AdLib, this is laugh-out-loud funny. Truly one of your best articles!

There’s only one element that might have been added to make it even closer to the truth: they might have invited the Cosa Nostra, the yakuza and the Russian mafia to join the party. All of the aforementioned could learn a lot about persuasive techniques from Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. And for entertainment there could be a medley of Carnival Cruise lounge tunes from Silvio Berlusconi, accompanied by Ted Nugent. Catering by Paula Deen in a burka.

Nirek
Member

Ad, they do have the same set of values (or non values). Disrespecting women, gays, and people who don’t agree with them. I think is more sad then funny. That said I do get the humor.

AlphaBitch
Member
AlphaBitch

NOW you’ve depressed me! This is so real it’s frightening. But oddly funny, too…