Displaying 2,161 To 2,190 Of 2,240 Comments Do not go gentle into that good night (well, on second thought…) Hey there Escribacat: what a touchingly beautiful, hauntingly sad story! Right now, we are going through end of life issues with my father in law. He is in his mid-80s, had several heart attacks, went to get a quadruple bypass in August 2008, and AFTER surgery, suffered a major stroke. He can’t walk, has difficulty talking, and needs help round the clock. He got depressed, threatened suicide while in a nursing home, so his two local children moved him back home. He is now holding the entire family hostage, and their anger, frustration and depression is building like a volcano. He tells his children that they HAVE to take care of him (never mind my sister in law has a job, a husband and two teen sons she seldom sees anymore), that it is their job because he “took care of them”. This from a man who didn’t change diapers, and when his own father fell ill, didn’t take him into his home or wipe his ass for him. (Sorry, I am angry with him as I see what has happened to the rest of the family. One brother in law is on the verge of a breakdown, my mother in law is now in a hospital and has had her hair fall out and her psoriasis worsen to the point of untreatable). Yet no one challenges him. I have backed away – it’s not MY father, after all – but inside I am seething. My husband has formed very good boundaries, but still we spend hours each night, him talking to his siblings, me talking to him afterwards to get the shorthand version. My father in law actually said the reason he had children was so that they would take care of him! Never having had my own children – just my exchange student/refugee “children” – the concept is as foreign to me as having parents so they can pay for your tuition to college! aaarrggghhhh! Sorry for the venting. You touched a nerve. But now back to you: there is a great book, written by my doctor. He’s been on NPR a lot – his name is Jerald Winakur. He wrote the book “Memory Lessons” about his own father’s descent into Alzheimers, and his efforts to care and comfort his dad. His story is wonderful and made my husband cry in public when we went to the reading. Check it out, if you can. And thanks. I love how open everyone is here to sharing. As I tell the students who have witnessed such atrocities in Afghanistan, “sometimes if you share your story, each person can take a little bit of that burden from you, and help carry it for you”. I feel better already. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 24, 2009 @ 12:29 pm OK, I’m shamed. I hate even doing the three mile a day walk. I suspect my lung endurance comes from the sixty plus teens I’ve worked with – screaming and yelling is also aerobic, no? (Kidding!) » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:21 pm Hey pal! I have a dear friend, who made the most sense with her statement: “You know, I started drinking (drugging, smoking) because it made me feel good. I quit because it started making me feel bad.” I was such a goody two shoes; I never drank before I turned 21 (unless w/ my parents – and only twice then); I hated smoking, after sitting in a car with the “packers” while we drove 2 hours to see my grandmother; and I’m lucky I never got into drugs – I learned I am deathly allergic to opiates after a surgery when I was in my 40s. What a downer it would have been to be the kid who dropped dead at the rave after doing cocaine for the first time! I have watched good friends battle some of these demons; some win, some lose. I have no judgment. I was afraid I’d get “caught”, which kept me straight. I was always on the backstage list at music events, and around plenty of party people. I was a “designated driver” long before it was defined. I missed some fun times, but I do remember the times I had, so I guess it’s a trade off. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:18 pm And you KNOW how I feel about you, escribacat! I look forward to meeting someday. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 3:59 pm Mine were the two pack a day apiece folks, for a total of 3 packs per day, with my dad smoking some at work. Now I have a bleb on a lung, and I had 3 spontaneous pneumothoraces in the 1980s (hence no diving for me). But I still have good lung function (I’m a little long-winded, you might say). I’m fine if people choose to smoke; I just don’t want to be around them. And I did “lecture lovingly” two good friends about what it was like to be the child of heavy smokers, and to watch your parents die gasping of breath. Both quit, I’m happy to say – but not as happy as their kids!! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 3:56 pm Are you me???? My parents also were heavy smokers, I also have asthma (now I can never scuba dive!), I hate cigarettes, AND – I HATE, ABHOR, DETEST, CAN’T STAND bullies. When I was a young, scrappier gal, I often got into real honest to goodness brawls. I lifted weights, could do 500 situps at a time. I ran a man’s Nautilus club and loved to take guys on the circuit, working alongside them, until they puked. I stand up to people bigger and badder than me (although never if they have a gun), and often forget I’m no longer as strong or fast as I was about 30 years ago. I guess it’s why I’m a good match for teenagers, and Afghans in particular. Although now I’m more a friend than foe. The fight remains, and I loved watching a good match at the other place. YOU were one of my faves! How about Thunderclap Newman and Major Kong? They also cracked me up. I never got into who was who over there, but wonder about them. Keep sprayin’ Pepe!!! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 2:49 pm Hi, I’m Rob-S, and I’m a Moderatorholic I’m an Aries, so red is my color. I think we should have beer tab chains…and I hear Caddy’s are going cheaper these days. I think AdLib needs a stretch. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 8:45 pm Thanks, “Saint” Nellie! And Bito- we can always compromise on what you will need to shave…………. As far as dressing funny: I guess I already do. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 8:43 pm Hi Gretel1or2! Welcome to a planet where you can actually breathe! You’ll have a good time here. My only problem is that I can check in only sporadically. But whenever you write, someone makes you feel you made a valuable contribution, whether or not they agree with you. Happy to have you join the Planetarians! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:26 pm Purrrrrr….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:49 am Confession is good for the soul. Oh wait!!! That’s the other topic….. Great one, FM. A laugh first thing in the morning lifts me all day! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:35 am Destroying Religion: The Essential Task at Hand? Hi KQuark: Given your love of music, and given your health issues, one of the most moving, beautiful, yet “religous/spiritual” pieces I have ever heard is the Beth Nielsen Chapman version of “Be Still My Soul”, an old hymn. Beth suffered from the cancer bug herself, and word is that when she awakened at night, unable to sleep, she would sit and play this at the piano. I cannot hear it without tearing up and finding that way to quiet my own restless soul. It was recorded specifically for an album done by some friends, Hands Across the Water, to raise money for the tsunami victims in Banda Aceh. Try and find it, and let it speak to you. I have no idea who you are, don’t tune in long enough to learn where people live, but I do remember seeing something about your struggle and I am aware of the power of music to you. Hope you can find this, and hope it speaks to you as well. Accept no substitutes – it’s a beautiful song, but there is something special in Beth’s voice, a need coming from within at the time. – AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 23, 2009 @ 7:26 am Sad truth being, Dick Cheney labeled himself as a Methodist. My husband and I went to the Conference and asked he be excommunicated. When they didn’t make him leave, WE did. I mainly left because my beloved, open minded and open hearted ministers left and we realized our hearts went with them. But I feel no further from God than when I started the journey. And as I said below, there are times I feel even closer than when I sat in a pew. Good on all of us. As the song “More Love” says, “Let’s lay down the weapons, that hold us apart; be still for just a minute, try to open our hearts – to more love.” » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 22, 2009 @ 7:45 pm Sigh. I checked in briefly to catch up – wanted to see what happened in the vote last night (?!). Then I saw this. NOW I have to take five precious minutes, and write my thoughts. I spent all day yesterday, working on a meting to try and determine HOW to help the 1000 refugees now coming to our community. Turns out, about 1/3 of these people are from Iraq. The needs are many, the resources few. We had two folks from Catholic Charities, an Imam (or, as I love to refer to him, “my FAVORITE Imam), a conservative Protestant, and some very liberal and of unknown religious ideologies people. What we discovered amongst ourselves is that it did not matter WHAT you believe, or HOW you choose to represent that belief – we can bond together and help. I learned that there is an Iraqi Christian sect who are followers of John the Baptist! Later that same day, I made dinner for three of my “children” – one boy from Kosovo, one Afghan refugee (a young man), and one of my Afghan students, now in college. What I witnessed was a miracle, however you would choose to describe it. I saw two people, hugging and comforting another who was struggling, sharing some tears and trying to bring some laughter. I saw children in their late teens and early twenties, showing different games played by children in their cultures. I heard laughter; I saw love. And I like to think in the middle of that, I saw a little of God, too. Although reared as a Christian, I have some beliefs decidely more Muslim, some interests in social justice decidely more Catholic, and some tendencies of a Jewish mother! I laugh and say I belong to the Abrahamic faith. This does not mean I have any difficulty with those practicing Hinduism, or Buddhism, or Seikhs, or any other group. And although I am not attending church at present, I have in the past and hope to again in the future (when I find the right one, Cinderella!) A great book to read is Charles Kimball’s “When Religon Becomes Evil”. He started the book by stating that he has asked his students to begin their semester by defining religon. MY defintion (when I thought about it) was “religion is a belief system which sets out to codify and control behaviours”. I still believe that. But I also still believe. And that is the point. Sorry for the tome: I’ve had only five hours sleep, and still have a Kosovar resting peacefully in his room. I don’t know if my God can beat up your God, nor do I care. What I know is that having a sense of the Divine pulls me in a way that I strive to be a better person. And that is all that matters to me. If what you believe makes you try a little harder to be a little better, than terrific. If what you believe causes you to feel superior, or much worse – to judge, or inflict damage on those who feel differently than you – than shame on you. If you are not punished in this life, I hope you catch it in the next. If there is one…. So thanks for the diversion, BMarx and fellow Planetarians. Let’s keep up the good work here, and don’t get bogged down. I don’t want to leave the Planet, if you know what I mean….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 22, 2009 @ 7:50 am Senate Bill: CBO Says 2/3 of U.S. Would Have Public Option Available Texas opting out may well mean Texas could turn blue. It has a high number of uninsured (yes, they are legal), and a high ccst to provide medical care to the uninsured. It could mean people getting more involved. Or not. Such a stubborn state – long ago, a friend compared Texas to Afghanistan (having stayed in both places long enough to be familiar with them). We seem to rank high in goof-balls and uneducated! I mean, it’s where Glen Beck bumped uglies with Ted Nugent. It was also the home of Miss Ann (Richards) and Mollie Ivins. A land of contrasts and big hair.. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 19, 2009 @ 12:10 pm I’ll ask. Truthfully, I thought “to blovicate” sounded like some sort of intestinal distress caused by too much onion pie! I’ll explain exqueeshiated soon. It’s an uncommon occurence…thank God! » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 31, 2009 @ 11:40 am Yum! I’ve had onion pie as well with the Texas 1015s or the Vidalia sweets. Good stuff, that! » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 31, 2009 @ 10:38 am Hey there Tiger. The boolani was actually very good. They are like empanadas, or pocket sandwiches I guess. One was filled with leeks only, the other with potato only, and one with a combo of the two. You fry them in oil. TheBlov was terribly afraid of the leeks (he has onionphobia), and kept asking me if it was going to be like an “onion pie” (we live in Texas, and enjoy Frito pie, so everything to us is pie). But he actually enjoyed them greatly and even ate two of them. And the guys even did most of the clean up. Amazing lads. If we ever have a Planet get together, I’ll try and nab one of the guys to make their signature dish! Wouldn’t that be fun? » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 31, 2009 @ 10:21 am Hold up there, Em! He’s come up with some real winners – like “exsqueeshiated” (not sure about the spelling). Anyone care to venture what THAT one means? (Hint: it had to do with cattle) I love TheBlovicator with all my heart; we have been (mostly) happily married for almost 28 years. He is my best friend, my true mate. But some of his malaprops have made coffee/water/soda come out of orifices I didn’t even know I had! Blov is off with the boys – BestBuy, the mall. We’re off to a fun party tonight. I spent two hours with one of the boys, while he had 4 different MRIs taken of his feet (suspicion is some tendon/ligament damage due to soccer, and he will need surgery next week). Never a dull moment with those two….Next week it ends, and my house will return to its calm, peaceful state. I’ll miss them horribly. Is this like REAL parenthood????? » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 31, 2009 @ 9:54 am Sorry he’s an asshole. But the nice thing is, he won’t have to stink up YOUR life now! My “practice husband” is and was a nice guy; we just weren’t meant to be. I’m on the real marriage this time – 28 years on Feb. 20th to a guy who is my true love and best friend. Even though he is a total computer hog, and I now have to log off again so he can keep working!!! » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 17, 2009 @ 10:31 am Hey Nicole! Good to see/hear from you. I was wondering what had happened. I refer to my ex as my “practice husband”. Don’t know your circumstances – it’s none of my business – but I can almost guarantee you it will get better. Hope you are doing well, too. I only pop in and out of here, due to personal circumstances of being too darn busy! But it’s the best place to be! » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 17, 2009 @ 7:09 am Javaz, I seldom get to check in much these days, but did so today. I am so very sorry about your brother and your loss. AdLib’s advice is so very true – you can’t carry the guilt with you. That being said, I want you to know that I am carrying your advice – to heart – about continuing to try to make things better. I’m going to call my sister right now. May you find comfort in those here who love you, and may time help ease the pain. Hugs and love – AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 10, 2009 @ 7:13 am Morning, Kalima! Thanks for the photos – serves as a good reminder. Sometimes I’m appalled at how little we really know about the world and the people who live there. A picture truly is worth 1000 words in some instances. I have that connection on some level w/ Afghanistan. It’s like I know and see those photos already. The others serve to remind me of the conditions in much of the rest of the world, always. I try and take my Afghans to lecture and photo shows of Sudan (I have a friend who was quite an activist there and who now works with the Genocide Intervention Network). It is eye-popping to many of them, as their scope of reference is Afghanistan/Iran/Pakistan and US – nothing else. They sometimes leave feeling quite blessed, after seeing what is happening in Sudan. The more we know… That said, I HAD NO IDEA German judges had such cool hats! Geez, wouldn’t you love to see Scalia in some head covering? Perhaps a face covering? I’m headed over to the Afghan thread to read the links you posted. Thanks for all you do here on the Planet! » Posted By AlphaBitch On December 2, 2009 @ 2:46 am Grabamop: that Willie is one cute kitty! He looks like my neighbor’s cat, Azul. We take care of him; he is always in fights and totally scabby. A shame, as he is one sweet puddy tat. We have a special needs boy, Beto. I’ll share a photo when I get a minute of the big boy. And if there is ever an adult topics thread, I’ll let you know about his “needs”……….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 18, 2009 @ 2:46 pm What the hell does he know about either? Seems to me, he’s been getting off scot free! My favorite line about Rove: “He has flesh colored hair.” » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 18, 2009 @ 2:42 pm Your Satisfaction is our Greatest Annoyance The movie Outsourced was a good one on this topic. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 15, 2009 @ 1:18 pm FINALLY.. once again a Nation of LAWS & NOT of “men”. Great post. Shows what can be accomplished with a competent AG. I worked as a lead litigation paralegal (civil) for 20 years; I would gladly volunteer my time to help with such an endeavor. I’m just so grateful to see the law prevail again! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 14, 2009 @ 6:29 am Debate Night Live – Vote and Discuss! . » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 14, 2009 @ 3:08 pm Sorry I missed the debate; we had out of town company and were in “entertainment” mode. It is a great idea, and it seemed to have really generated some very thoughtful conversation. Thanks, Planet! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 14, 2009 @ 6:25 am Hey Javaz: Here goes: Use only extra-long basmati rice (I use Sela rice, grown in Pakistan and favored by Afghans). Wash the rice well until the water is clear, and then soak for 20 minutes in warm water. 4 Tbsp. unalted butter 1. Melt the butter in a heavy 2 qt. saucepan over medicum heat. Add carrots; cook and stir for 5 minutes. Stir in orange zest, almonds, raisins and turmeric; continue stirring and cooking for 4 more minutes. Add rice and continue stirring until the rice is well coated with butter and takes on some color (2 minutes) 2. Pour in the boiling stock in a steady stream; let boil about 2 minutes. Add salt to taste, reduce heat to very low. Cover tightly and simmer until liquid is absorbed (about 15-20 minutes). Let stand, covered, for 10 minutes. 3. Fluff with a fork. Transfer to platter, and stir gently before serving. NOTE: This recipe comes from my friend, Tom, who runs the camp for the Afghan students. He is, fortunately, able to translate the recipe into measures and minutes for me, something that the students never quite seem to appreciate the need to do! » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 14, 2009 @ 9:20 amComments Posted By AlphaBitch
Con muchas gracias….
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1 c. grated carrots
1/3 c. slivered almonds (I fry first in a little oil)
Grated zest of 2 oranges
1/3 c. golden raisins
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1 1/2 c. long grain rice
3 c. BOILING chicken stock (or veggie, if you prefer)
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