Religious Extremism

"By removing the need for doctors to be licensed, we could get all kinds of new and exciting approaches in medicine! Why not let a barista do liposuction? A jackhammer operator give a colonoscopy? Or a clown be a brain surgeon?"

"The folks at Fox News have been fantastic, it's really a great fit for me," Satan stated. "I think we're on the same page which makes working with them seamless."

It was a dark and stormy night as two gay novelists were driving through Kentucky on their way to New York, to get married...

This past Friday, the United States outdid itself. Reactions varied as Justice Kennedy delivered the finishing touches to the end of civilization.

Scalia explained, “History now poses a threat to the white male conservative Christian’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. That being the case, this court has no other choice but to order history to cease and desist.

"The first thing we need to do is change the public's perception of this and take away the unfair stigma," GOP adviser Frank Luntz explained. "We want to come up with a more positive term for 'molestation', that word just exudes negativity. We're spitballing a few ideas now as replacements. There's 'Mistaken Feelings', 'Confused Hands' and 'Oops Baby Baby'."

Instead of letting the GOP get away with trying to create an anti-identity based solely on what they oppose and want to repeal, it's a good time to recognize who they really are as a party and what they truly stand for.

"No matter which religion you belong to, as long as you study and follow the teachings of the Bible, you can be Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, any religion at all, all Arkansans are eligible for this tax credit," Davis stated.

Sure, people get away with lots of terrible things until they don't. And Mike Pence found that out to his utter shock. "Really? Americans don't like it when you make it legal to be bigoted as long as you hide behind 'religious beliefs'? Who woulda thunk that?"

Ted Cruz has as much of a chance at winning the Presidency as Liberty University's founder Jerry Falwell does in having a snowball fight where he currently is but anyone who knows anything about Republicans knows that to them, reality is just a liberal/socialist/anti-colonial plot.