Pope Francis has been making big news during his visit to the U.S., promoting concern for the poor, Climate Change and immigrants. Some Republicans claim that The Pope’s urging Congress to follow the Golden Rule and show compassion towards others is proof of a biased liberal agenda.
Congressman Paul Gosar (R-AZ) announced his boycott of the Pope’s address to Congress today by explaining, “When the Pope chooses to act and talk like a leftist politician, then he can expect to be treated like one.” Gosar added that if Jesus ever returns and also talks like a leftist politician, supporting the poor, peace and opposing the money changers, he’d have no other choice as a true Christian than to boycott his speeches as well and go on Fox News to crucify him.
As for Fox News, they have announced that due to the liberally slanted views expressed by the Pope, in pursuit of providing the “fair and balanced” coverage they’re known for, Fox News has hired Satan to provide commentary for them on The Pope’s visit.
“The folks at Fox News have been fantastic, it’s really a great fit for me,” Satan stated. “I think we’re on the same page which makes working with them seamless.”
Satan explained that he will mostly be appearing on Fox News by satellite from Hell, “Hey, it’s September, you know how hot and miserable it gets in New York this time of year?”
Fox News CEO Roger Ailes said that broadcasting Satan’s views on his network will be business as usual. “We like to get all perspectives on Fox News, from Birthers to Truthers, from racists to Islamophobes, from misogynists to immigrant haters. So, Satan’s views will be a welcome counterbalance to all the left wing ‘peace, love and understanding’ propaganda being pushed by the Pope.”
Asked about what criticisms we could expect to hear from him with regards to the Pope, Satan mentioned that it would be too hard to list all of them. “Hey, it would be easier for me to list what we agree on than what we disagree on. Which is nada! He doesn’t support wars, bigotry and hatred in general, if everyone followed his views, I’d be out of business.”
To which Ailes added, “So would we.”