Justice

The first question that comes to mind is why these Republicans, especially those in The South, think that panicking after a terrorist attack and proclaiming how fearful they are, comes off as macho in the supposedly "macho" Republican community.

"By removing the need for doctors to be licensed, we could get all kinds of new and exciting approaches in medicine! Why not let a barista do liposuction? A jackhammer operator give a colonoscopy? Or a clown be a brain surgeon?"

Money is a figment of our collective imagination. Its value is what we say it is, it is its utility that is being undermined by hoarders.

America's failed war on drugs supplies an almost endless stream of inmates to these corporations. The more people these companies incarcerate, the more money these companies make. There is something fundamentally wrong with all of this.

It was a dark and stormy night as two gay novelists were driving through Kentucky on their way to New York, to get married...

"David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, wish I could do that! 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free?' That giant metal immigrant, you know she's from France, needs to be deported along with 11 million Mexicans!"

"I believe in the sanctity of life and in order to protect it, I think we need to be willing to require the deaths of anyone, especially women, who threaten it," Rubio stated.

This past Friday, the United States outdid itself. Reactions varied as Justice Kennedy delivered the finishing touches to the end of civilization.

Scalia explained, “History now poses a threat to the white male conservative Christian’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. That being the case, this court has no other choice but to order history to cease and desist.

"The first thing we need to do is change the public's perception of this and take away the unfair stigma," GOP adviser Frank Luntz explained. "We want to come up with a more positive term for 'molestation', that word just exudes negativity. We're spitballing a few ideas now as replacements. There's 'Mistaken Feelings', 'Confused Hands' and 'Oops Baby Baby'."