There was great outrage last week after 47 Republican Senators wrote a letter to Iran’s leaders. Their intent was to undermine President Obama’s constitutional authority to negotiate foreign policy in hopes of killing a peaceful agreement that prevented Iran from possessing nuclear weapons.
What many people do not know is that two letters were signed by these GOP Senators on that same day, one to Iran and one to Ares, God of War. The letter to Ares is quite different and has been kept secret by the GOP. However, thanks to a team of socialists, liberals and Muslims we hired, who are of course naturally connected with evil, we were able to obtain a copy of that letter which we’re told was chiefly drafted by South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. The complete text is below:
Dear Ares, God of War,
Hi! What are you doing? Um, we just wanted to say hi and…um…I guess you probably know cause like everyone’s gossiping and stuff about it but…we’ve got a crush on you.
You could tell, huh? We just think about you all the time, like the whole day…and um…at night too. We have dreams about you…like…you’re standing on a big mountain watching lotsa nuclear explosions going off in Iran and Israel and stuff and…we’re like, standing right beside you , hugging and kissing you and posting selfies of us making out on Twitter.
You are so cute! We love everything about you, that cute little glint in your eye when you’re like, watching “collateral damage”, you have such a sexy roar you make when people blow up and you’re just so lovable the way you laugh with everything you’ve got when two countries or religions think God is behind them in trying to destroy the other. You get us so hot! All we can think about is Armageddon-it-on with you!
And our BFFs love you too but you know that. We’re not jealous of them, they make all the weapons you need everyone to have and they give us lots of money to get elected so we can help them and you! I know it may sound gross but…we talked about maybe at the same time we could both give you warhead?
You don’t have to say you love us too, it’s okay. But if you do, that would be so incredible! We could get married and stuff and no one would ever come between us. I mean, as long as you break it off with that Putin guy. But we’re not telling you what to do or anything! You tell us what you want and we’ll totally do it! Just ask Bibi!
So Ares, we hope you know now how totally crazy we are about you and how we’d like do anything to prove it to you. Other than actually fight in a war ourselves, I mean that’s like really dangerous.
Talk to you soon! Can’t wait! But until then, we’ll be thinking about you every day, with every lobbyist’s campaign contribution we get! Waiting for war is hell!
Yours forever and ever (until the Rapture),
47 Republican Senators
“Blessed are the peace makers…for they shall be called the children of God.”
So much for the god fearing republicans who long for war.
They don’t bother with the New Testament, KT. They’re so crazy about the old tribal warfare! Just gives them goosebumps, all that smiting and everything! Actually they’re “Old Testamentarians”. Jesus is just for show and the ‘get out of jail free’ card they pray will save them at death. But actually, you know, FOLLOW the teachings? Please. That’s for wimps.
Well it’s official: The GOP have come out publicly as the idiot mongoloid stepchildren of American Politics. We try and try to hide them away, or at least teach them how to be civil and respect everyone else, but despite our efforts they continue to come out and make complete asses of themselves and embarrass us in the eyes of the rest of the world. America may well be “the last remaining superpower” but we won’t be for much longer with fools like the GOP pretending to run things.
I apologize to any mongoloids who resent being associated with the GOP.
Oops! 😳 Well it looks as if the 47’s “15 Minutes of Fame” is over. How’s that old lettery thingy going for ya??
Has anyone seen the 1941 Japanese film, “47 Ronin”. Well this lot will now be known as the “47 Rodents”.
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“Iranians express optimism over nuclear agreement”
http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2015/03/iranians-express-optimism-nuclear-agreement-150317171559932.html
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They might want to go back to school to learn something about geography before they write their next letter though. 😆
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Cotton Seems Confused About The Basic Geography Of Iran
http://thinkprogress.org/world/2015/03/15/3633912/tom-cotton-alarmed-capital-iran-controlled-iran/
Kalima, 47 seems to be the number that brings down the GOP. You know “47% of Americans will vote for Obama, no matter what.” And now 47 republican senators act childish and write a letter that undermines the President.
What next?
Well Nirek, if that is their number, let’s hope it’s the same number they get in the 2016 GE, while the opposing Democrat, rolls in at 50% or over. Never give up and vote.
Whatever happened to that good ‘ol 666 sign of the devil? Guess they can’t count that high or have that many followers. So “47” is the new norm?
Great Comment AdLib, I don’t think Americans realize how badly these neocons want to go to war with Iran. Did anyone read that crazy column by Joshua Muravchik in the Washington Post? He stated war with Iran is the Only viable option.
Muravchik claims the bombing won’t have much repercussion and that it will embolden Iranians to overthrow their government and welcome our bombing
He further states that there may be some retaliation but we can handle it with more bombs and ground troops if necessary.
The cat is out of the bag. They are going after war with Iran. Have you noticed that GOP is no longer talking about ISIS as the existential threat?
And of course none of these neocons are discussing how they will pay for this war. We don’t have enough billions for food stamp but we have trillions for a war? And how will China react to news that its oil supply is about to be cut off by US intervention? Will China be willing to finance our new war while we wreck their economy by causing surges in oil prices?
None of these situations matter……….it all about chicken hawk neocons providing more no-bid contracts to their friends in the defense industry.
Hey CD. Yep, the neo-cons are up to their old tricks once again. The reasons they want war with Iran are basically the same reasons they wanted to invade and occupy Iraq.
They want to overthrow the present Iranian government, and replace it with American style democracy (as long as they are pulling the strings from the shadows) and they want control of Iran’s vast oil fields. Iran is the third largest producer of oil in the entire world. They also want a permanent American presence in the region. The neo-cons really want a “do-over,” to rectify their failures in their first attempt to dominate the region and control it’s oil.
In essence, the neos want an American empire.
That was the rationale for Vietnam, and you can see how well THAT worked. Nothing like advocating the same thing over and over hoping someday it will succeed. I think that’s called…”insanity”?
Well, boys will be boys, unless you’re Lindsey Graham of course. They like to set fires and blow things up. Junior HS is not what it used to be.
Hilarious AdLib, because even in real life it is exactly how they sound to me. HS thugs minus the pimples and an IQ in lower double digits in most cases. Like the bright spark who asked if a woman could swallow a small camera to enable a doctor to see her reproductive organs. Quite frankly I doubt if he could even find his own rectum on a foggy night. If that man is married, then I must say that I feel awfully sorry for his wife.
Thanks Ad for the laugh!!
My pleasure, slm!
Number 47 said to Number Bibi,
‘You’re sure the cutest warbird we ever did see.
We sure would be delighted with your company.
C’mon and flatten some Ayatollohs with me..
Let’s bomb, Bibi lets bomb”!
Excellent, ppo!
Remember McCain saying; “bomb,bomb, bomb, Bomb , bomb Iran”…
Ad…many friends, including me receive a message we have been blocked.Many fans from Crooks & Liars told me the same.What is going on?XX T
Ex–blocked from what?
ExFan. sorry about that! We’ve been adjusting our security software, please invite these folks to try again, they shouldn’t be blocked now.
Hahahahahahah PERFECT.Bibi is going to lose BAD. Spoke to Tel Aviv friends. They hate him.
Scarlet Lindsay can kiss my butt…..Better thinking of it…NO.
ExFan, here’s hoping Bibi gets bupkis in the election! Since he’s also the apparent leader of the GOP, that would be a sweet loss for them too!
Love the graphic.
Thanks KT!
That number 47 seems to be the favorite number of the GOP.
Nirek, as you say, 47 is the Romney percent of Americans Repubs despise, the number of Repub Senators who signed that letter and coincidentally, their average IQ.
😆
Thanks GreenChica!