July 7, 2011 (AP) In a surprise move, House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (Fox – WI) inadvertently signed what he expected was an unamended version of his draconian budget without bothering to read the fine print.
Unbeknownst to the conservative Congressman, Dr. Ron Paul (Bagger – TX) inserted an arcane addendum that required replacing all elected Republicans (federal, state and local) with the results of some experiments he had been conducting in his suburban Galveston basement.
“They’re easier to feed, they take up less space and besides, they’re really cute”, quipped the 12-term Congressman who has represented Texas’s 14th District since 1997.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (Schnorrer – VA), who had recently requested his mother read the entire bill to him during his favorite breakfast consisting of schmaltz through a straw, was overheard screaming, “No.. wait… don’t sign tha…!!!” as he ran into the House Chamber clutching the crumpled piece of legislation in his hands while random pages continued to fly into the air.
But it was already too late.
In an unprecedented display of parliamentary efficiency, President Barack Obama was already in the wings and immediately signed the new bill into law.
“I never thought I would be so pleased to sign a Republican piece of financial legislation”, the Chief Executive said with considerable glee as he continued under his breath “fa shizzle.. hee, hee, hee, whoolawd!”.
The newly enacted statute requires all members of the republican party currently serving in office to vacate by labor day.. a date that both SEIU President Emeritus Andy Stern and AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka found sardonically ironic.
As it turns out, Dr. Paul’s Protozoa seem to have demonstrated not only a better aptitude for governance than their predecessors and a considerably increased propensity towards empathy, but actually seems to be more highly evolved than those that they will be replacing.