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BlueStateMan On July - 7 - 2011

July 7, 2011 (AP) In a surprise move, House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (Fox –  WI) inadvertently signed what he expected was an unamended version of his draconian budget without bothering to read the fine print.

Unbeknownst to the conservative Congressman, Dr. Ron Paul (Bagger – TX) inserted an arcane addendum that required replacing all elected Republicans (federal, state and local) with the results of some experiments he had been conducting in his suburban Galveston basement.

“They’re easier to feed, they take up less space and besides, they’re really cute”, quipped the 12-term Congressman who has represented Texas’s 14th District since 1997.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (Schnorrer – VA), who had recently requested his mother read the entire bill to him during his favorite breakfast consisting of schmaltz through a straw, was overheard screaming, “No.. wait… don’t sign tha…!!!” as he ran into the House Chamber clutching the crumpled piece of legislation in his hands while random pages continued to fly into the air.

But it was already too late.

In an unprecedented display of parliamentary efficiency, President Barack Obama was already in the wings and immediately signed the new bill into law.

“I never thought I would be so pleased to sign a Republican piece of financial legislation”, the Chief Executive said with considerable glee as he continued under his breath “fa shizzle.. hee, hee, hee, whoolawd!”.

The newly enacted statute requires all members of the republican party currently serving in office to vacate by labor day.. a date that both SEIU President Emeritus Andy Stern and AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka found sardonically ironic.
As it turns out, Dr. Paul’s Protozoa seem to have demonstrated not only a better aptitude for governance than their predecessors and a considerably increased propensity towards empathy, but actually seems to be more highly evolved than those that they will be replacing.

14 Responses so far.

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  1. Emerald1943 says:

    Hello, all my wonderful Planeteers! I am so glad I logged on this afternoon…I needed a good laugh! I’ve long thought that the GOP gene pool needed some Clorox Clean-up! But this is a much better idea…not harmful to the environment!

    I trust you all are well! I am happy to see all the familiar names here!

    • AdLib says:

      Hi Emerald, nice to see you!

      • Emerald1943 says:

        Hi Adlib! Nice to see you too! Glad to see the Planet is alive and well! BlueStateMan is writing some great stuff!

        I just went back and read an article that you wrote in November last year about Democracy and how we could structure a new Constitution. I saw many of the same ideas, like a 10 yr. term for SCOTUS justices, last night in an email asking for ideas from, I believe, Change.Org. The amazing part was that there were thousands of people responding to this request. It was rather interesting. Maybe the American voter is waking up to the dangers that we face! It can’t happen soon enough!

  2. coveark says:

    Perfect…Problem solved !!!

  3. KQuark says:

    😆 sales of the antibiotic Cipro hit the roof once the law is enacted.

  4. Patently unconstitutional.

    Austerity measures can’t be applied to Republicans. It’s against the Umpteenth Amendment.

  5. AdLib says:

    Speaking on behalf of the Strepti Caucus, we will be filing a suit in court questioning this prejudicial law that provides for representation for protozoa but not a single bacteria.

    I suppose some single cells are more equal than others???

    We’ll see you in court!

  6. Khirad says:

    You should submit this to The Onion.

    • AlphaBitch says:

      Khirad -- great idea. it’s why BSM makes da big bucks here.

      Or send it to Jon/Stephen. Too funny for exclusive Planet use.

      Way to go, BSM.

  7. choicelady says:

    BSM- Freaking BRILLIANT! Oh that it were true…

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