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AdLib On January - 24 - 2010

Corporations Are People Too!


How to Explain The Supreme Court’s Derangement

to Your Child


by Dr. Suits


On a winter’s day in two thousand ten
A decision was made by five crazy men
Their words were all heard by the little boy, Trent
Who then asked his mother what all of this meant.

“Corporations are people? That seems very odd.
I haven’t met one in my class or schoolyard.”

“Do they have arms and legs? Do they like to kick balls?
Do they lick ice cream cones? Do they yell in the halls?”
His mother replied with a shake of her head,
“No they don’t but they’re people, the Justices said.”

“Do they like to climb trees? Do they walk? Do they run?
Do they like to breathe air? Do they sing just for fun?”
His mother replied with a face that was red,
“No they don’t but they’re people, the Justices said.”

“Do they vote in elections? Or drive a fast car?
Do they give birth to babies? Or wish on a star?”
His mother looked weary and ready for bed,
“No they don’t but they’re people, the Justices said.”

“Do they live? Do they die? Or even have souls?
Do they pour lots of milk in their cereal bowls?”
His mother’s heart fell as if  weighted by lead,
“No they don’t but they’re people, the Justices said.”

The little boy Trent had had quite enough,
He started to frown, he started to huff,
“What kind of people don’t breathe or have souls?
Don’t live and don’t die or have cereal bowls?”

“Those five men are dumber than all in my class,
My decision for them? They can all  kiss my ass!”

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

206 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. AdLib says:

    Now that we’ve got the whole package, WTS and I have discussed sending it to publications. We tossed around a few ideas of places to go:

    Slate, The New Yorker, The New Republic, Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone and The Nation.

    Any other suggestions?

    Also, I’m not a seasoned hand at submitting articles to publications so any assistance or on how to proceed or referrals would be appreciated. Otherwise, I figure we can submit it as a Letter to the Editor and if they like it enough, they could always feature it as an Editorial.

    Thanks to all for your support and once again, cheers to WTS for such wonderful work!

    • Questinia says:

      New York Magazine.

      The New Yorker usually requires a body of work, from what I understand.

    • nellie says:

      AdLib, you’ll want to look for the publication’s editorial guidelines. They’re usually on the masthead page or somewhere on the website. Find out what they require for a submission. Write a query letter and let them know you have a short piece with art. A note of caution — some publications are very finicky about publishing material that has appeared elsewhere, so you might want to find out what kind of policy they have in that regard.

    • escribacat says:

      Adlib, The Atlantic is a good one too. Each magazine will have its own submission guidelines which you should follow. Some of them might have rules against simultaneous submissions. There might also be issues with prior publication (eg., in a newspaper).

    • bitohistory says:

      I wonder if all the places that it has been sent will generate anything? I think I am up to about 10 now. I just know it will be on Rachel’s tonight! 😕

    • BigDogMom says:

      I would like to forward this as a letter to the editor of my local papers and to several CT progressive blogs.

      Just have to figure out how to do it and find the time…just got a new ‘big’ client, will be busy for the next few weeks.

  2. Hopeington says:

    Wow, impressive artwork, to say the least!! I better change my Facebook Link!!
    I’ve been here about a month now and I’m still loving it more everyday.

    • whatsthatsound says:

      Hope, E-cat, Nellie, Kesmarn BDM and Javaz (and anyone else I may have omitted erroneously), thank you all for the kind comments and praise. It means a lot to me!

    • bitohistory says:

      Isn’t that cool, Hope? 😎 It’s perfect. I have been sending out a few links and teases to the writing and then saying “you have to see the art work!” Putting two pieces of bait on the hook. 😉

  3. escribacat says:

    Fantastic! Hilarious! And all those cool Japanese superlatives too!

  4. kesmarn says:

    Just when you think something is absolutely perfect and could not be improved upon……………..

    Congrats, WTS! And you “got ‘er done” so quickly, too.

  5. nellie says:

    Stunning, as always, wts. And perfect for the story.

  6. BigDogMom says:

    WTS -- Wonderful work!

  7. javaz says:

    Awesome art/graphic, wts!
    Nailed it perfectly!

  8. Questinia says:

    Absolute perfection, wts.

    Subarashii !

  9. bitohistory says:

    WTS, your work is the icing on the cake! Wow! That is great! ❗

  10. boomer1949 says:

    :smile: I look, read, and all I can do is :smile:

    I hope the grownups get it, I know my grand kids would. Now that’s very scary…

  11. boomer1949 says:

    Oh, it’s way past my sleepy time and I’ll no doubt be late for work, but this is beyond fantastic…as much as I liked the other reference (sneeches or whatever), this is wonderful! I’m sure AdLib, ahem Dr. Suits, and others, will be eternally impressed..

    applause, applause, applause!!


  12. AdLib says:

    What about WTS’ new Dr. Seuss illustration for this post? Does it rock or what?!!!

    Great work WTS!!!

  13. Kalima says:

    Come on everybody, we have 8 Diggs on DIGG, please press on the second from the left share button under AdLib’s post and sign up with Digg to Digg it. Thanks!

    Don’t forget that once you have an account there you can Digg or even submit any article that you think should be read by others to Digg.

    Let’s get Digging!!!

  14. FrankenPC says:

    I don’t get how anti-lobbying laws are any different than anti-racketeering laws. Same concept. Yet, one is on the books and the (truly surreal) supreme court does not see it. Why?

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