fox henhouse

In an attempt to get to the bottom of the Bridgegate scandal, Chris Christie appointed Randy Mastro, his own attorney, to manage an independent investigation which surprisingly has cleared him of any wrongdoing and finds him to be the slimmest and most sexually attractive Governor in the U.S.

What is not widely known is that Christie had also hired his wife, Mary Pat Foster, to do a “Super Independent Investigation”.

Following in the footsteps of the Mastro investigation, Foster did not interview any of the principle parties but just used documents and her gut feelings to arrive at her conclusions. PlanetPOV has obtained an early release of the Foster Report that concludes the following:

  • Chris Christie knew nothing about the lane closures on the George Washington Bridge but knows everything about everything else and would make a great President.
  • Christie’s detractors and those alleging his wrongdoing are involved in the Benghazi cover up.
  • The real victims in Bridgegate were not the thousands of residents stuck in massive traffic jams, those waiting for emergency vehicles to arrive or those lied to and deceived, the real victims are Chris Christie and his family who had heavily invested in printing up “President Christie” t-shirts.
  • Christie is really nice. Really, really nice. And that fact comes from documents. Mostly birthday cards he’s written to his family.
  • By commissioning two independent investigation that his lawyer and wife have conducted, Christie has proven beyond any doubt that he is innocent and that he only wants to get to the bottom of this issue.
  • Hi honey, I’ve made your favorite pork butt for dinner, with extra butt just the way you like it!

Those closely watching the case are awaiting the “Super Extra Independent Investigation” that his children are conducting.

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jjgravitasCAdawnJames Michael BrodieKillgoreTroutDimbulb2 Recent comment authors
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jjgravitas
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jjgravitas

Christie must believe the American public, or his constituents anyway, are completely stupid, for him to put on an obvious snow job like that and expect the public to buy it. What’s he playin’ at? He could have his dog do the investigation and it’d be just as plausible.

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kesmarn
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pinkpantheroz
Member

Hey, Kes, how do you do those, or where can I find them. I’ve a few pithy comments myself I’d like to put in!

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kesmarn
Admin

PPO, so sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you! If you find an image you like, you just right click on it to find the URL for it. If you copy that, you can put it in a comment as an image by clicking the “add image” option below the comment box. That will open up a box in which you can paste the URL. Then you just go ahead and enter it as a comment as usual. Hope that helps!

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pinkpantheroz
Member

Great, Kes, many thanks.

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CAdawn
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CAdawn

My lawyer, paid with taxpayer funds, has found me innocent of any wrongdoing or knowledge of any wrongdoing. Therefore, I am completely able and willing to run for President.
As we smart men know, it’s always some woman having “issues” that try to bring us men down!
Signed,
CC

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James Michael Brodie
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Why do I get the feeling that the children’s “investigation” will include a reference to a helicopter?

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Well Ad, I guess it’s “case closed,” now! Boy am I relieved. I thought for sure my favorite governor was in trouble. But if HIS own lawyer says he had nothing to do with the bridge closure, that’s good enough for me.

Signed;
Gertrude the Gullible

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/03/27/1287778/-Probably-not-the-headlines-Chris-Christie-was-hoping-for?detail=email

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Dimbulb2
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Dimbulb2

well done

I re-posted on the fox news site
that should be fun

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Nirek
Member

Ad, I laughed all the way through the article and responses. There is nothing I can add to make it better. Thanks for having such a good sense of humor.

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monicaangela
Member

Talking about conflict of interest, it appears Christie is King of New Jersey, not Governor and his family appears to be cashing in, living off the labor of the serfs that live in that State. Remember this:

How much did the taxpayers of that state pay the family for that? And now we find that they have found another way of extracting tax dollars from the either unsuspecting or helpless citizens of their State. Thanks Adlib for reporting on this, it is something I haven’t heard or seen in MSM reporting.

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Kalima
Admin

Hi monicaangela. To watch YouTube videos here, you just add a “v” to http like this, https:// then the videos will play. Just fixed them for you.

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monicaangela
Member

Thank you so much Kalima. I will try to remember that in the future. By the way, I notice you are having a bit of a problem with the Morning Blog (subscriptions) how can I help? Have you given up doing it or do you plan to continue?

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Kalima
Admin

My pleasure.

I try to do it as often as the paywalls allow, but every day as I used to has become a problem.

Will post updates on your Sunday morning, so if you are interested it would be great to see you there. Thanks for asking and welcome back to The Planet. 🙂

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monicaangela
Member

Thanks, see you Sunday morning.

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Kalima
Admin

Great, that will be your Sunday afternoon as I’m in Tokyo. Will have the tea and coffee ready.

Have a peaceful day, and it’s goodnight from me.

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pinkpantheroz
Member

I have just completed my own independant investigation. If you wish me to find Gov. Christie had nothing to do with Bridgegate, please forward $1,000,000 to my offshore account. Otherwise…….. HE DONE IT!!!

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Dbos
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Dbos

Why didn’t Nixon think of that ? Oh yea he did; it was a different time when the press were not a fully owned subsidiary of the republikan party so he couldn’t have gotten away with it; now we have a world so full of lies and deceit; an entire news station lies all day long, bought off congressmen lie all day long ;an entire political party is based upon lies and they are successfully buying and winning the battle for the soul of our country.

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pinkpantheroz
Member

What soul? The 1% who own and run this poor place have no soul. We’re DOOMED, Captain!

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choicelady
Member

Well – I know I feel sooooo much better knowing that $1 million of NJ’s tax dollars went into this thoughtful, in-depth report. Obviously the allegations were the work of unhinged women (always true in the GOP firmament) and have no shred of truth.

Christie is the sun, the moon, and the stars and would never EVER do something unprincipled or mean. And you can take Mrs. C’s word for it because she knows him better than ANYONE, of course.

Think of the money this report saved the US taxpayers. Now the DOJ can stand down, assured that there is nothing to investigate. MAJOR public service for Christie’s lawyers to do this so selflessly. I’m sure they worked pro bono, aren’t you?

Well reported Ad Lib. Thank you. Now I can sleep well again. Thank you.

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funksands
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[img]http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/47791311.jpg[/img]

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kesmarn
Admin

Oh, and I meant to add that the “Super Extra Independent Investigation” that the Christie Kiddies are preparing might not be the hymn of praise that His Majesty Don de la Donnie Chris is anticipating. Rumor has it that the disgruntled offspring have been saving up transcripts and video of Crisco on the Homefront — complete with expletives not deleted and flying crockery.

That’ll put the final nail in the Presidential Aspirationish Coffin.

They hope.

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NoManIsAnIsland
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NoManIsAnIsland

AdLib, you’ve done yourself proud in putting your seal of approval on the great job Gov. Christie’s personal lawyer, Randy Mastro, has
done in clearing his name once and for all, or maybe not at all.

I can’t think of anyone who could be more suited than Randy to do a completely impartial and independent investigation of Christie’s alleged involvement in Bridgegate (except a federal prosecutor, perhaps). Lordy me, just think of what would happen to his reputation if his conclusion were found to be tainted by the extremely tenuous connection he might have with Gov. Christie as his personal lawyer and separated-at-birth conjoined twin! I don’t know him, but I’m sure Randy’s word is as good as his bail — I mean his BOND!

And I agree with your superb judgment on Christie’s wife Mary Pat Foster’s “Super Independent Investigation.” As someone who would never have married an overbearing, blustering, bullying, corrupt, hypocritical, lying, selfish, and vainglorious snake in the grass of
a person and governor, the validity of her grueling and hard-hitting investigation speaks for itself in its searing objectivity.

There’s no question that as Gov. Christie has survived the ordeal of fire of the two most rigorous examinations he would want to be subjected to, there is no need for the state of New Jersey or the federal government to pursue the matter any further.

Or is there? 😉

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kesmarn
Admin

First off, AdLib, that graphic is perfect.

We were so much on the same wave length today. I couldn’t resist tweeting: “After a thoro investigation by Gov. Christie, using lawyers appointed by Gov. Christie, Gov. Christie has been found innocent of Bridgegate.”

Folks are going to think we collaborated, but we used nothing but Planetary telepathy — which is, apparently, better than Verizon.

My very favorite line is:

Chris Christie knew nothing about the lane closures on the George Washington Bridge but knows everything about everything else and would make a great President.

Is that 140 characters?

Thanks for some major laughs!

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