Humpty-Christie

Once upon a time in New Jersey…hmm…I can’t think of a single fairy tale that begins that way but if it did it would probably be a Grimm’s Fairy Tale with an ogre getting indicted at the end.

As Governor-for-the-time-being Chris Christie of New Jersey has been treating the outraged public like they are children who can be lulled to sleep with the  fantasies he weaves about Bridgegate , it seems appropriate to return the favor and offer to Gov. Christie, a very special collection of nursery rhymes about him and intended to help put his political future fast asleep.

A big hat tip to NoManIsAnIsland for originating this concept with an inspired comment on another Christie thread. We now submit for your reading pleasure, The PlanetPOV Collection of Chris Christie Fairy Tales.

 

The PlanetPOV Collection of Chris Christie Nursery Rhymes

 

Humpty Christie by NoManIsAnIsland
Humpty Christie was having a ball,
But Humpty Christie may be in for a fall.
All the GOP’s forces and all the GOP’s henchmen
Won’t be able to put Humpty Christie together again!

Jacked and Shilled by Adlib
Chris Christie went up the hill
To find a path to White House
Chris fell down and broke his crown
And Feds came tumbling after.

Little Chris-Peep by Kalima
Not so little Chris-Peep has lost much sleep,
And doesn’t know who to bribe to find it;
Now alone, he soon won’t have a home,
As he’ll be dragging his scandals behind him.

Hush a Bye Christie by NoManIsAnIsland
Hush a bye Christie, on the tree top.
When the facts flow, his cred will rock;
When the case blows, his cred will fall,
And down will come Christie — all of Him,
all!

Hickory Dickory Shock by pinkpantheroz
Hickory Dickory Dock,
Christie has run out his clock
Like bullies galore
He’s no more than a whore
And he’s in for a terrible Shock!

Chris Spratt by NoManIsAnIsland
Chris Spratt ate way too much fat,
His wife, too, abhorred the lean.
And so betwixt the ONE of them,
He vented too much spleen!

Christie Had a Little Scam by Adlib
Christie had a little scam
Little scam
Little scam
Christie had a little scam
His sleaze was wide and low

Oh, What Have You Done by pinkpantheroz
Oh, what have you done, Dear Ol’ Chris,
You’ve given New Jersey the piss,
The Gopers can’t figure
Whose ego is bigger
And you say, ‘My Ass you can kiss”!

Christie Porgie by NoManIsAnIsland
Christie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Obstructed a bridge making Ft. Lee cry.
When all hell broke lose and people yelled “Nay,”
Christie Porgie turned tail and ran away!

Chris Be Nimble by Adlib
Chris, be nimble,
Chris, be quick,
Chris, jump over
The Bridgegate stick.
Chris jumped slow
Chris jumped fast
Chris fell down
and broke his ass.

Baa Baa Gov. Black Sheep by NoManIsAnIsland
Baa baa Gov. Christie, have you any bullion?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!
One for the judge, one for the jury,
And one for the populace, all screaming in fury!

There was a Very Crooked Manby Adlib
There was a crooked man, and he blocked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked fallguy within a crooked pile;
He bought a crooked guise which hid a crooked louse,
And he lied like a carpet in his little crooked house.

The Chris and the Fiddle by NoManIsAnIsland
Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,
Chris Christie jumped over the moon.
That’s all there is –
No one could believe he did it!

Your turn! Please feel free to add your own in comments below!

36
Leave a Comment

Please Login to comment
10 Comment threads
26 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
6 Comment authors
KillgoreTroutchoiceladypinkpantherozNoManIsAnIslandAdLib Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

A lesson, unparodied, Chris Christie never learned:

THE CLOCK

There’s a neat little clock,
In the schoolroom it stands,
And it points to the time
With its two little hands.

And may we, like the clock,
Keep a face clean and bright,
With hands ever ready
To do what is right.

NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

AWAY, CHRISTIE, AWAY

Away, Christie, away!
Take a lot and leave very little,
And do not come again;
For if you do,
It will be your rue,
And there will be an end of you!

pinkpantheroz
Member

All of you familiar with a certain Gilbert and Sullivan song, please warble along with me on this!

Christie’s the very model of a corrupt politician,
Who bullies lesser minions till they acceed to his derisions,
He’s as subtle in his actions as an old Panzer Division,
And he’ll screw you till your eyes pop out
To go with his decisions.

He’ll hold back funds, blockade good runs,
And other things contemptible
But justice now is on the way,
In Orange quite presentable.
New Jersey is aquiver with the chance he’ll be indicted
And it couldn’t happen better to this cretin unrequited.

KillgoreTrout
Member

Great one PPO.

NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

BRAVA, PPO!!!!

KillgoreTrout
Member

Here’s another version of Hickory, Dickory, Dock.

Trickery, Slickery, Mocked
The bridge four days was blocked
The Gov was caught
His scheme for naught
Trickery, Slickery, Mocked.

pinkpantheroz
Member

Grand, KT! Brilliant!

pinkpantheroz
Member

Yes, I know I don’t have enough to do! But:

Ding, dong, bell,
Christie’s goin’ to hell.

Who’ll put him there?
Peeps no longer Scared.

Who might get him out out?
No one now, No Clout!.

What a naughty boy was he,
To try to bully New Jersey,

Who got sucked in by all his charm,
But now can’t stand his blubbery smarm!.

NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

Crash hot, PPO — and fair dinkum, too!

KillgoreTrout
Member

OK, I’ll give this a shot.

BIGGEST GOV CHRISTIE

Biggest Gov Christie
Sat on a secret,
Hiding his words and prayed.
Along came a scandal
That sat down beside him
And slightened Gov Christies’s sway.

NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

Spot on, KT, and full disclosure: I wanted to do “Little
Miss Muffet,” too, but couldn’t pull it off!

Kalima
Admin

Nice one KT!

pinkpantheroz
Member

A big Thumbs Up for that one, KT!

choicelady
Member

Huzzah! All sterling entries and contributions to the wild world of political satire! Although these are words, Thomas Nast would be SO proud.

Coming as I do from a city that honed corruption to its finest – Buffalo, NY – without actually attracting much notice (it IS Buffalo) these bits of political doggerel are right up there with those about our Native Son Grover Cleveland who apparently spawned a child out of wedlock while he was IN wedlock with someone else. The chant that often greeted him was

“Ma! Ma! Where’s my Pa?
“Went to the White House, hah, hah, hah!”

I think we have been long overdue for such bits of folk humor, and kudos to all who contributed. You are keeping a fine and (ig)noble populist tradition alive! Thank you!

pinkpantheroz
Member

Very proud to be included in this august gathering, Adlib. Well, there may not be a ‘once upon a time in New Jersey’ fable, but let’s give it a go:

There was a fat guy from NJ
Whose girth caused a big bridge to sway
He jammed it up tight
And try as they might,
They just couldn’t tow him away

Kalima
Admin

Wickedly wonderful, ppo. 😆

choicelady
Member

Well done, PPO!!!

Kalima
Admin

I’m honoured, Mr. AdLib. 😳

As Sophocles says:

“A lie never lives to be old”.

Well done NoMan!!

NoManIsAnIsland
Member
NoManIsAnIsland

O-M-G….THANK YOU, AdLib AND Kalima!

To say I’m overwhelmed would be an understatement; and for once I’m rendered rhymeless!

I can’t wait to see to see the rhymes your clever posters will add to our collection. If you receive enough of them, perhaps you can publish them; and with the money raised…

After Humpty-Christie’s indicted,
We can make his bail —
We should do so without fail!

😉