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AdLib On February - 6 - 2014

Christie Pres

Right now there may be storms of allegations swirling around New Jersey governor and ex-Jabba The Hutt impersonator Chris Christie but the American public has proven again and again that it likes to give second chances to those who may have done the wrong thing…or at least prove that they have the long term memory of a hamster.

So, as much of a pounding that Christie is taking in the polls (and anyone who’s taken a pounding in their poll knows how painful that can be), it’s far too early to count him out as a contender for the Republican nomination for the Presidency in 2016…in fact, since it is the GOP nomination we’re talking about, it’s too early to count out any Bigfoot Truthers, circus sideshow performers, or Nazi reenactment enthusiasts.

If he did become President, after declaring that his first act in office would be ordering the National Guard to install defrosters in Hell (and insisting that Hell freezing over wasn’t caused by human activity), who would he nominate to be in his cabinet?

Thanks to PlanetPOV’s hard earned relationships with informers in organized crime, we have a direct pipeline into the Christie inner circle and have received a copy of his list of top picks for cabinet positions if he was to be elected or extorted into the White House.

MY FIRST CHOICE FOR WHITE HOUSE CABINET POSITIONS

BY

CHRIS CHRISTIE

  • Chief of Staff: Bob McDonnell
  • Secretary of State: Edward Snowden
  • Attorney General: Whitey Bulger
  • Secretary of the Treasury: Bernie Madoff
  • Secretary of Defense: George Zimmerman
  • Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dick Cheney
  • Secretary of the Interior: Freedom Industries President Gary Southern
  • Secretary of Transportation: David Wildstein
  • Secretary  of Education: Sarah Palin
  • Secretary of Homeland Security: Vinnie No-Nose

We hope to get our hands on his top picks for the Supreme Court soon but we have heard that Miley Cyrus is at the top of his list.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

48 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. NoManIsAnIsland says:

    Baa baa Gov. Christie, have you any bullion?
    Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!
    One for the judge, one for the jury,
    And one for the populace, all screaming in fury!

    See, AdLib, what did I tell you!

  2. NoManIsAnIsland says:

    Good morning, AdLib,
    I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I can stop myself!

    Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,
    Chris Christie jumped over the moon.
    That’s all there is —
    No one could believe he did it!

  3. funksands says:

    Drug Czar -- Trey Radel
    Secretary of Housing and Urban Development -- Paul Bremer
    FAA Head -- Larry Craig

  4. pinkpantheroz says:

    Here’s my one for the road:

    Hickory Dickory Dock,
    Christie has run out his clock
    Like bullies galore
    He’s no more than a whore
    And he’s in for a terrible Shock!

  5. Kalima says:

    One for the road.

    Not so little Chris-Peep has lost much sleep,

    And doesn’t know who to bribe to find it;

    Now alone, he soon won’t have a home,

    As he’ll be dragging his scandals behind him.

  6. Fergie1 says:

    Secretary of Science and Technology: Michelle Bachmann

    “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” -Rep. Michelle Bachmann

    Or Secretary for Job Creation:
    “If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” -Michele Bachmann,

  7. pinkpantheroz says:

    A Tour de Force, AdLib! Nirek and KT -- awesome! I’ll now have to dig deep to probably vainly match any of it.

    Oh, what have you done, Dear Ol’ Chris,
    You’ve given New Jersey the piss,
    The Gopers can’t figure
    Whose ego is bigger
    And you say, ‘My Ass you can kiss”!

  8. Kalima says:

    Secretary of Education-Sarah Palin 😆 😆 😆

    Let’s make up new positions/posts, they make everything up anyway. How about Ted Cruz as “Secretary of Protocol, Government Shutdowns, and Gaudy Paisley Dressing Gowns”?

    Mitch McConnell as Minister of NO!, Turtleneck Sweaters, Pink Cheeks and Hemorrhoids.

  9. NoManIsAnIsland says:

    You’re welcome, AdLib, and thank you!

    I like the idea of the whole new thread of Chris Christie’s Nursery Rhymes. You’ve certainly gotten it off to a good start, too. I don’t
    know how many posters we can get to join us, but at the least it should be a boost to our still faltering economy as legions of entrants will empty bookstore shelves of nursery rhymes to alter and transmogrify their contents at Christie’s expense!

    Don’t overanalyze this; but if you decide to start the new thread, I might be able to give the succeeding three verses more punch!:

    Chris Spratt ate way too much fat,
    His wife, too, abhorred the lean.
    And so betwixt the ONE of them,
    He vented too much spleen!

    • AdLib says:

      😆 Love the “vented too much spleen”! Okay, I’m sold, I’ll post a Christie Nursery Rhymes article next week and include all the ones here but invite everyone to join in with their own.

      • NoManIsAnIsland says:

        Wow, wow, WOW, AdLib. I don’t want to be a hog, so I can shut down now or…

        …Give you some more.
        But while you decide,
        Here’s an encore!

        Christie Porgie, pudding and pie,
        Obstructed a bridge making Ft. Lee cry.
        When all hell broke lose and people yelled “Nay,”
        Christie Porgie turned tail and ran away!

        • AdLib says:

          Really funny, NoMan! Okay, my last one because I won’t have any new ones to add to the post…

          Christie had a little scam
          Little scam
          Little scam
          Christie had a little scam
          His sleaze was wide and low

          This is quite fun!

          • NoManIsAnIsland says:

            Thanks, AdLib! It is quite fun, and
            you’re really putting me to the
            test.

            This may or may not be my last
            one for the night; I may crank
            more out later — you have my
            leave not to post ALL of them
            next week! 😉

            Hush a bye Christie, on the tree top.
            When the facts flow, his cred will rock;
            When the case blows, his cred will pall,
            And down will come Christie — all of Him,
            all!

  10. Great idea for a satirical piece Ad. Oh the possiblities for a Christie cabinet. 😉

  11. Nirek says:

    Ad, “…or at least prove that they have the long term memory of a hamster.”
    Which long term memory is longer a hamster or gold fish?

    Sarah Palin as Education Sec. = TOO funny!

    You should write for Stewart.

  12. Carmen says:

    Secretary of State Edward Snowden has a certain ring to it, but George Zimmerman as Secretary of Defense and Sarah Palin as Secretary of Education might just put him over the top in gopee circles.

  13. NoManIsAnIsland says:

    Hi, AdLib!

    Very astute analysis, as one would expect from you. And your list
    of possible Christie Cabinet appointees comes close to rivaling the
    low-lifes and convicted felons of the Nixon and Reagan Cabinets!

    Far be it for me to cast a pall on your predictions, but — if I may
    say it in verse — Christie may not even be able to extort his way
    into the presidency:

    Humpty-Christie was having a ball,
    But Humpty-Christie may be in for a fall.
    All the GOP’s forces and all the GOP’s henchmen
    Won’t be able to put Humpty-Christie together again!

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks NoMan!

      Nice one and that would make a great idea for a whole new thread, Chris Christie’s Nursery Rhymes. How about…

      Chris Christie went up the hill
      To find a path to White House
      Chris fell down and broke his crown
      And Feds came tumbling after.


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