Gold Hat Issa

A string of movie titles come to mind when thinking about today’s Tea Party GOP. Psycho, Saboteur, Freaks and of course, Dumb and Dumber. But imagine how famous movie quotes could be or feel different if today’s Republicans had starred in classic films instead of their actual stars.

With a big hat tip to Kalima for inspiring this post, here is a collection of famous movie quotes that come from that alternate reality, where Republicans really did follow in Ronald Reagan’s footsteps…as actors. We begin with two selections from Kalima:

Casablanca – Starring Ted Cruz: “We’ll always have Benghazi.”

On the Waterfront – Starring John Boehner: “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am”.

Gone With the Wind – Starring Chris Christie as Scarlet O’Hara: “If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre – Co-Starring Darrell Issa as Gold Hat (the bandit leader): “Evidence? We ain’t got no evidence. We don’t need no evidence. I don’t have to show you any stinking evidence.”

The Godfather – Starring Mitch McConnell as Vito Corleone: “I’m going to not make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

Titanic – Starring Rupert Murdoch: “I’m king of the world!”

Psycho– Starring Lindsay Graham: “Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother.” Or, starring Louis Gohmert: “We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?”

Dr. Strangelove – Co-starring Rand Paul as President Merkin Muffley: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.”

Wall Street – Starring Mitt Romney: “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

Jaws – Starring Rush Limbaugh: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”

Star Wars – Co-starring Karl Rove as Darth Vader: “Evacuate the Fox News election desk in our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”

Love Story – Starring the Koch brothers: “Plutocracy means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Apocalypse Now – Co-starring John McCain: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

Citizen Kane: Starring Dick Cheney: “Don’t worry about me! I’m Richard Bruce Cheney! I’m no cheap, crooked politician, trying to save himself from the consequences of his crimes!”

A  Few Good Men – Starring Reince Priebus: “We can’t handle the truth!”

The Sixth Sense – Starring Michele Bachmann: “I see brain dead people.”

TCM is totally going to sue me for this.

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MarshRabbit
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MarshRabbit

Announcing the long-awaited sequel, The Great Depression, Part II, with George Bush starring as Herbert Hoover, Barack Obama as Franklin Roosevelt, Ben Bernanke as John Maynard Keynes, and introducing Elizabeth Warren as Huey Long.

pinkpantheroz
Member

Hilarious!

Here’s a couple:

Mitt Romney as Dirty Harry: ‘A Man’s gotta know his limitations”

JOHN McCain as the sheriff in ‘cool hand luke” about Sarah Palin: ‘ What we got here is _ failure t” communicate’!

rambot02
Member
rambot02

“We’re going to need a bigger Cayman Island registered yacht.”
~~ Mitt “Capt. Quint” Romney

KillgoreTrout
Member

Glenn Beck as Lonesome Rhodes in A Face In The Crowd;

“This whole country is just like my flock of sheep. Rednecks, crackers, hillbillies, house fraus, shut-ins and pea pickers! They’re mine, I own them. They think like I do, only they’re more stupid than I am, so I gotta think for em!”

KillgoreTrout
Member

Christine O’Donnell in the Blair Witch Project;

Non speaking part.

rambot02
Member
rambot02

Non thinking part.

KillgoreTrout
Member

LOL! True dat! Well, it’s fundamentalist thinking, which equals the same thing.

Welcome to the Planet, rambot02. Good to see you here.

rambot02
Member
rambot02

Thanks for laying out such a nice welcome mat. Now if only my avie will come up. It appears in the recent comments column to the right, but still isn’t posting here. Go figure.

KillgoreTrout
Member

It will show up. Sometimes it takes several hours for it to show in your actual comment box.

KillgoreTrout
Member

Mitt Romney as Doc Holiday in Tombstone;

“It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds!”

KillgoreTrout
Member

Newt Gingrich in Apollo 13;

RNC? We have a problem!

Quick Brown Dog
Member
Quick Brown Dog

(Poster tagline)

Rick Perry in Apollo 13

“Houston, YOU have a problem.”

KillgoreTrout
Member

Touche QBD! Huston certainly does have a problem with Perry. They just can’t see it though. An internal explosion still awaits them.

AlphaBitch
Member
AlphaBitch

Ooh, ooh! Can I play? I am trying to remember how to bold my film title, so excuse me if I make some mistake and it comes out like “Ted Cruz is a NUT” or something like that:

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: Obama as McMurphy: “Which one of you nuts has got any guts?”

EDIT: Don’t remember. Sorry!

Nirek
Member

How about the Wizard of Oz, starring that “cowardly lion” John Boehner, “Hell NO we won’t do that it might do some good” and the “Brainless scarecrow” Ted Cruz,”1+2= $24 billion”, and the heartless “Tin Man” Paul Ryan “cut Social Security and veterans benefits and give a tax break to the rich”

We also have Dorothy played by Sarah Palin, “I can see Oz from my back porch”.

Sarah plays a second role as the Wicked Witch of the West.

And we have the beautiful Glenda (The Good Witch) played by Hillary Clinton.

Quick Brown Dog
Member
Quick Brown Dog

No, no — Michele Bachmann Turn-Her Overdrive simply HAS TO BE in the Margaret Hamilton role! Or maybe the Witch of the East? With those fabulous boots and stockings (as Dizzy Ms. Lizzie Graham might say). But who, pray tell, could be the Witch of the West? The witches have to be jealous somehow. Jealous, and catty, and — oh, here’s my take on it…

[to Malia and Sasha, in a vision in the crystal ball, seen frolicking innocently and sweetly with Bo at the White House]

Michele Bachmann, aka The Wicked Witch of the Twin Cities:

I’LL GET YOU, MY PRETTIES! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!

Suddenly, the White House gets swept up in a tornado and lands on the witch as she steps outside her castle door. The viewer sees Bachmann’s legs roll underneath, granny heels and all. Dark clouds roll away, revealing sunshine, the happy chirps of bluebirds, and a marvelous, vibrant rainbow arching over what was once the house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

(VO) President Obama:

The witch is dead? No, I — I had no idea! I mean, I heard about this the same time you guys did!

[graphical flourish: FOX NEWS ALERT]

Megyn Kelly, aka the Wicked Witch of the Avenue of the Americas:

This is a FOX NEWS ALERT. A group of radical, far-left union protesters known as the Lollipop Guild has just released a statement: “Ding-dong, the witch is dead.” Fox News has been able to confirm that the so-called “witch” they appear to be referring to, is — none other than esteemed former Minnesota congresswoman and Fox News contributor, Michele Bachmann, who sustained severe injuries after a freak tornado swept up the White House and crash-landed it all the way in the mysterious, faraway land of Oz.

Representatives for the group are also saying, that they are now welcoming the arrival of the so-called, “Good Witch of the North Side.” Fox News now able to confirm video feed of the crash site, and — oh, will you look at that.

Michelle Obama.

Hm. Well, that’s a bit of an error on their part, wouldn’t you say? I mean, everybody knows that the good witch is WHITE. She just is, mmmkay? And just because a bunch of munchkins, in the — the Lullaby League or the Lollygag Band or the Loop-de-Loop N.G.O. or whatever dimwitted union gangbanger group these circus midgets are in — just because they don’t like that fact, doesn’t make it NOT TRUE!

Fox News now showing you live video feed of — well, there they are. The first brats — er, daughters, Malia and Sasha Obama — and their slime-eating mutt, Bo Diddley Squat.

Oh, and will you look at that: Bo Diddley, he just did a — haha — “squat.” ‘Course, it was right on — can we get closer? Zoom? — yes, it looks like, what appears to be the tiniest bit of Congresswoman Bachmann’s shoe. Disrespectful little rat, and those two little Destiny’s Child wannabes.

I’ll get you, my pretties… and your little dog, too! You hear me? The good witch… is… WHITE!

kesmarn
Admin

No guts. No brains. No heart. Yup. That about sums it up, Nirek.

KillgoreTrout
Member

Michele Bachmann as Tommy in Goodfellows;

“I amuse you? I’m here to amuse you…?” “Funny how? How am I funny?”

Kalima
Admin

😆

Kalima
Admin

Paul Ryan as Gollum after losing his infamous stinker of a budget bill in a cave.

“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Democratic hobbitses”. Lord of the Rings

Dick Cheney:

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti”. The Silence of the Lambs

Mitt Romney:

“Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Flipper”. Knute Rockne All American

John McCain:

“Surely you can’t be serious”.

Lindy Graham:

“I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley”. Airplane!

kesmarn
Admin

These are brilliant! I’m still laughing about: “We’ll always have Benghazi.” 😆

Kalima
Admin

Warms this heart of mine to know that I made you laugh, kes. 🙂

kesmarn
Admin

…As you so often do, Kalima! 😉

Kalima
Admin

😳

KillgoreTrout
Member

LOL, pretty good one Kalima. I really like the Lord of the Rings one.

Kalima
Admin

Hi KT, I laughed out loud at your Sarah Palin one too. 😆

KillgoreTrout
Member

Sarah Palin as Norman Bate’s mother in Psycho;

“Oh no you don’t Norman, you’re not going to put me in the fruit cellar.”

Rick Perry as Lenny in Of Mice and Men;

Tell me about the rabbit, tell me about the rabbit!”

kesmarn
Admin

😆 😆 😆

Those are terrific, KT. Especially the Sarah Palin one!

Kalima
Admin

Brilliant choices AdLib. Hilarious!

Can I offer three more?

Mitch McConnell:

“Open the pod bay doors, RYAN”. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Ted Cruz:

“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up” Sunset Blvd

President Obama to the Tea Party:

“They call me Mister Tibbs!” In the Heat of the Night

kesmarn
Admin

Wonderful, AdLib!

How about Paul Ryan as Mr. Potter in “It’s a Wonderful Life” on assistance to the poor?

“What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class.”

And then there’s John Boehner as the guy described by Uncle John in “Grapes of Wrath”:

“He’s tellin’ the truth…the truth for him.”

Of course any of Rush Limbaugh or Newt Gingrich’s wives would identify with this quote from “Of Human Bondage”:

“You cad, you dirty swine! I never cared for you, not once! I was always makin’ a fool of ya! Ya bored me stiff; I hated ya! It made me SICK when I had to let ya kiss me. I only did it because ya begged me, ya hounded me and drove me crazy! And after ya kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth! WIPE MY MOUTH!”

KillgoreTrout
Member

kes, the Paul Ryan line is perfect.