A string of movie titles come to mind when thinking about today’s Tea Party GOP. Psycho, Saboteur, Freaks and of course, Dumb and Dumber. But imagine how famous movie quotes could be or feel different if today’s Republicans had starred in classic films instead of their actual stars.
With a big hat tip to Kalima for inspiring this post, here is a collection of famous movie quotes that come from that alternate reality, where Republicans really did follow in Ronald Reagan’s footsteps…as actors. We begin with two selections from Kalima:
Casablanca – Starring Ted Cruz: “We’ll always have Benghazi.”
On the Waterfront – Starring John Boehner: “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am”.
Gone With the Wind – Starring Chris Christie as Scarlet O’Hara: “If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre – Co-Starring Darrell Issa as Gold Hat (the bandit leader): “Evidence? We ain’t got no evidence. We don’t need no evidence. I don’t have to show you any stinking evidence.”
The Godfather – Starring Mitch McConnell as Vito Corleone: “I’m going to not make him an offer he can’t refuse.”
Titanic – Starring Rupert Murdoch: “I’m king of the world!”
Psycho– Starring Lindsay Graham: “Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother.” Or, starring Louis Gohmert: “We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?”
Dr. Strangelove – Co-starring Rand Paul as President Merkin Muffley: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.”
Wall Street – Starring Mitt Romney: “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”
Jaws – Starring Rush Limbaugh: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”
Star Wars – Co-starring Karl Rove as Darth Vader: “Evacuate the Fox News election desk in our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”
Love Story – Starring the Koch brothers: “Plutocracy means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Apocalypse Now – Co-starring John McCain: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”
Citizen Kane: Starring Dick Cheney: “Don’t worry about me! I’m Richard Bruce Cheney! I’m no cheap, crooked politician, trying to save himself from the consequences of his crimes!”
A Few Good Men – Starring Reince Priebus: “We can’t handle the truth!”
The Sixth Sense – Starring Michele Bachmann: “I see brain dead people.”
TCM is totally going to sue me for this.
Announcing the long-awaited sequel, The Great Depression, Part II, with George Bush starring as Herbert Hoover, Barack Obama as Franklin Roosevelt, Ben Bernanke as John Maynard Keynes, and introducing Elizabeth Warren as Huey Long.
Hey MarshRabbit, sounds like a real blockbuster…a city block buster.
Hilarious!
Here’s a couple:
Mitt Romney as Dirty Harry: ‘A Man’s gotta know his limitations”
JOHN McCain as the sheriff in ‘cool hand luke” about Sarah Palin: ‘ What we got here is _ failure t” communicate’!
“We’re going to need a bigger Cayman Island registered yacht.”
~~ Mitt “Capt. Quint” Romney
Glenn Beck as Lonesome Rhodes in A Face In The Crowd;
“This whole country is just like my flock of sheep. Rednecks, crackers, hillbillies, house fraus, shut-ins and pea pickers! They’re mine, I own them. They think like I do, only they’re more stupid than I am, so I gotta think for em!”
Christine O’Donnell in the Blair Witch Project;
Non speaking part.
Non thinking part.
LOL! True dat! Well, it’s fundamentalist thinking, which equals the same thing.
Welcome to the Planet, rambot02. Good to see you here.
Thanks for laying out such a nice welcome mat. Now if only my avie will come up. It appears in the recent comments column to the right, but still isn’t posting here. Go figure.
It will show up. Sometimes it takes several hours for it to show in your actual comment box.
Mitt Romney as Doc Holiday in Tombstone;
“It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds!”
Newt Gingrich in Apollo 13;
RNC? We have a problem!
(Poster tagline)
Rick Perry in Apollo 13
“Houston, YOU have a problem.”
Touche QBD! Huston certainly does have a problem with Perry. They just can’t see it though. An internal explosion still awaits them.
Ooh, ooh! Can I play? I am trying to remember how to bold my film title, so excuse me if I make some mistake and it comes out like “Ted Cruz is a NUT” or something like that:
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: Obama as McMurphy: “Which one of you nuts has got any guts?”
EDIT: Don’t remember. Sorry!
Good one, AB! it actually seems like the whole Tea Party movement is a remake of Cuckoo’s Nest. With Sarah Palin as Nurse Ratched, Americans as McMurphy and Obama fittingly as Chief.
How about the Wizard of Oz, starring that “cowardly lion” John Boehner, “Hell NO we won’t do that it might do some good” and the “Brainless scarecrow” Ted Cruz,”1+2= $24 billion”, and the heartless “Tin Man” Paul Ryan “cut Social Security and veterans benefits and give a tax break to the rich”
We also have Dorothy played by Sarah Palin, “I can see Oz from my back porch”.
Sarah plays a second role as the Wicked Witch of the West.
And we have the beautiful Glenda (The Good Witch) played by Hillary Clinton.
No guts. No brains. No heart. Yup. That about sums it up, Nirek.
No, no — Michele Bachmann Turn-Her Overdrive simply HAS TO BE in the Margaret Hamilton role! Or maybe the Witch of the East? With those fabulous boots and stockings (as Dizzy Ms. Lizzie Graham might say). But who, pray tell, could be the Witch of the West? The witches have to be jealous somehow. Jealous, and catty, and — oh, here’s my take on it…
[to Malia and Sasha, in a vision in the crystal ball, seen frolicking innocently and sweetly with Bo at the White House]
Michele Bachmann, aka The Wicked Witch of the Twin Cities:
Suddenly, the White House gets swept up in a tornado and lands on the witch as she steps outside her castle door. The viewer sees Bachmann’s legs roll underneath, granny heels and all. Dark clouds roll away, revealing sunshine, the happy chirps of bluebirds, and a marvelous, vibrant rainbow arching over what was once the house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
(VO) President Obama:
[graphical flourish: FOX NEWS ALERT]
Megyn Kelly, aka the Wicked Witch of the Avenue of the Americas:
Michele Bachmann as Tommy in Goodfellows;
“I amuse you? I’m here to amuse you…?” “Funny how? How am I funny?”
😆
KT, man, how could I leave that one out?! Perfect!!!
It was a choice between Palin and Bachmann. They’re both comedy gold.
… and interchangeable!
Kinda like Lego characters whose heads can be easily replaced.
Except that Lego characters are more “flexible” and open to change.
Paul Ryan as Gollum after losing his infamous stinker of a budget bill in a cave.
“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Democratic hobbitses”. Lord of the Rings
Dick Cheney:
“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti”. The Silence of the Lambs
Mitt Romney:
“Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Flipper”. Knute Rockne All American
John McCain:
“Surely you can’t be serious”.
Lindy Graham:
“I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley”. Airplane!
LOL, pretty good one Kalima. I really like the Lord of the Rings one.
Hi KT, I laughed out loud at your Sarah Palin one too. 😆
😆 Kalima, you are great at this, each one made me chuckle!
Hey, you’re my inspiration and you always make me laugh so fair’s fair.
These are brilliant! I’m still laughing about: “We’ll always have Benghazi.” 😆
Warms this heart of mine to know that I made you laugh, kes. 🙂
…As you so often do, Kalima! 😉
😳
Sarah Palin as Norman Bate’s mother in Psycho;
“Oh no you don’t Norman, you’re not going to put me in the fruit cellar.”
Rick Perry as Lenny in Of Mice and Men;
Tell me about the rabbit, tell me about the rabbit!”
😆 😆 😆
Those are terrific, KT. Especially the Sarah Palin one!
KT, too funny! Love both!
BTW, anyone notice whose face is in the image above?
I was wondering who that might be.
The “Subpoena” punk, Darrell Issa?
Yep, that’s Darrell Issa as described in my post as the bandit leader, Gold Hat in Treasure of the Sierra Madre
You win an autographed copy!
It turned out better than I thought it would, didn’t know if folks would recognize him!
Ok. An autographed copy of what? Please don’t let it be his ugly face.
That’s the first time anyone has ever called me “folks”, I feel like one of the “guys” now. 😀
Brilliant choices AdLib. Hilarious!
Can I offer three more?
Mitch McConnell:
“Open the pod bay doors, RYAN”. 2001: A Space Odyssey
Ted Cruz:
“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up” Sunset Blvd
President Obama to the Tea Party:
“They call me Mister Tibbs!” In the Heat of the Night
Thanks Kalima, your choices I shared in the post and in this comment rock too!
Here’s a couple back at ya!
If Ted Cruz co-starred in Dr. Strangelove:
“Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even of his own. For this reason men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or in strength. He may even appear in the form of our own troops. But however we must stop him.”
If Rick Santorum was in Ghostbusters:
“This country is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!”
😆 Perfect! Two Looney Tunes for the price of one.
[Ted Cruz channels his inner, uh, Madison. Not James, of course.]
[President Obama airs his response.]
Wonderful, AdLib!
How about Paul Ryan as Mr. Potter in “It’s a Wonderful Life” on assistance to the poor?
“What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class.”
And then there’s John Boehner as the guy described by Uncle John in “Grapes of Wrath”:
“He’s tellin’ the truth…the truth for him.”
Of course any of Rush Limbaugh or Newt Gingrich’s wives would identify with this quote from “Of Human Bondage”:
“You cad, you dirty swine! I never cared for you, not once! I was always makin’ a fool of ya! Ya bored me stiff; I hated ya! It made me SICK when I had to let ya kiss me. I only did it because ya begged me, ya hounded me and drove me crazy! And after ya kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth! WIPE MY MOUTH!”
Those are some fantastic picks, Kes! Especially loved the Rush/Newt Of Human Bondage quote!
Which reminds me, here’s Mr. Smith Goes to Washington if Rupert Murdoch co-starred in it:
“I’ll make public opinion out there within five hours! I’ve done it all my life. I’ll blacken this punk so that he’ll – You leave public opinion to me.”
If Barack Obama starred in it:
“You think I’m licked. You all think I’m licked. Well, I’m not licked. And I’m going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause. Even if the room gets filled with lies like these, and the Kochs and all their armies come marching into this place.”
And here’s if Elizabeth Warren starred in it:
“Just get up off the ground, that’s all I ask. Get up there with that lady that’s up on top of this Capitol dome, that lady that stands for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won’t just see scenery; you’ll see the whole parade of what Man’s carved out for himself, after centuries of fighting. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so’s he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That’s what you’d see. There’s no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or compromise with human liberties.
And, uh, if that’s what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we’d better get those boys’ camps started fast and see what the kids can do. And it’s not too late, because this country is bigger than the billionaires, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don’t get lost once they come to light. They’re right here; you just have to see them again!”
Ah, they don’t make movies like they used to.
Wow!!! Well done, AdLib! Those are totally perfect.
😀
kes, the Paul Ryan line is perfect.