The Three Stooges - GOP

GOP Chairman and professional rodeo clown, Reince Priebus, announced that the Republican National Committee will boycott NBC and CNN for their debates if they go forward with a planned miniseries and a documentary about Hillary Clinton. He also proclaimed that the GOP would ban itself from attending its own debates due to their supporting and financing Citizens United’s anti-Hillary Clinton film in 2008 that caused the Supreme Court ruling of the same name.

Priebus’ complaint is about the improper role of a news network in any way promoting a candidate or political party  (even if someone isn’t currently or hasn’t announced if they will be a candidate), he explained in his interview on Fox News, current or previous home to Republican Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee.

This puts NBC and CNN in a very difficult position. Do they allow a political hack and and an extremist party to take an GOP-elephant sized crap on the First Amendment and dictate to them what they can broadcast (a real selling point to giving the GOP the White House and control over the FCC) or do they ignore the threat and risk not being able to run episodes of the upcoming screwball comedy titled, “The 2016 GOP Presidential Debates”?

Fortunately, there is a solution. NBC and CNN should provide equal time to the GOP for movies based on their own prospective Presidential candidates. Here are some pitches for movies that the GOP should consider enlisting Citizens United to produce and request airtime for on NBC:

 

CRUZIN’ FOR A BRUISIN’

Ted Cruz plays a boxer who has an undefeated record but is disrespected by the public for having only fought shadows and poor minority children. When a blind elderly woman bumps into him at a supermarket, he realizes that this is opportunity to update his image and show America who he really is so he challenges her to a brutal showdown in the ring.

 

THE MOUNTAINHEAD

A meteor falls  to Earth in Rand Paul’s backyard and when he touches it, his head is transformed into solid stone (though it looks the same and no one can tell the difference). Despite all efforts, scientists and construction workers find they are unable to get through it. Using his new found power, Rand insists that a new America be built exactly as he’s designed it in a blueprint or he will destroy America by bludgeoning it with his unusually hardened head.

 

THE ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR (OF LUNACY)

Rick Perry is the governor of a huge southern state where women are treated as cattle and cattle are treated better than minorities. After signing a law that children will now play soccer using a handgun instead of a ball, Perry participates in a demonstration of the revised sport and is knocked out when he tries to slam an AK-47 into the goal with his head. When he awakes, he discovers that he has lost the ability to reason or remember anything, especially lists of three or more things which soon makes him a favorite to win the GOP nomination for President.

 

GROUNDHOG DAY – AGAIN

Jeb Bush visits a small town in New Hampshire and as he explores a run for the Presidency, discovers that each day he’s reliving the same rejection and animosity that his brother George inspired. Try as he might to escape it, he finds that no matter how he lies and manipulates to change the way people think of him, it’s the same story again and again.

 

PLAY CHRISTIE FOR ME

Chris Christie is a well known radio host and after having a one night stand with fans who are seemingly normal Tea Partiers,  he is stalked by them for dumping them. Obsessed with his destruction, they come after him with sharp knives then take his party hostage and threaten to kill it if he doesn’t love them as they want. Christie has to decide between giving in to their demands or giving into their demands.

 

Come on Republicans, one of these has got to work for you, just give one a green light and then as Republicans love to say, it’s, “Lights! Camera! Inaction!”

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SueInCa
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Adlib

Very good, but not quite as funny as some of your others and I do believe little Adlib is catching up to you. Just kidding, except for the part about Little Adlib. Great storylines but if it were me, it would go to the dark side. Knowing my interest and time spent in law enforcement activities and my love of James Patterson, mine would be about a person stalking each candidate and as they are hurt, one by one, the remaining candidates and RNC chairman go nutso(more so than normal) wondering if they will be next. Of course, no death is involved but a major hurt is put on each and every one. In the end, the perp is not discovered, paving the way for a sequel to really drive them nuts.

Phewwwww, my mind is already racing lol.

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AlphaBitch
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AlphaBitch

HA! Great job, AdLib. I know of a great AD named ChicaLib; you should get her to help you. Now if I only knew someone in films….

I think you know why they are doing this: it’s a win-win for them. Unless, of course, we laugh them off the planet (or Planet) for doing so, which your post helps make possible. Thanks – I’ll send link to all I know (that can appreciate it) and hope it goes viral!

Forget Remember the Alamo and Remember: Perry did not debate his much more likeable opponent, so no one saw how truly terrible Perry was.

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agrippa
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agrippa

I gave up on those people years ago. There are a few GOP politicians who have some sense. But, most of them I would not trust to go to the store to buy bread and milk.

I do not know if Clinton is thinking about running for President. But, it looks like the GOP leadership has decided to pick on her in order to help her decide that does not want to run.

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MurphTheSurf3
Editor

OK- the photo header is the funniest ever. How clever.

A serious observation. Why is the GOP presuming that any bio-pic involving Hillary will be complimentary. Given how the networks exist to draw in viewership I suspect that any expectation that the depiction of HC will be less than flattering at many points in the story. At its root this entire Priebus Drama is just another means to get his base energized by framing the media as the enemy creating a mythic Clinton. It does not matter what the content will be- it’s the idea of a Hillary picture that is in and of itself the core issue.

Another strategy at play here is the creation of a rationale for limiting GOP exposure to the unfriendly media. If Fox is the only safe place to play then make it appear that the other places are not worthy of GOP games.

Your script proposals are amusing. Let me add to the one for Groundhog Day. Just as Bill Murray broke the cycle in his film by a deep change in himself through a relationship, so Jeb could experience a similar transformation. In my rewrite, Bush keeps running into a bald old gentleman who keeps wanting to strike up a conversation with him but Bush brushed by him…but bit by bit he learns about the old man. Retired from the military; old time politican; and in conversation fragments begins to take in his message: Peace Through Understanding.

Of course, the Old Man is Ike who awakens in Bush a vision of the GOP as a part of moderate conservatives capable of being pro-business and the party of Southern reform.

PS…that actually was Ike’s Motto. President Eisenhower needed a coat of arms due to his being awarded the Order of the Elephant from the Danish royalty after the war, 1945. The coat of arms was not finished until after 1954 as indicated in the following document from the presidential archives. The motto was created as a result of interviews with the General after the war.

Document #851; April 27, 1954
Files, Coat of Arms Corr.

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Nirek
Member

Ad, you have a good imagination !
They seem like spoiled children ” I’m going to take my ball and go home if you don’t do what I want”.

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Kalima
Admin

Hi AdLib, absolutely perfect for these degenerates, brilliant theme, and thigh-slapping funny. 😆

Don’t have much time to spare for the computer, but will be back to read it again for another chuckle before my day ends when I hope to put my feet up.

See you soon and thanks as always.

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Ha! Another comedic gem. Kudos. Wouldn’t you really like to see these movies? They’d be a scream (of laughter or fright). Maybe a little of both. 😉

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Beatlex
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Beatlex

Funny stuff Ad Lib!…(‘-)

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funksands
Member

Ad, very funny. I especially liked “Groundhog Day-Again”. So true and so sad that Jeb still entertains Presidential ambitions.

How about the “Unborn Supremacy”? (Not mine, but I like it)

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