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AdLib On March - 30 - 2012

In the Supreme Court’s hearings this week on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act, a surprising variety of ridiculous and small minded thinking was put on display by some of the justices. Antonin Scalia who is for some reason described as an intellectual (just as Moon Unit Gingrich is…”intellectual” must be Republican for “crazy”), tried to argue that universal health care is a slippery slope to government enforced broccoli.

Now, any right wing brain-damaged ideologue would agree that the national health insurance market is identical to a supermarket in that each have the word “market” in them. Otherwise, for those of us not required to take anti-psychotic medication, the idea that having universal health insurance (as nearly all other western nations have) is comparable to or a slippery slope to a vegan tyranny, is quite insane. It would be fascinating to hear Scalia’s explanation of how European countries, Japan and other nations throughout the world have been able to provide health care to all while somehow avoiding the natural progression to broccogeddon.

Poor Samuel Alito, he had such high hopes for his inanity taking the gold medal for the Conclusion High Jump in this Special Session Olympics but Scalia’s years of petrifying his brain into a hard and impenetrable substance similar to a stale Abba Zabba bar, forced him to settle for the silver.

Alito did try his best though when he said:

“I don’t see the difference. You can get burial insurance. You can get health insurance. Most people are going to need health care. Everybody is going to be buried or cremated at some point. What’s the difference?”

His unreasoned question is hard to argue against…unless one has a high school education or better (i.e. “elitist”). As Alito points out, the burial industry, like the health insurance industry, is a crucial part of our economy and its rapidly rising costs are responsible for plunging the nation into trillions in deficits and endangering the nation’s future.

I can’t tell you how many people have been bankrupted and have lost their homes having to pay for their own sudden burial and the ongoing costs of remaining dead which could grow into hundreds of thousands and even millions of dollars. Really, I can’t tell you.

In fact, the argument Alito advances, that the burial industry could be bankrupted by people only paying for burials AFTER they die, does hold water…like the Titanic. Using Alito’s logic, if universal health care was upheld, then wouldn’t government have the power to insist that burials be paid for by people who are alive so that those who have been more responsible and died first, don’t have to deal with higher burial costs on top of being dead?

Samuel Alito isn’t taking his loss to Scalia on moronic rationalizing lying down. In fact, anticipating that the US may eventually pass an Affordable Casket Act, he has invested in his own new startup, “Caskets R’ Us!”.

Putting a fresh spin on the burial business, Alito’s Caskets R Us creates custom caskets for the deceased, in the shapes of objects most associated with the deceased. Here are a few samples from their brochure that use well known Republican figures as potential clients:


Rush Limbaugh’s Casket

Mitt Romney’s Casket



 Antonin Scalia’s Casket



The Koch Brothers’ Caskets



John Boehner’s Casket

If you have any casket suggestions, Sam Alito and Caskets R Us invite you to post them below and you’ll be entered in a drawing for your own custom casket (free custom casket certificate expires in 90 days so act now!).

(BTW, props or blame go to Chernynkaya for encouraging me to write this post!)

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

77 Responses so far.

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  1. jjgravitas says:

    “Supreme” Court? More like “Extreme” Court! Seriously though, I think you’ve hit on something. If you think the medical industry has blown itself way out of proportion, look at the funeral industry. How much does it really cost to dig a hole and bury a dead guy in the ground. If you have your own plot of land, then nothing, right? But thanks to our privatized funeral industry, burying one dead guy costs thousands — for the embalming, the fancy coffin, the burial lot, the headstone. Cremation is simpler, more economical and the result can take up no space at all, unless you yearn for the urn. Universal Burial Care! Now there’s something I think we should all get behind. The funeral industry wouldn’t like it. But it makes perfect sense that care for the departed (“death care”?) should be handled by the state, i.e. the “community”, and not expect that it be left completely up to individuals. In the case of wrongful death, it could sync up seamlessly with law enforcement as they have to deal with murder victims and other victims of death by misadventure.

  2. jjgravitas says:

    Harry Nilsson -- I’d Rather Be Dead

  3. Wilburrr says:


    Sean Hannity

  4. Kudos AdLib another masterpiece putting the absurdity of conservative wrongheadedness on parade.

    You can bury the wit and wisdom of you basic reactionary conservative in a nanotube or buckyball. Their world view is that small and petty.

    ” alt=”casket” />

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks KQ!

      Love the Nanoball! There would also be room left in it to include the RW’s compassion, honesty, vision, racial and religious tolerance and scientific understanding and still leave it half empty.

  5. Romney again;


  6. Definitely Romney;


    Too obvious? A giant flip flop?

  7. SallyT says:

    Okay, Cher, I am not even going to try to get a picture of how I think Carl Rove should be buried. I say he should be inserted as a suppository up an elephant’s ass. But, I am sure the elephant would reject it.

  8. Chernynkaya says:

    ” alt=”img” />

    • KO’s kill the bill rant was the time when I lost all respect for him.

      Now KO said he’s going to sue Al Gore and Current TV. Great so Current TV will have millions less to purchase and broadcast their invaluable progressive documentaries and other programming all because of KO’s legendary massive ego.

      KO says he’s going to expose ‘the truth’ about Al Gore and Current TV. Well I’ll exposed the ‘the truth’ about Olberman. KO is the epitome of severely narcissistic pundits on the left that are simply a mirror image of pundits on the right.

      • AdLib says:

        KQ, I think the threat of a suit is just bluster, KO is damaged enough already, suing an employer won’t exactly help him convince another employer to take him on. And he has no grounds, he played temperamental brat and refused, for $10 million, to cover the critical elections in 2012.

        I soured on KO as well, especially after his attacks on Obama from a purist position and his hysteria in attacking Fox. His attack on Deaniac at The People’s View was the last straw for me and I stopped watching him permanently after that.

        Where does the egocentric KO go now? Is CNN crazy enough to let him in the door? Maybe, otherwise, look out GBTV, KOTV may be side by side with Glenn Beck in the webcasting comedown.

        • Maybe but of course the assumption is that KO is reasonable in these matters which is a big assumption.

          Deaniac is one of my favorite bloggers because he’s pragmatic and reasonable. His recent series of articles on the ACA SCOTUS hearings we’re brilliant and hit on many issues we talked about and brought up some other great point.

          Deaniac had a great point about what Current TV is trying to do in his article on KO’s firing.

          I thank Current for seeming to recognize that the Left doesn’t need our own Fox; we need good, intrepid and fact-based journalism. We need not an aversion of principled compromise, but the courage to explain compromises necessary for governing and making progress. I celebrate this openness on the part of Current. There is no doubt that firing Keith Olbermann is the first step to restoring Current’s status as a progressive channel that works for progressives who want to get things done and move our country forward rather than just giving fodder to those who prefer ideological warfare instead

          I changed my opinion on this. At one time I wanted an ideological counter to Faux News but it actually has made things worse. I would much rather have the 4th estate back where it was.


          As far as KO’s future. Fuck him, there is nothing worse to me than someone who get’s great opportunities and blows them because of their selfishness. I don’t even see where radio will pick him up because there is not much progressive radio out there anyway.

    • SallyT says:

      Cher, that is cracking me up!! 😆 😆 😆 😆

      • Chernynkaya says:

        HAH! Because it’s blank?

        • SallyT says:

          No! I clicked the link. I have been having the same problem with picture myself today. I would never laugh about that. 😉

          • Chernynkaya says:

            But that’s why I thought it was even funnier than the casket. But then, when I trip and fall I laugh so hard I can’t get up! If some ELSE trips, I just about need a defibrillator I laugh so hard.

            (I’m laughing right now just picturing falling!)

            • Chernynkaya says:

              Sally, you CAN laugh long and hard if I trip and fall--nothing funnier! I especially love it when one’s arms start windmilling right before the fall.

            • SallyT says:

              Oh, I would laugh if you fell! 😆

  9. Chernynkaya says:

    Oh dear--found Keith Olbermann’s casket:

  10. Herman Caine for sure;


  11. SallyT says:

    Well, since BMW has recalled 367,000 cars in the US, I say we bury Scott Walker in one.


  12. McCain would need a really big coffin;


    With the Beach Boys providing music at the wake!

    • AlphaBitch says:

      Oopsy ! I thought the Beach Boys tune in question would be “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”, but this is after a White Russian (HEY -- it’s FRYDAY) I guess you were thinking Barbara Ann (or McCainesque Bomb Iran) My bad.

  13. Chernynkaya says:

    A few random coffins:

    Mitch McConnell, obviously

    Eric Cantor


    Ayn Rand is buried in the thorax

  14. SallyT says:

    Gingrich in a janitor’s cart.


  15. Chernynkaya says:

    I think I’ve come across Marcus Bachmann’s coffin:

  16. bito says:

    Can you just find a chicken farm and throw Karl Rove in the chickenshit compost heap?

  17. SallyT says:

    Okay, Michelle Bachmann in a box of Ex-Lax and her husband in a back door.


  18. Jenuwin says:


  19. SallyT says:

    AdLib, can we put Sarah Palin on a Viking ship and push her towards Russia?

  20. Artist50 says:

    This is brilliant. Quite frankly I don’t give a rat’s ass what my kids do with me or how they pay for it. I supported them and sent them to college and it’s the one thing they can do to pay me back!

  21. choicelady says:

    AdLib -- and you recycled! The Bacon Casket returneth!

    I am particularly fond of the modest cherrywood Kleenex box for Boehner. It looks all cushy soft for his little dead body to reside in. And following on from most boxes, it can also be recycled, so once again -- a ‘twofer’. Thank you! The story is a ‘threefer’: Creative, funny, AND environmentally correct.

    • AdLib says:

      Hey CL, the bacon casket was too delicious not to serve up again!

      Boehner’s Kleenex coffin is indeed comfy and absorbent. And instead of burying him, Boehner has asked that he be crumpled up into a ball and tossed into a giant trash can.

  22. SallyT says:

    Okay, AdLib, I will repeat mine from last night just because it made Choicelady chuckle out loud.

    Santorum should be buried in a prophylactic or a provolatics, which is an empty box of prophylactics.



    And, Ron Paul needs a white sheet with a hoodie! One that covers the whole head with holes for the eyes. But, as I said earlier, I think he might have already planned for this in his will. 🙂

    • AdLib says:

      Saw it and liked it, thanks for posting it here.

      BTW, how about this custom coffin for Santorum:


      As for Ron Paul, this might also work as his coffin:

      ” alt=”img” />

    • choicelady says:

      Oh Sally -- I did more than chuckle -- I snorted, coughed, and burst out laughing to the point my husband left his part of the tax return to find out if was still alive!!! I assured him I was but also, after reading all this, that if NOT, I was not to be buried in a bacon casket or any of the above.

      Thanks for yet another laugh visit. MADE my afternoon!

  23. Chernynkaya says:

    That. Is. Awesome. You tied together the caskets and the orals arguments brilliantly! (BTW, I suddenly see why they’re called oral arguments--they BLOW.)You deserve a lifetime appointment to the SCOC: Supreme Court Of Comedy.

  24. Parsifals says:

    Very few, and I mean under a handful, can make my day and make me chuckle--you are in my hand. Thanks AL.

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