With Thanksgiving tomorrow, PlanetPOV reached out in a show of holiday spirit to prominent Republicans to ask them what they’re thankful for. Once explaining the concept of being “thankful” through the use of instructional videos, diagrams and action figures, they shared the following responses with us:

 

NEWT GINGRICH

“I’m thankful for having an American workforce that is brimming with energy and optimism and has yet to have its potential tapped. But getting rid of child labor laws should solve that. I’m thankful for sexual harassment claims, Tiffany credit accounts, short term memories and no fault divorce.”

 

HERMAN CAIN

“I’m thankful to be able to count to 9, that there’s a he-said for every she-said, Books on Tape, the decline of public education and the related increase in support for my campaign.”

 

 

MITT ROMNEY

“I’m thankful for the availability of abortion and the restriction of it, universal healthcare and the uninsured, reducing Climate Change and disputing it, cats being better than dogs and dogs being better than cats. Most of all, I’m thankful for Flip Wilson, the Flip camera, the belly flop, flop sweat and the old tv series, Flipper.”

 

MICHELE BACHMANN

“I am so thankful for electroshock therapy, frequent supportive Tweets from God, staring contests, loose screws, racist old white men, big corn dogs, my husband’s passion for Broadway shows and big corn dogs and the sign in my office, “You don’t have to be crazy to work here…but it helps”.

 

RICK PERRY

“I’m thankful for three things, oil, the book “Presidential Campaigns for Dummies” and…hold on…I’ll remember…I…just can’t think of it right now…it’s not the EPA…oops!”

 

 

 

RON PAUL

“I am thankful for tin foil, my Ayn Rand inflatable doll with Atlas Shrugging action, single serving butter, Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch, desert islands, sports that don’t involve teams and most of all, sex with someone I love…me.”

 

 

RICK SANTORUM

“I’m thankful for Google searches, dogs as man’s best friend, Jesus’ hatred of so many people and things, the flammable nature of crosses and 2% support being enough to be in debates with people who have a real chance of winning the nomination.”

 

 

SARAH PALIN

“I am just so thankful for gunpowder, slander, the fantasizing and repressed sexuality of unattractive conservative white men, dropping “g”s at the ends of words, people who believe what I say, the Lamestream Media. low IQs and bats in belfries.

 

 

RUSH LIMBAUGH

“What I’m thankful for is Americans suffering, being white while blacks stay black, double stuff Oreos, prescription refills, John Wilkes Booth, eating a hot dog in one bite and resembling a legendary movie star, Jabba the Hut.”

 

JOHN BOEHNER

“I am very thankful for Kleenex, spankings, intestinal blockages, stop signs, types of governments that begin with “Pluto”, lap dogs and puppets.”

 

 

From all of the Republicans to all of the 1%, a very Happy Thanksgiving!

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UncleB
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UncleB

Palin saying Grace at the Thanksgiving dinner table (?):

“Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or, as our brothers in the South call you: Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, moose burgers, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to thank you for my family, my beautiful, beautiful, children Truck, Trigger and Bear Trap, or B.T., as we call him, and of course ME; who many consider a stone-cold fox, who if you could rate me on a scale of 1 to 100, I would easily be an A+.!

I also want to thank you for my new best friends at FOX News and especially Glenn Beck, who’s got my back no matter what…I also want to thank the suckers, um, I mean [email protected], um, I mean TEA Party Protesters, for their generous support; both morally and financially (but mostly financially). [*wink wink*]

Also, too, Dear Lord Baby Jesus…We hope that you can use your Baby Jesus powers to set America on a “Right” path once again; and to have mercy on the misguided efforts of that terrorist-loving, Socialist Obama. Thank you Dear Tiny Infant Jesus…”

— [ Kudos to “Ricky Bobby” ]

: )

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Chernynkaya
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Heh! I love that scene.

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choicelady
Member

I have to say that I’m now sympathetic to Rush. I’ve been on the very thing that made him lose his hearing and send his maid, documented status unknown, out to score for him. It has eased MY pain, so how can I begrudge him a hit or two? Or three or four…? Of course I took it a grand total of 8 times and now am off it entirely, but I’m not saying I’m BETTER than Rush, noooo. Even if I am, I’d not brag about it. Or anything…

Artist – I get the corn dog reference. It’s archived in photos. Three dollars for a gigunda corn dog. Two fifty for Kodak film. Blackmail possibilities – priceless.

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Pain killers and other drugs definitely have their place. I had a varicoseal removed very near my left testicle, and the surgical crew gave me a “spinal.” It’s very similar to a “saddle block,” but deadens your feeling further down the body. It was eerie, I had no feeling from my chest down to my toes. It was like what a parapalegic must feel (or not feel) on a daily basis. I remember trying to tell my toes to move and it was like the message from my brain to my toes was completely blocked. There was no way, no matter how hard I tried, that those toes were going to move, until the drug wore off.
Opiates must be used very conservatively. And there are psychotropic drugs that are very necessary for a lot of people. And then there are drugs, illegal drugs, that are very spiritual in nature and offer a brief glance into the eternal! 😉

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kesmarn
Admin

KT, I remember thinking that same thing when I had that block. “This is what it feels like to be a paraplegic.” It really gave me a whole new insight into what that life would be like. And a whole new respect for people who can live with that paralysis day in and day out and still function.

It is good to be able to move your toes! 😀

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KillgoreTrout
Member

Oh kes, I was never so glad in my life, to see my toes move after the drug wore off. It sure does give you a glimpse into the life of a paralysed person.

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kesmarn
Admin

c’lady, as the person who was on the receiving end of an epidural block during labor, I am all about pain relief. (At the time, my husband said the minute that drug hit, I looked 20 years younger. Thanks, dear… I think…)

The trick is sorting out when the med allows you to do more than you could have done without it, and when you take it so that you don’t have to do/feel anything! And obviously you have done that very well!

So the back is feeling better?

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Artist50
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Artist50

AdLib – That was priceless, you had me at corn dogs!

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kesmarn
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Artist, good to see you! How are the kiddos at Butler this year? Hope you’re doing well.

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Artist50
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Artist50

Kes – I’ve just had a week of solitude and serenity but I’ve got 100 girls coming back today to gear up for finals and then in three weeks they’ll be done and to go home for the Holidays. I really can’t complain about a schedule like that, now can I?

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kesmarn
Admin

That sounds great, Artist. I have to hand you the Patience Award for being able to wrangle 100 college girls, though! 🙂

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KQµårk 死神
Member

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and enjoy your Shahira Law approved turkeys. 🙄

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choicelady
Member

Mine happened to be kosher. Same diff. Discovered that when Muslims fly, they order kosher meals. If that doesn’t bring world peace, what will?

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bito
Member

Hate to break up tonight’s levity, however give a tweet!

OperationSAFE

Helping children after trauma through / art / story / games / play / song / dance / film / love / hope / people who care.

Fukushima OperationSAFE Camp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3v1t65Rfi8&feature=player_embedded

Piss off that grumpy relative, spread the arts and help a child this Thanksgiving.

http://justcoz.org/operationsafe

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KQµårk 死神
Member

Done here too. Great cause.

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SueInCa
Member

Bito, Done I retweeted

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bito
Member

Thank You, Sue!
( we will have to have Kalima tell us what they were singing)

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escribacat
Member

Oh my gawd, you’re too funny!!

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MurphTheSurf3
Editor

ADLIB….what an awful (and wonderful), malicious (and delicious), nasty (and tasty) morsel to serve up for my Thanksgiving Meal. AND, OH!…the Leftovers.

Seriously…this is worth archiving…pass it on…..Woody Allen once explained humor like this as a healthy expression of sadness and anger, an alternative to tears and roars.

Thank you for being the creative person you are.

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Chernynkaya
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kesmarn
Admin

Oh Cher, I so want to do one with Robertson:

Intelligence: Is that a Democrat thing?

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UncleB
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UncleB

“Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.”
— Walter Lippmann (American Journalist)

“If the person you are trying to diagnose politically is some sort of intellectual, the chances are two to one he is a Democrat.”
— Vance Packard

: )

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kesmarn
Admin

😆 Thank you, UncleB, for two wonderful quotations!

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escribacat
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SueInCa
Member

Cher
Priceless

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SueInCa
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Hey Adlib
You tell those Republicans to leave my Flipper alone. He has been mine since I was in the 5th grade and I sat through two showings of his debut on the big screen in one afternoon. He is mine and I have replicas of him all over my house. No one disses Flipper lol

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escribacat
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KillgoreTrout
Member

Wow e’cat! That really takes me back. I remember watching that on our old “console color TV,” with the dial you turned for channels and no cable and not remote! Ha!

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SueInCa
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escribacat
Member

Yow, look at the hair on those boys!

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SueInCa
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E’cat

When I was pregnant with my daughter I went to the doc and he induced labor but sent me home and said if contractions start, to come back to the hospital. I laid around watching a Brady Bunch marathon until about 5 then called the hospital. The nurse asked me how long I had been having contractions and I said early afternoon, she scolded me for not coming in right away. Hell my daughter was not born until 5:30 the next morning.

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SueInCa
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ECat

That was wonderful, They call him Flipper, Flipper faster than lightening, no one you see, is smarter than he and we know Flipper lives in a world full of wonder, flying there yonder, under the sea.

For Adlib a little tidbit:

Brian Kelly(Porter Ricks) married actress Laura Devon in 1962. They were divorced in 1966. He married Valerie Ann Romero in 1972, with whom he had a daughter Hallie in 1975 and a son Devin “DJ Adlib” in 1980. Kelly died in February 2005 of pneumonia in Voorhees, New Jersey, two days before his 74th birthday.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flipper_%281964_TV_series%29

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bito
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I want to see the rest of the episode, e’cat!

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SueInCa
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bito
Member

MMMM. just in time for Thanksgiving!

http://chzfailnation.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/epic-fail-high-in-iron-fail.jpg

[img]http://chzfailnation.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/epic-fail-high-in-iron-fail.jpg[/img]

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Chernynkaya
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HAHAHAHAH!! Bito, I must be getting punchy because this also made me laugh more than it should:
[img]http://p.twimg.com/Ae_B2y6CEAIMTL_.jpg[/img]

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escribacat
Member

I think we should start a rumor that it was Rush Limbaugh dressed up in that uniform. He has the same “silhouette.”

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KillgoreTrout
Member

“Atlas Shrugging action!” Brilliant AdLib, as is all of it.

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bito
Member

Well isn’t this special and just in time for Thanksgiving.

Pat Robertson Wonders if Mac and Cheese “Is a Black Thing.”

700 Club host Kristi Watts interviewed Condoleeza Rice and they both agreed that they love mac and cheese. (Who doesn’t!?) Pat Robertson, apparently from a planet where one does not eat mac and cheese, like, all the time asks Watts “What is this ‘mac and cheese’? Is that a black thing?”

http://www.balloon-juice.com/2011/11/23/pat-robertson-wonders-if-mac-and-cheese-is-a-black-thing/

I thought he was a good ole country boy?

I wonder if they make halal Mac and Cheese? 😆

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SueInCa
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Bito
That is such a fun site, I have to learn how to copy over the actual pic though not just a link

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SueInCa
Member
SueInCa
Member
SueInCa
Member

Hey Pat Robertson, Is being an idiot a White Thing?

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kesmarn
Admin

“And what, pray tell, are these ‘collard greens’ of which you speak? These black-eyed peas and this — how shall I say it? — bread of corn? I know not these strange customs of your people…”

Surely Pat must be having flashbacks to 1621 when he was at Plymouth and everything was new and strange….

Alzheimer’s’ll do that to ya.

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bito
Member

The man’s a walking case of Alzheimer’s and probably has set some record for having it for 50 years without being in a nursing home. I wonder if he is thankful for that?
Is that a black thing? If there wasn’t Mac & Cheese at a Lutheran pot luck, someone was either sick and missing that day or in trouble. Same with the monthly Union (BLF&E) pot lucks. It’s inexpensive, cheap, home cooking. Black thing? Must be German/Swede/Lutheran too.

MMMM, greens, Crowder peas, corn bread and fried chicken! Now I’m hungry. OMG! I’m black! 😯

Idiot.

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coveark
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coveark

Hilarious………..Laughter, the best gift that I received all day…:^)

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KQµårk 死神
Member

Another AdLib comedy gem!

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Chernynkaya
Member

Apropos of what they are thankful for, Iowa Democratic Party Releases Romney’s Thanksgiving Menu:
img
“Everything is served two ways!”

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/updates/2109

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Chernynkaya
Member

Know what is NOT on the menu? Butterball Terrorist turkeys!

Boycott Butterball, Pam Geller wrote, because:

Turkeys that are halal certified — who wants that, especially on a day on which we are giving thanks to G-d for our freedom?

I’d like to serve her a huge helping of Islamophobe turkey smothered in food-product pepper spray with some castor beans, peach pits, and some mustard gas condiment on the side.
[img]http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2011/11/23/1322059801585/pepper.jpg[/img]

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coveark
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coveark

OMG……..more hilarity !!!

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bito
Member

Why no mention of Kosher turkeys, they are slaughtered basically the same way?

Oh, it’s not about the turkeys, it’s about those Moooslims.

She is a piece of …”work.”

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Khirad
Member

Now, assuming Geller’s right about Butterball turkeys being halal, you might think that in a capitalist economy, halal turkeys are a sign of meat sellers responding to market demand for food prepared a certain way. You might even be tempted to observe that Muslim Americans marking a secular, American holiday celebrating pluralism and freedom from religious persecution might be a sign of the extent to which American Muslims have assimilated into American culture. What you didn’t know was that when markets respond to the demands of Muslim consumers, freedom dies.

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KillgoreTrout
Member

I don’t think the homeless folks, being given a turkey dinner, will give two squats about where their bird came from. And really, neither should anyone else.

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coveark
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coveark

Exactly…….that kind of thinking is more BS than simply lame.

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Khirad
Member

I hate that crazy bitch so much… I’ll leave it at that.

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Chernynkaya
Member

Perfect, Khirad! Now here’s where I go on a mini rant in support of OWS. Things like this, and not just the fact that some lone idiot says this crap–that they are given media attention and that the whole GOP presidential debate is sickening and that the media takes any of their craven ideas seriously–in short the entire “Shit is fucked up and bullshit” situation we are in; well this all makes me want to inarticulately take to the streets and scream while tearing out my hair!

That’s why, even though it is not necessarily logistically or politically effective, I support the movement! I agree with others that it’s not nearly enough to effect change, but GODDAMMIT, enough of this is enough!

Step one: Take to the streets and cry out against all the hundred of major problems–if not thousands of crises! Steps 2-10 will follow.

This is all so fucked up.

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KQµårk 死神
Member

😆 pancakes, flap jacks, waffles or at least hocakes have to be on that menu though.

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