With Thanksgiving tomorrow, PlanetPOV reached out in a show of holiday spirit to prominent Republicans to ask them what they’re thankful for. Once explaining the concept of being “thankful” through the use of instructional videos, diagrams and action figures, they shared the following responses with us:
“I’m thankful for having an American workforce that is brimming with energy and optimism and has yet to have its potential tapped. But getting rid of child labor laws should solve that. I’m thankful for sexual harassment claims, Tiffany credit accounts, short term memories and no fault divorce.”
“I’m thankful to be able to count to 9, that there’s a he-said for every she-said, Books on Tape, the decline of public education and the related increase in support for my campaign.”
“I’m thankful for the availability of abortion and the restriction of it, universal healthcare and the uninsured, reducing Climate Change and disputing it, cats being better than dogs and dogs being better than cats. Most of all, I’m thankful for Flip Wilson, the Flip camera, the belly flop, flop sweat and the old tv series, Flipper.”
“I am so thankful for electroshock therapy, frequent supportive Tweets from God, staring contests, loose screws, racist old white men, big corn dogs, my husband’s passion for Broadway shows and big corn dogs and the sign in my office, “You don’t have to be crazy to work here…but it helps”.
“I’m thankful for three things, oil, the book “Presidential Campaigns for Dummies” and…hold on…I’ll remember…I…just can’t think of it right now…it’s not the EPA…oops!”
“I am thankful for tin foil, my Ayn Rand inflatable doll with Atlas Shrugging action, single serving butter, Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch, desert islands, sports that don’t involve teams and most of all, sex with someone I love…me.”
“I’m thankful for Google searches, dogs as man’s best friend, Jesus’ hatred of so many people and things, the flammable nature of crosses and 2% support being enough to be in debates with people who have a real chance of winning the nomination.”
“I am just so thankful for gunpowder, slander, the fantasizing and repressed sexuality of unattractive conservative white men, dropping “g”s at the ends of words, people who believe what I say, the Lamestream Media. low IQs and bats in belfries.
“What I’m thankful for is Americans suffering, being white while blacks stay black, double stuff Oreos, prescription refills, John Wilkes Booth, eating a hot dog in one bite and resembling a legendary movie star, Jabba the Hut.”
“I am very thankful for Kleenex, spankings, intestinal blockages, stop signs, types of governments that begin with “Pluto”, lap dogs and puppets.”
From all of the Republicans to all of the 1%, a very Happy Thanksgiving!