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AdLib On September - 15 - 2017

Emperor Trump

Earlier this week, Donald Trump had dinner with Democratic leaders, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer, and agreed in principle not to demand funding for his border wall in a deal to re-legalize DACA participants. The response by many right wing Republicans was outrage so to cover his sizeable flank, Trump came out today to assure his base and Republican politicians that he is not backing off building his wall.

“Not only am I twice as committed to getting the billions from American taxpayers needed to build a massive border wall that Mexico will pay for, thanks to new building materials by this company, Emperor Technology, this Emperor’s New Wall will be the most magnificent, powerful wall ever built in the history of civilization, you’re not going to believe your eyes when you see it, believe me! And here’s the thing, it will only be seen by good people, winners. It will be totally invisible to losers, they won’t see a thing!” Trump explained.

“So we’ll all know who the losers are, the fake news media, Antifa, men who are wimps, women who no one likes and the absolute worst morons and losers, they’ll be the ones whining, ‘I don’t see a wall there! You lied,  you failed, blah-blah-blah!’ But all the rest of you who aren’t losers and idiots, when you look at the border and someone asks you what you see, trust me, you’ll tell them you saw the most tremendous wall in the world!”

Trump went on to claim that construction is already underway on this conditionally invisible wall and that it is under budget and ahead of schedule.

“My Emperor’s New Wall will be completed faster than anyone could believe, trust me, you’ve never seen anything like it,” Trump boasted. “And the great thing about this material is that it can be used to make clothes too! The most magnificent, amazing clothes you could imagine! I’m getting a whole new wardrobe made from it and throwing away all my other clothes, that’s all I’m gonna wear from now on!”

In an unrelated move, citing their duty to the public welfare, most media outlets simultaneously announced that they would only be providing audio coverage of Trump’s future public appearances.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

5 Responses so far.

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  1. Kalima says:

    Trump has so much in common with his “Rocket Man” whose grandfather was born in a wooden shack on a mountain top, changed the weather to sunshine and made the flowers bloom all over the nation during his immaculate conception and miraculous birth. His birth certificate states that he was actually born in China, but that didn’t faze him. And his “Dear Leader” father even discovered a unicorn’s lair a few years before his death. If you don’t believe it they shoot you.

    Trump’s fluctuating 44-42 million supporters could lay down naked side by side, face down vertically or a and up joining hands facing Mexico to help defend the border by becoming the perfect place to park millions of abandoned bicycles. Take your time.

    That Godzilla image you used will be the source of many months of nightmares. Gross!

    —-

    In War of Elton John Lyrics, Kim Jong Un Calls Trump “Honky Cat”

    https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/in-war-of-elton-john-lyrics-kim-jong-un-calls-trump-honky-cat

    • AdLib says:

      Trump’s supporters as a human wall would at least make them of some use to the country (and I love the bicycle gag!).

      After hearing Trump wants a massive military parade like NK and Russia on the 4th of July, if he had his way, I don’t doubt he’d have people imprisoned or shot for openly disputing his “miracle” pronouncements about himself and his alleged accomplishments.

      Too bad for him, you can’t tweet in prison.

      • Kalima says:

        Well they are the ones who want that wall so let them work for it. I imagine that over 40 million naked trump supporters joining hands and facing full frontal to Mexico would be enough to stop anyone from trying to cross the border. It would scare the crap out of me.

  2. kesmarn says:

    I wanna buy stock in this new material, AdLib! I have a feeling The Donald is going to be going through this stuff like crazy. Better yet, I think I’ll start a home-based business. I’ll spin this stuff in the spare bedroom and sell it to The Emperor.

    I might make even more money than those clever Kentucky farmers who were waving folks off the road and into their fields to park (at the rate of $10 per car) and look upward at the recent total eclipse of the sun. Thousands of people took them up on it. (The rest of us took the next turn off the main road and looked at the sky for free.)

    Speaking of things rural: the graphic for this article reminded me of the butter sculpture of a cow at the Ohio State Fair. “Sizeable flank” is right!!

    Thanks again for another chuckle!

    • AdLib says:

      My pleasure, Kes.

      Some people would call selling views of the sky at $10 a pop entrepreneurship. Of course someone who would tried the same thing with a phony university and had to pay a huge settlement.

      As WC Fields once said, never give a sucker an even break.



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